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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this mum lashing out on me unjustified?

47 replies

Maria1979 · 26/06/2024 12:07

So DS (10 y) was bullied in school for a couple of months by a boy in his class. It was physical and verbal and the young well-meaning teacher tried to handle it. Finally I sent a mail to the headmistress menacing with legal action against the school if they didn't put an end to it. This was effective as the parents were called in and told their child was going to be expelled if he didnt stop it.
So DS was happy going to school again for a couple of months. He has got a lot of friends, boys and girls and gets along with everyone. Until last week when the teacher called me and said that the bully and a girl S had been teasing him about being in love with a girl (true, but onesided) and especially the bully was very vulgar about it saying crude sexual remarks and my son who was already crying said he wanted to commit suicide. All children jumped in to get rid of the bully and console DS. Girl S and bully were put in other classes for the rest of the day. My son is already seeing a psychologist (due to being bullied) and he said he does not want to die, just thay he couldnt stand if it was going to start again. He's going private next year so he will not see these children again thank god. Anyway, I met girl S mum outside (she lives close by) and told her about what the teacher had said and she went livid and said she was going to kill her daughter. I told her no, please dont scream at her, just talk to her because my son has always been nice to her and I have often helped this mum out by picking up her girl etc and she knew about the bullying situation and how much it disturbed my son and I was surprised that she would team up with bully against my son.
So a couple of days later I meet this mum outside walking her dog and she starts screaming at me for having lied to her and that I made her (!) beat up her daughter for nothing. I asked her calmly to clarify because the only version I had was the teacher's which my son and a friend of his had confirmed when I talked to them. She started screaming "dont ever talk to me again, you're responsible for my daughter getting beat up". I was flabbergasted. I have never hit my children and I surely would not encourage someone else to do so. And I dont understand how she can say Im inventing when I just repeated what the teacher said. Im happy never to speak to her again, she clearly is not a stable person. But this whole thing has left me really confused to say the least. And since she's just screaming and doesnt want to talk to me there is no way that I can find out what she's talking about 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 26/06/2024 12:10

You need to tell the school safeguarding lead what’s happened

sounds like this kid is in danger

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 26/06/2024 12:12

You need to report it to the school and children's services, if in England and she has “beat” her child then she has broken the law, not to mention being physically violent and abusive to her .

KatieKat88 · 26/06/2024 12:12

That sounds like a horrible experience for you and your DS - but if a parent is screaming at you that they've beaten up their child have you raised this with school as a safeguarding issue?

BogRollBOGOF · 26/06/2024 12:15

You need to inform the school's safeguarding lead.

TheShellBeach · 26/06/2024 12:19

She beat up her daughter?

You must tell the DSL. Poor child.

I hope things improve for your son.

paasll · 26/06/2024 12:24

She’s a mad woman if she’s beating her kid.

stay well out of it and keep well away from her and her kid

only report it if you want one of her beatings dished out to you and you are prepared for long term consequences - ie just leave it

RunningJo · 26/06/2024 12:29

Stay away from her, but I would speak to school about her comments. Ask that your name not be mentioned at all.

LakeTiticaca · 26/06/2024 12:31

I don't get it. You asked her not to be too harsh on her daughter
So she gave her DD a leathering and blamed you. That's how I read it.
The woman sounds barmy
How is down to you?

PBandJ111 · 26/06/2024 12:36

Another vote to report her. Better to be safe than sorry.

cheddercherry · 26/06/2024 12:45

Yeah you need to report this to school immediately.

BrotherViolence · 26/06/2024 13:07

paasll · 26/06/2024 12:24

She’s a mad woman if she’s beating her kid.

stay well out of it and keep well away from her and her kid

only report it if you want one of her beatings dished out to you and you are prepared for long term consequences - ie just leave it

This attitude is reprehensible when a child's safety is in question.

lalaloopyhead · 26/06/2024 13:10

I would report to the school and then just be thankful that she isn't going to speak to you again.

JayJayEl · 26/06/2024 13:17

paasll · 26/06/2024 12:24

She’s a mad woman if she’s beating her kid.

stay well out of it and keep well away from her and her kid

only report it if you want one of her beatings dished out to you and you are prepared for long term consequences - ie just leave it

What the hell? This is TERRIBLE advice. If a parent has "beaten" their child then in the very least school need to be informed of this. That child is in danger and the authorities need to know so that they can help the child in any way needed. "Just leav[ing] it" is abhorrent.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 26/06/2024 13:18

i really hope things settle down for your son. And what an awful experience for you. But I am concerned that someone told you they beat up their child and you have not reported that. How long ago was this? You really need to report this.

Projectme · 26/06/2024 13:18

Christ, she sounds deranged OP.

Report it to the school.

WorriedMama12 · 26/06/2024 13:20

BrotherViolence · 26/06/2024 13:07

This attitude is reprehensible when a child's safety is in question.

It certainly is reprehensible. I'm one of those kids who everyone turned a blind eye to my mothers abuse of me, no one wanted to get involved and I had a whole childhood of ongoing physical and verbal abuse from her

whynosummer · 26/06/2024 13:25

Cut & paste exactly what you had here and send it to the safeguarding lead at the school. Their email address will be on the website prominently.

This is not about you and the Mum, it's about an unhinged woman who has "beaten up" (!!!!!!!) her daughter.

Londonrach1 · 26/06/2024 13:25

Sorry op this needs to be reported to the school safeguarding. Her reaction was ott and I feel sorry for the girl

Conniebygaslight · 26/06/2024 13:29

It may be that the mum means beaten up in a different way, like we say we beat ourselves up meaning having a go or telling off BUT you can't assume that and you should report to the school

oakleaffy · 26/06/2024 13:29

Good grief.

Is it any wonder that girl ''S'' is a bully, coming from a home like that?

The mother of girl 'S' sounds deranged.

Definitely report to the school, that's absolutely crazy behaviour by the mother.

Notchangingnameagain · 26/06/2024 13:29

I voted YABU as you, in my opinion, should not have spoken to the Mum about this.

YANBU for reporting this to the school.

MariaVT65 · 26/06/2024 13:34

Definitely report to the school op. I had a similar experience at my state junior schools and this is also the reason i was sent to private secondary, where i had a much better experience, so i hope things get better for your DS.

WhatNoRaisins · 26/06/2024 13:36

It could be that she's making up that she beat her child in a deranged attempt to guilt trip you but I'd be going to safeguarding either way. I would avoid contact with her myself.

TeabySea · 26/06/2024 13:39

ohfourfoxache · 26/06/2024 12:10

You need to tell the school safeguarding lead what’s happened

sounds like this kid is in danger

Exactly this. Poor child, fancy having a parent like that.

butterpuffed · 26/06/2024 13:46

LakeTiticaca · 26/06/2024 12:31

I don't get it. You asked her not to be too harsh on her daughter
So she gave her DD a leathering and blamed you. That's how I read it.
The woman sounds barmy
How is down to you?

OP said in her post that the woman accused her of lying {about what happened}