At what age can it be called SEXUAL HARRASEMENT in school - Advice needed!!!!

[windyweather]

DD 6.5 in Y1 class, she constantly has the boys fighting over who is going to marry her etc (usual for their age, she is very pretty so obviously nothing wrong with their eyes).
On and off since starting reception on boy now 5.11, has been chasing her trying to kiss her and it had started to get a bit aggresive, him triping her to lie on top, pinning her against the wall when she says NO get off they only do when m someone else drags them off. usually other child in class. Each occasion been to see teachers who has spoken to boys about this and basically kept them in at play and lost out on other play.
Yesterday, she stayed for after French lesson and he tried it on again kissing up her arm trying on the face, when she said no and put her arms up he just kissed them instead. he followed her into the toilets also.
Basically i want this to stop, she is clever enough to know what is right and wrong and both DH and me have said "if he/they dont get off then do whatever it takes to get them off and whatever force".
Has anyone had this experience b4 and what can I expect the school to do. boys in question naughty lads and already in big trouble this week picking on anouther boy.

Thanks,

oh, i am sorry for you and DD. This is totally unacceptable. Not sure it is sexual harrasment(just cant think of it in terms of a 6 year old ), but it is certainly a form of bullying and the school need to take it seriously. I would speak to the head about it. I think this is worse than sexual harrasment, horrible for your DD. It is probably that the boys don't really "get it" but its not the point. It is bullying and should be regarded as such.

Make it clear to the head that you want the bahaviour to stop immediately. The boy sounds like he has issues if he is bullying other children, he is not being nice to your DD he is intimidating and frightening her. I would take a very heavy hand with this, tell the head you want to know exactly how they are going to sort this out, the other parents must surely be involved here (im sure they would be mortified). Im sorry, but this isnt innocent kiss chase, its bullying.

I would hope that the boys in question are far too young to understand what they are doing so of course it is not sexual harrassment. However, your dd is being harrassed by these boys and something needs to be done about it.
My worry actually lies with the boys in question; keeping them in at playtime obviously is not working, there seems to be a deeper problem here and the school needs to address it with the boys and their parents asap.

thanks, i'm not just over cautious here then.
Last year in YR dd witnessed same boy kiss girl on privates (she pulled knickers across so it was bare skin)he asked my dd could he kiss her there too. she screamed no and ran and told teacher. (mature dd and lucky tells me everything some kids dont). Wheh I spoke to teacher and they asked the kids involved and they both denied it, teacher said she expected that anyway and they would monitor.
This is always on my mind about this boy ( although it was the other one yesterday.
Im telling her to stay from boys at mo.

Im sick with worry and u can imagine what my DH wants to do to them.

It seems to me that this boy may have been exposed to / witness to something. He will not understand what he is doing or why, he is just copying.

Put it all down in writing to school and whenever anything happens, note down dates and events etc. School should be seriously considering contacting social services about the safety of this boy.

Very worrying

thanks nell, yes i agree too.

we come from a decent area and dd lucky enough to only be in a class of 23 kids.

i dont want her to miss out on stuff because of this, like playing with the good boys and going off on the field in the summer so she cannot be targeted.

both sets of parents have boys only, so straight away whats the fuss.
just off to school to she whats happening. another family having a meeting with head about said boys tonight,

It sounds to me as though this boy is displaying inappropriate behaviour. His behaviour is beginning to be sexualised which is not right at his age.

Go straight to the head. Tell him/her that this has to stop, that your child is being frightened and intimidated by this child and that you are considering involving social services. To my mind, this goes beyond ordinary bullying.

Hope something comes of this, I agree, your dd should see the playground as a place where she can play safely and the toilets as a place of privacy.

Keep on at the head until something more is done about this than missing breaks.

"both sets of parents have boys only, so straight away whats the fuss".

I have boys only, and would be extremely unhappy if my sons were behaving like this.

This child sounds like he might benefit from a discussion about personal boundaries. Could the school have a general chat with the class?

I think it needs to be dealt with more pro-actively than just punishing this child.

Maybe he needs social interactions spelt out in black and white for him - not all children are socially adept, especially at 5.

Very worrying. If he's allowed to contuinue being sexually inapropiate at age six whats he going ot be like at 14 or 15 when he really has to the strength to force himself on someone.

ww, I have boys only and certainly wouldn't have a "what's the fuss" attitude towards this behaviour. Ds1 aged 6, once showed his classmates his willy in the playground, only to a group of other boys and only in a silly, jokey way and the teacher made him write down what he had done and give the note to me! I made it very, very clear to him that this was unacceptable behaviour and he has never done it since. This boy's behaviour has gone way beyond that, I would suspect he has been exposed to something he shouldn't have been. At best it is bullying and needs to be properly addressed by the school.

I only have boys too and, as others have said, I most certainly would not be dismissive of this sort of behaviour - I would be horrified if my sons did this. Your poor little girl - the school should be doing a lot more to sort this out.

