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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was really rude & insensitive

35 replies

Bereavedupset · 25/06/2024 22:58

My mother has just passed away.

Once everyone who needed to know had been informed, I posted a photo of her on Facebook. My mother was very elderly and had been a very pretty lady when she was younger. The photo I posted was taken about a year ago on one of the last outings I had with her before she became housebound. Admittedly she had looked better but I liked the photo as it was taken in a beautiful place and had special memories. After posting it my sister said she thought I could've posted a nicer photo. I didn't disagree and I asked if I should change it and she told me not to worry.

Today I was at my sister's and her close friend Julie popped round. She said she thought the photo I had posted was so awful, she'd felt unable to like & comment on it, and she'd also felt compelled to text Tracey ,(another close friend of DSIS) to express her feelings. I got the impression (maybe wrongly) that Tracey agreed with her. I felt so bad I changed the photo for a more flattering one despite feeling quite cross at Julie for being so direct, but also through embarrassment as, in retrospect, the photo didn't do my mum justice.

Later that day, Tracey popped in to see my sister while I was still there & the subject of the photo came up. I said I knew she didn't like it as Julie had already said. She looked shocked and said I should ignore Julie & do what I wanted.

I know I'm probably being over sensitive but was Julie being really rude & inappropriate?

OP posts:
Knitgoodwoman · 25/06/2024 23:07

I’m sorry about your mum Op, you did nothing wrong. These people need something to focus on in their lives, they all sound bored to care this much about one photo posted on social media. Ignore.

Blueeyedmale · 25/06/2024 23:11

It does sound quite nasty and insensitive, you did nothing wrong I'm really sorry for your loss op.

Marmalady75 · 25/06/2024 23:12

Julie is a rude loud mouth who should learn to keep her opinions to herself, especially about people’s appearance.

Neodymium · 25/06/2024 23:12

Julie sounds like a bitch. What kind of friend has a go at someone over a fb photo.

AtrociousCircumstance · 25/06/2024 23:13

Julie’s a malicious waste of time. If I were you I wouldn’t have anything more to do with her.

Sorry for your loss 💐

Notsuredontknow · 25/06/2024 23:16

You are not being at all unreasonable, it was completely unreasonable of anyone other than your sister to comment on the photo like that. I can’t imagine being so insensitive! I would be upset too OP but I hope you can keep in mind that they are particularly insensitive and unkind and I’m sure the vast majority of people who saw it did not think like them. I’m very sorry for your loss.

WaltzingWaters · 25/06/2024 23:17

Julie sounds awful. Ignore Julie.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

Sconeswithnutella · 25/06/2024 23:19

I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with shallow arseholes. Who the hell thinks like that?! Focus on your memories, ignore horrible people. I’m sure the focus on the day you took the pic wasn’t on how social media ready her face was!

EmeraldRoulette · 25/06/2024 23:23

I think you showed great restraint in not giving Julie a slap.

I actually cannot find words for what an astonishingly unpleasant person she must be.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Jeannie88 · 25/06/2024 23:28

Deepest condolences and you can post whatever you want to and anyone who is so insensitive as to question it can eff off! It's YOUR memory, special to you. Honestly, I can't believe some people, please ignore them with the contempt they deserve. Xx

AlliumLake · 25/06/2024 23:29

Julie needs a gag. Sorry for your loss, OP.💐

Simpsonsfan · 25/06/2024 23:31

Think Julie should have kept her mouth shut tbh. I'm so sorry for your loss x

DietCokeandHulaHoops · 25/06/2024 23:36

I am so so sorry for your loss, your love for your mum is so obvious by your post.

Julie can fuck right off. It’s not her mum, not her memories and who the hell tries to make a grieving daughter feel bad - she sounds horrendous.

MonsteraMama · 25/06/2024 23:42

So sorry for your loss 💐

Tracey is quite right, do what you want and ignore Julie! The right thing to do would have been to say "that's really rude, it's a really meaningful photo of my recently passed mother, who do you think you are you gobby bint?" or something to that effect the minute Julie spouted off but I'm assuming you're a people pleaser (or at least more polite than I am)?

Honestly Julie's opinion doesn't matter at all. Put the photo back up and sod what Julie thinks!

Ohnobackagain · 25/06/2024 23:42

Blimey @Bereavedupset I’d never say that about someone’s family photo. That’s just so hurtful. What is wrong with people? Nobody’s business but yours and your family’s. I wouldn’t say it to my family either though.

DanielGault · 25/06/2024 23:42

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Julie is a complete bitch. Whatever her thoughts on the photo, they're thoughts you keep to yourself at a time like this. Monumental cow tbh.

I hope you can get through the next few days and weeks ok 🥺

Blouson · 25/06/2024 23:43

Julie needs lessons in tact.

sprigatito · 25/06/2024 23:45

That is jawdroppingly offensive. She was your mum, not bloody Julie's, and whichever photo felt right to you was the right one. I would give her a very wide berth from now on.

5475878237NC · 25/06/2024 23:46

I'm sorry for your loss. I would think of it like this, which photo would your Mum prefer the world to see of her? If it's the second one you uploaded then Julie did your Mum a favour, just went about it in a rude manner.

sprigatito · 25/06/2024 23:50

5475878237NC · 25/06/2024 23:46

I'm sorry for your loss. I would think of it like this, which photo would your Mum prefer the world to see of her? If it's the second one you uploaded then Julie did your Mum a favour, just went about it in a rude manner.

With respect, no. Her mum is at peace and no longer troubled by what people think of her appearance. Remembrance is for the comfort of the living, to cherish their memories of the loved one and what they meant. This photo had meaning for the OP and was her choice. I think her sister had a right to say something - which she did, and it was handled respectfully by both sisters - but random gobshite Julie? Nope.

Purpleday1 · 25/06/2024 23:50

Julie is one vile cow.
I wouldn't look at her again and go so far as to tell her f off and mind her own business.
Bloody hell, unbelievable.
Take care OP, my condom to you.

Apolloneuro · 25/06/2024 23:50

Julie needs to fuck off.

Sorry for your loss.

Rockschooldropout · 25/06/2024 23:53

Julie can fuck off - hoe dare she criticise your choice of photo of YOUR mother

DumpedByText · 25/06/2024 23:54

Julie is a dick, sorry for your loss x

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2024 00:10

Julie is a total bitch and I really hope you tell her so.

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