To forbid DD from playing football at break?

[PFBGirlAlert]

Ok, I know I am really, but hear me out!

DD plays an instrument (rather well, if I may say so) and she also plays a sport competitively at national level and another county level.

She has started playing football with her classmates at break and it seems she is invariably in goal. I found out when she came home once complaining she'd hurt her hand and I told her it was football and she's supposed to use her feet! I pointed out it wasn't a good idea due to injury risk and she seemed to agree.

Shes just had her last tournament of the season and last concert and one of the first things she said was "oh good I can play football again now!"

I never said she shouldn't play, only that she shouldn't play goalie.

I still don't think it's a good idea, she will be devastated if she injures her wrist.

Is there anything I can do/say/show her to mitigate the risk of injury? Should she bandage her wrists like she does for boxing? Gloves- do they help protect, if so which? Techniques to learn? Or should I tell her she's not to play in goal?

AIBU - to forbid her to play in goal?
YANBU - it's a sensible precaution

Why on earth not?

She could fall or land awkwardly. The ball could catch her at a bad angle and powerful shot could break wrist. But not especially likely. I would be glad she is joining in and having fun.

Possibly it is the ball hitting her hand that is sore so gloves will definitely solve that. At my daughters team they take turns in goals at training as only one goalie and need 2. No special training given to avoid injury. They have goalie coach so would definitely give pointers if they were worried.

Also, as the mother of an ex "wannabe football star", be a little wary if she is always in goal. In my experience sometimes a kid who isn't considered "one of us" is put in goal- and it can amount to bullying.

What could possibly go wrong with this idea 😂

Yes. And??

she's admitted she's being a bit precious about it. So 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

@PFBGirlAlert DC (now 19) was incredibly talented at piano & violin. She also rode horses, ice skated, climbed and played both netball & basketball.

i explained the risks to her before a very 'big' concert, but she chose not to stop doing any of them before it.

it was all fine (thankfully) but I'm glad I left the choice up to her. I think buying goalie gloves is a good idea & seeing if you can find any GOID goalie training over the summer holidays (the risk being she hurts herself there). They heal pretty quickly at that age and she's only young. Unless she knows she wants to persue music professionally I'd just let her decide on the understanding she accepts any consequences!!

She obviously loves playing, why not send her to a skills day. There will be tons of them in the school holidays and with her various talents, it's important that she has time to just be a kid with no responsibilities.

At my dc school elite athletes( but I am talking international level) children were told not to do school PE lessons fir this reason.They used to catch up on work they had missed whilst attending to competitions and training camps.However I don't think your daughter is anywhere that level so I think you are U.

the impression I get from DD is the less skilled a player is, the more aggressive they get.
so your pfb is just as snarky and judgemental as you? she's not a footballer yet judges other kids as less skilled, lovely pair you make.

As the mum of a professional musician this is the most bonkers thing I've read. I never stopped DD doing anything and tbh it never occurred to me so maybe I'm a rubbish mum. DD is a woodwind musician so hands and mouth/face muscles super important. Only thing she didn't do was get braces as it would have wrecked her embouchure and she didn't want to risk it.

You’ve no idea which ones are actually good and playing for proper teams. Some of my DC’s classmates have been scouted to play for various clubs.
One has been scouted and is leaving at the end of the year to go somewhere more sport focused. Three others that play in a club that I know of. It's not those that worry me tbh. It's the others who use force to compensate for skill. Which, by the way is exactly what my DS would do. So maybe I am judging other teenage boys on the basis of mine. I do know that at the beginning of the school year break time football often descended into fist fights.

@CurlewKate I don't think that's the issue here, but I will keep an eye. I think it's more overlap with her main sport. One boy, who also competes, secondary sport is football - position goalie and another left the club to concentrate on hockey (goalie)

Plan of action: another chat. Ask her to make sure she only plays goalie whilst wearing gloves. If she wants to carry on, offer to buy her gloves at the next opportunity. Look into skills day.

A slightly different angle from me. One of our Olympic cyclists has just broken her leg tripping over a garden step and won't be completing. As a parent part of your job is to prepare her to cope with injuries and disappointments, if she is serious about her main sport. Because they will happen. DS1 was devastated a couple of times when small injuries put him out of big competitions for which he has trained over many months at a high level. But we worked through it, and worked on coping strategies too - how to avoid injuries (he turned down skiing for example) how to expect injuries - you can't spend your life avoiding all risks, and how to survive when injured. He actually went onto meet his future wife at an event he attended because he was injured (having been tempted to stay home n feel sorry for himself, so our strategies came in useful after all!.)

