Entitled dog-owning in-laws

[ChirpyBee]

As the title really. DMIL and DGMIL both have dogs, and they are coming down this weekend to visit our 1yo DD, DP and myself.

DMIL has managed to rope DPs sister into looking after her dog, but there is nobody available or willing to take DGMILs dog, so it has been announced that she is bringing her dog down. This was news to both of us.

Before DD was born, they used to bring their dogs a lot more, and in fairness since the birth they haven't really brought them down at all, finding family members to look after them.

We have also just had new flooring laid at significant expense (£1300) and I am worried their scratchy nails will damage it.

They've managed to guilt trip ("what am I supposed to do?" etc) DP into saying yes to this and I am annoyed as I don't think it is reasonable to bring your dog to someone else's house particularly overnight for multiple days unless everyone is OK with it. DP is well aware of my feelings towards this.

I also feel bad as DP wants to see them and they've not seen DD in a number of weeks as they live about 2.5 hours away. I understand it must be difficult for them to live so far away from their grandchild and (adult) child.

This has happened before, I have been surprised by DMIL bringing their dog with DP knowledge (not mine!) and releasing it into the house as a hello 🙄 while I had my cat (sadly passed so not an "issue" anymore, not that they particularly cared about my beloved cat being terrified in her own house and confined to one room when the dog was down) who jumped off my lap terrified, leaving big scratches in my thighs. They then wonder why I act a bit funny with them when they're down with dog, it's because I'm pissed off about it!

I've always said they're welcome any time, but welcoming someone doesn't automatically mean to their dogs surely?

YABU - they want to see their grandchild and struggling for dog sitting, the floor will probably be fine and I need to get over myself

YANBU - they are CF bringing their dog down to visit for the weekend given the above info

It's up to you whether or not you let dogs in your house. But as a dog person I'm thinking is it really such a big deal? Dogs feel like part of the family. Also I'm sure your DD will actually love having a dog around and when she's older you might see she likes it so much you will have to end up agreeing for the dog to come. It's worth noting that babies with pets under one year have got a much more varied and healthy gut biome. But actually you've got a cat so I suppose she would be getting it from that. Maybe you could tell them about trustedhousesitters.com so they can find dog care.

What type of flooring is it? I vote yabu tbh, its not as if anybody is allergic to the dog, and I'm sure expensive flooring can cope for two days?

I agree with others that you have a DP problem OP. However, why is it that women don't feel that they can speak up to their IL's and tell them how they feel themselves?

You've told your DH that you don't want the dogs to come, he's undermined you, so in your shoes I would simply ring GMIL, and say I'm really sorry but unfortunately DH completely forgot that we've just spent a fortune on new flooring, when he said you could bring the dog, and I really don't want it to get damaged, so I'm afraid you'll have to find someone to look after the dog while you're here. She's bound to say something along the lines of 'Oh, he/she won't do any damage', so be prepared for this, and say 'Well that may, or may not be the case, but I'm not prepared to risk it, so if you can't find anyone, we'll either have to delay the visit until you can, or we'll have to come to you'. The last bit obviously only if you're prepared to do that. Then complete the conversation with 'I'm really looking forward to seeing you', so that she knows it's the dog, and not her that you don't want to visit.

At the end of the day the very fact that you're allowing them to visit for several days, indicates that you're able to hold conversations with these people, so just call her and have a conversation. Oh, and then give your DH the rollicking of his life, for ignoring your wishes, because he's too gutless to stand up to his own family!

urgh I hate this entitlement from dog owners about bringing dogs to other peoples houses !! And they take it sooo personally when you say no!

urgh I hate this entitlement from dog owners about bringing dogs to other peoples houses !! And they take it sooo personally when you say no

Agreed. It's foul and presumptuous.

I have a similar thing, beloved relatives who have beloved (and too frail for a kennel) dogs. I just grit my teeth. How much damage can they possibly inflict during a short visit?

BTW when people ask to bring their dogs to our house now, we say the dog needs to stay outside in our garden (appreciate if this is an over night stay then probably not possible)

Thats as much as I’m willing to compromise - I don’t want to be Hoovering up dog hairs for weeks to come or have my wooden floors scratched. If people don’t like it then they can make other arrangements for the dog. It’s not my responsibility to accommodate your pet.

Dogs nails won't scratch flooring unless they are like Quavers.

You have a DP problem. If the dog is coming it stays on a lead in the house or in one room. Does it have a crate as well it can be put in?

Anything which gets 'released' into my home as a hello will be making a quick exit - that is rude and ill-mannered.

YANBU. I don't want dogs in my house. I have a cat, so it's non negotiable. If I didn't have a cat I still wouldn't want them in my house.

Exactly this

It is laminate, but quite reasonable quality with a textured wood grain effect.

I am a man, and my partner is a woman. Would this change your response at all?

Lol I thought you were female too! The feminine name and the female style writing. I would have a word before they visit with the dog. Maybe they can stay in a b and b that takes dogs?

I am a man, and my partner is a woman. Would this change your response at all?

Nope. No dogs come into my house. Thank goodness my DH feels the same. My ds likes dogs but realise they are a lot of work so isn't interested in having one.

YANBU. We only ever take our pup to someone's house if we've explicitly checked that he's welcome, even if it's just for a few hours!

Okay so I have a dog. She’s an adorable little thing - to me.
But never on God’s Green Earth would I EVER presume to think she was welcome at anybody else’s house - and that includes my family.
My BIL wouldn’t even let family dogs/cats in his backyard - which was a bit much, but it was his house - so it was his rules.
@ChirpyBeeI guess your husband will be having a conversation with his family about the dog making alternative lodging arrangements before they arrive, or you’ll be making alternative lodging arrangements for your husband.
I love a happy ending.

Or wife.
It matters not.