I noticed a problem with my dd1's class when they were in reception but unfortunately it has pnly just been taken seriously by ther school and they're in year 5!! - if the school had picked up on it sooner they wouldn't have so much trouble now. It's worrying behaviour and because it's persistent it cannot be ignored - also your dd may soon get so distressed it could affect her school work or even make her not want to go to school. I would threaten the school with whatever it takes to get the to speak to this boy's parents. He's learning this behaviour from somewhere or in desperate need of affection from someone but not your dd!!

bettenoir, sorry did mean to offend boy only parents,

head up bum and all.

I only have boys and had to report a young girl to the school when she displayed totally inappropriate sexual behaviour towards DS3 when he was in Y3. The school thanked me for bringing this to their attention (the child had a lot of problems and was clearly being monitored by the school but this was the first time anyone had mentioned sexual behaviour). I do know that social services became involved and the child soon left the school.

If a son of mine was doing what this boy was doing, I would certainly not dismiss it lightly. If the boy's parents are, then perhaps it's because he is witnessing inappropriate behaviour in the home.

I don't think you could class it as sexual harrassment - more like bullying. FWI my DS1 has had a girl in his class (they are all 6) showing him her fanjo - legs akimbo- for the past month?! Not really looking forward to the conversation with his teacher at all. Someone really needs to tell her to keep it to herself - and that person ain't going to be me!

I only have boys - and boys and girls are as bad as each other at that age.

WW, I wasn't offended at all.
Just wanted to emphasise that most parents would take this seriously.
And that school should be being far more proactive.

Teacher spoke to boy and warned him any more and he is in big trouble.
Other family seeing head as we speak about his bullying.
I also help in class tomorrow doing TA course so can bring it up in more detail with teacher then.

thanks for all your support. it just shows you what goes on in other houses.

Hopefully this will get it sorted ww! Your poor dd!

Update on situation - ill explain both boys a bit better.

boy x the one my daughter witness kissing the girls private pats in yr, also the one that was flipping her to sit on her. generally being rough trying to kiss her.

boy y has been the class bully (target on one other boy and made his life hell for long time He was eventually excluded from lunch time for 2 months last year for all his bad behaviour). He has been not to bad in past with dd, but he is the boy who tried it on in the french lesson on tuesday. basically teacher said he was warned anymore and going straight to the head. Today dd in toilet (shared toilets (3 cubicals) and 2 urinals for boys in Y1). and he climbed up to look over and also looked under whilst she was on the toilet. she told the teacher who hit the roof and name on the board. dd only told at home going to speak to teacher and head tomorrow.
Feel sick to my stomach she cannot even pee in private.
What can I request be done to this boy.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyone

Am really surprised that there are shared toilets, seems strange.

Definitely don't want her not to use toilet at school, if you need to pee you gotta pee!

Are you speaking to head tomorrow?

Not sure what sort of advice to offer, but hopefully someone who is better qualified than me will be along shortly.

Hugs to you and you DD xx

Can't believe what i've just read on this thread.
This boy has surely been exposed to somethings he clearly shouldn't.
Not sure what the 'right' thing to do is, but if it was my dd I would want the boy removed from the class until the situation is resolved.

Imo this is not innocent childish exploration as this boy is forcing his attentions on your dd, particularly as it involves actual touching.
I would not be happy for my dd to be in a class with a boy like this.

I would ask the head what steps they are taking to ensure your dds safety, and if you are not satisfied they are dealing with it, tell her you want to take it further.

The head should be able to tell you how to go about this ie which relevant authority.
I would give them the chance to sort it at school first though.

This boy sounds like a huge problem. Maybe if this sort of behaviour is going on then shared toilets is a mistake, they may well have to have a lunch time supervisor just to supervise the toilets at this rate.

I dont know what you can have done, but you must insist that they do something. Why should this boy make your childs (and others) school life a misery. I was bullied at school - by girls, and the effect on my self esteem is still evident. I think that the boys parents surely must be involved?? Do not allow the school to play this down, ask them what they intend to do, and ask them to provide evidence that they have done something and that it will be effective. Do not let them brush this under the carpet of "no bullying goes on in my school" bullshit, schools that say that, brush it under the carpet to keep ofsted happy. I would be using phrases like "it would be really sad if i had to write to my MP and say that my DD had to change schools because of unresolved bullying".

I would also say that I think this goes beyond 'ordinary' bullying (bad enough), and the sexual elements of it are highly disturbing.
Not sure what I would call it though, although in any other situation it would certainly be sexual harrassment.

Try reminding the head that they are in locoparentis and if you allowed this to go on at home and it was them being told they would be calling in Social Services, ask why you shouldn't do the exact same thing right now.

To be honest I would be going straight there even with giving the head a scare. The school need to be reported as do these boys. It sounds to me like at least one of them is being exposed to something at home and leading the other boy astray or they are both involved in the exposure at home.

It shouldn't be your place to report these kids, it should have been the head right away, but as the school is obviously not interested then you need to do it. For the safety of your daughter, these boys and other girls in the class.