Sounds like a plan OP, I look forward to seeing your DD playing for England in the future (following up with a trumpet solo?)

Not suggesting that you are a pushy parent at all! Don't take this the wrong way but my DH grew up playing competitive sports because his parents were interested in it but now doesn't do any form of sports or exercise because competing sucked the fun out of it. Maybe just let her have fun without the pressure of keeping competitions in mind, it might spoil her love of Football all together if she has to worry about being the best.

Why on earth not?

Gloves yes. But you can't tell her what to do, and surely you want to encourage being active. Don't be that pushy parent.

But injuries happen no matter what you do.
my son just broke his finger playing basketball on the weekend. He is a lower brass player and still sent to his orchestra practice this morning. He did what he could and helped set up and clear away. He is only 11 but is mature and didn’t want to miss practice. He also went to piano practice yesterday.

My older son is a competitive football player and also plays music. He broke a finger last year. He also continued with his music lessons (he’s not in an orchestra/band). He has suffered many injuries through the seasons. We work with a a physio to get through. He is also competitive in several track and field events, so there is often a discussion with the physio around which match or event takes precedent depending on where in the season we are. Constant alignment and realignment of goals. He is only 13 but we don’t stop him from doing anything.

Im surprised if your daughter is doing sport at a high level you have not had any injuries yet

Oh, we have! This just seems like a big risk that is prone to cause injuries.

It's not me who pushes her to
competitions. I could well do without spending the weekends travelling/watching a sport I know relatively little about.

Haha I hear you. My son is entirely self motivated. I wish for an evening or weekend off. I have no knowledge of football or brass instruments

Just thinking at this age they should have fun, even a broken bone will heal and they need to join in the fun

I remember my best friend was never allowed to play any sport or horse ride, like we all did, she went to a full time stage school and danced with the national ballet, on stage with Rudolf Nureyev several times. She was a dance prodigy and wasn't allowed to develop the wrong muscles, it was sad as her greatest wish was to ride. Anyway, she ended up growing too tall for a woman ballet dancer, 6'2, yes amazing and gleefully dumped the whole ballet life, started riding at 16, went on years later to owning a successful stud farm, and is still happily there , shes 62 now.
So I can kind of understand your daughter wanting to play sport with her friends, not sure what I would do, probably let her get on with it, remembering my friends unhappiness.

Gloves

I've ridden horses all my life and had a massive operation on my spine. My dad went mad (despite me being in my thirties) when he found out I was on a horse again 8 weeks post op

I asked what injuries I had from riding and got "you broke your foot when you got stood on but that wasn't on a horse I guess"

Then I said what injuries did I have from not riding "you broke your ankle falling down the stairs, then you broke your other one getting out of bed, oh your back, no idea how you did that, your brain injury when you fainted that time... ok I get the bloody point"

Have a look for "Fingersave" goalie gloves. They have rigid supports inside which won't let the fingers bend backwards. My DS used them after he'd hurt himself a couple of times.

My husband is a goalkeeper. He says wrist injuries are actually not all that common in goalkeeping. But goalkeeping gloves are non-negotiable. If she plays in goal she needs goalie gloves to protect her hands and wrists but also to do a better job.

I have hypermobility and worst is my thumbs (dislocate easily) and I play in goal. You can get gloves with what we call bones in so it stops fingers going back too much etc. If you get them correctly measured too it will help massively. You are much likely to pick up injuries outfield than in goal. I have played in goal and as left back defence and injured my hand in a bad tackle landing funny on my hand. If you watch goalies when diving fingers are always away from the floor and it's the top of the arms that are sliding along the floor with the body. I will say as a lady goalie there is research ongoing that the menstrual cycle can make injuries more likely and in certain situations diving for the ball is much safer than other moves like sliding on knees or bending down on one knee to stop the ball. Being a goalie should be safe enough with correct gloves take her shopping x

if She wants to
go in the goal having a mess about with her friends surely it’s her choice my son plays high level and goes in the goal when he’s having a kick about, with friends or at home with his brothers, he doesn’t want to be a goalie, but I’d never say to
him get out the goal. Also 12

Tricky. I, too, value music ENORMOUSLY higher than any sport, especially sports where physical injury is commonplace. I have particular problems with boxing - I've been in East End pubs where the local, brain-damaged 'boxing hero' was treated with respect, but he was still brain-damaged. And we're only just coming round to the idea that heading a heavy leather ball may not be all that sensible an idea.

But I suspect a lot of people, normally meticulous over child protection, may make an exception for sports and disagree violently!