Entitled dog-owning in-laws

[ChirpyBee]

As the title really. DMIL and DGMIL both have dogs, and they are coming down this weekend to visit our 1yo DD, DP and myself.

DMIL has managed to rope DPs sister into looking after her dog, but there is nobody available or willing to take DGMILs dog, so it has been announced that she is bringing her dog down. This was news to both of us.

Before DD was born, they used to bring their dogs a lot more, and in fairness since the birth they haven't really brought them down at all, finding family members to look after them.

We have also just had new flooring laid at significant expense (£1300) and I am worried their scratchy nails will damage it.

They've managed to guilt trip ("what am I supposed to do?" etc) DP into saying yes to this and I am annoyed as I don't think it is reasonable to bring your dog to someone else's house particularly overnight for multiple days unless everyone is OK with it. DP is well aware of my feelings towards this.

I also feel bad as DP wants to see them and they've not seen DD in a number of weeks as they live about 2.5 hours away. I understand it must be difficult for them to live so far away from their grandchild and (adult) child.

This has happened before, I have been surprised by DMIL bringing their dog with DP knowledge (not mine!) and releasing it into the house as a hello 🙄 while I had my cat (sadly passed so not an "issue" anymore, not that they particularly cared about my beloved cat being terrified in her own house and confined to one room when the dog was down) who jumped off my lap terrified, leaving big scratches in my thighs. They then wonder why I act a bit funny with them when they're down with dog, it's because I'm pissed off about it!

I've always said they're welcome any time, but welcoming someone doesn't automatically mean to their dogs surely?

YABU - they want to see their grandchild and struggling for dog sitting, the floor will probably be fine and I need to get over myself

YANBU - they are CF bringing their dog down to visit for the weekend given the above info

Why don't you go and visit them?

would you have just shown up at their house and expected your cat to have the run of the place? Of course not. You got a pet sitter. They aren’t actually that hard to come by, people just don’t want the hassle of making sure records are up to date and don’t like the expense.

We have also just had new flooring laid at significant expense (£1300) and I am worried their scratchy nails will damage it.

I would say, ‘sorry-no can do’ about the dog coming but go up to visit them instead.

Its perfectly fine to not want dogs in your house if that's what you choose. They need to pay for someone to look after their dog, it's part of being a dog owner.

Send them a list of nearby kennels dog hotels !

Eugh snap. No solutions without causing WW3 but I feel you. It makes me very angry. Also have two cats who get confined to a bedroom with a bowl of dry food and a litter tray whilst the bloody dog destroys my house for the afternoon 😡

You are not being unreasonable and I say this as a dog person. We use to have two dogs who were cat friendly/totally disinterested in cats, but I still wouldn’t take or expect them to go to other people’s houses (with or without pets) unless they asked me to bring them, but even then I generally didn’t. We also have a cat and even when our dogs were alive, I wouldn’t have other people’s dogs here. Firstly, I can’t trust them with my cat, secondly the cat was terrified of all dogs apart from my two who he had grown up with and it’s his home. My sister has two little cat chasing type dogs and knows I can’t have them here, and she respects that. There are kennels or dog sitters etc, as a dog owner this is a responsibility that you need to sort out, not inflict them on others.

If you don't want the dog in your house (perfectly fine-your prerogative), you'll just have to be the one that visits them, rather than them coming to you.

Your husband has said yes, so they have permission. Your issue needs to be with him.

Get DP to text them saying he’s looking forward to seeing them but the dog can’t come.

This seems the most logical option. They live too far away to do visits leaving the dog so surely the most sensible plan is to go to them or meet them somewhere outdoors so the dogs can come too but they're not in your house?

DH needs to resolve this.

Kennels, don't come or you go there.

His family. His problem.

Easiest thing would be for you to visit them

I love our dog. But I do not presume she is invited to other people's homes unless given express permission! Fortunately, she is a sweetie and well behaved so we can often find people to dog-sit/ people invite her over too.

I do not understand this (what feels newish/ post COVID) attitude to brining your pooch everywhere!

Your DP needs to sort this, as he has said yes! they probably think its all ok.

You have a DP problem not a dog problem

Agreed this is a husband problem not an inlaw problem.

You have to read him the riot act on this. No dogs in the house and it was NOT ok for him to say yes without consulting you - no doubt he didn't as he could guess your response.

He has to call them and say would love to see them but sorry, no dog (and not to throw you under the bus for this, either). They visit without dog or DH can take DD to visit them for the duration they would have stayed here (whether you go is up to you).

As a dog owner no way would I inflict my dog on someone unwilling, not even for an afternoon, let alone multiple days! I will say post-covid it is much harder to find pet sitters and kennels have to be booked long in advance - but they can be found and booked and your visits organised with enough time for them to find dog care.

To be fair, that’s a good point.

As usual your dh is the problem as he said yes!
Id go up and see them.

You have a DH problem

Try communicating better with the people in your life instead of whining online.

You'll likely find life improves.

@ChirpyBee “dear GMIL, we’d forgotten about the new floor which was expensive so no dogs in the house I’m afraid. Looking forward to seeing you once you’ve made other arrangements, or perhaps we can visit you instead?”

@ChirpyBee actually, we have always had two dogs and we would never dream of taking them to visit people, even if they were dog lovers!! there are kennels available in every town so there is no need for dgil to bring her dog!!

kennels exist..

Yabu.

They're in no way CF for asking if they may bring the dog and being told that they can!

If your dh knows you don't want the dog there and said yes anyway then I agree that your problem is with your dh, not the In Laws.

Over my dead body would that dog be coming anywhere near my house. Fucking rude. Why doesn't your husband have a backbone? Tell him to sort it out.