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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my granddaughter will blame us?

78 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 25/06/2024 13:59

There is much documented evidence and official reports into the importance of building firm early foundations for each and every child. Also, many adults blaming/excusing their behaviour because of poor childhood experiences.

It feels as if we are just sitting back and allowing our granddaughter to suffer and that, in future, she could turn around and say we did nothing to support her. This makes me feel so bad.

My daughter and I watched her sports day. The weather was lovely. It was a great atmosphere. KS2 children were sat one side of the track and parents opposite. We were sat directly opposite to where my granddaughter was. She was at the back, on the end of the row next to the finish line.

She looked so sad. She was staring straight ahead. She ignored us waving frantically at her. In the two hours that parents were allowed on the premises, no one spoke directly to her and she spoke to no one. All the other children were cheering, laughing, clapping, shouting encouragement and thoroughly enjoying themselves whilst she stared ahead. My daughter and I kept looking at each other, knowing what we each thought. It breaks my heart. She was completely out of her comfort zone. She has to really concentrate hard to cut out everything which overwhelms her - she can't cope with noise.

DGD took part in two races. She looked and moved awkwardly. People clapped but no one shouted her name in encouragement, like they did for other peers/students.

When she was picked up from school a few hours later, I asked if she had enjoyed sports day and she said yes - which is probably what she thought I wanted her to say.

She has no friends. No one has replied to her birthday invitations which will be in the summer holiday. No one has invited her to their parties this year. In KS 1, she attended all class parties she was invited to and some of the class came to her party, but this seems to have stopped this year as the children now invite select friends.

She has told her mum that she is lonely at school and that she would like to go to a new school and make friends.

We have been concerned for years that she has autism (like her mother) and have asked for help from health visitor, GP, nursery and school.

This academic year (Y3) she had 'leggo therapy' in the first term and THRIVE after Christmas.

She was referred to CAMHS two years ago but we recently found out that we have to apply again and fill in the forms again because of a change of 'systems'. She won't be seen before she goes to High School - the wait is now 5 years.

We've voiced our concerns since she was a baby and we're still waiting for help/guidance. She is now asking us to help her. We just keep hitting barriers.

How do you actually get help and support for a child who is begging for help?

OP posts:
Donotneedit · 26/06/2024 00:15

Get her mum to ask the GP to make a Right To Choose referral, have a google of the process, wait is probably around 1 year and you won’t have to pay. CAMHS are unlikely to do anything useful im afraid, but there’s a lot of other help and support avail. Have a look at some resources for autistic kids, you don’t need to talk about labels with her, it’s about her experience. Naomi Fisher is amazing, loads of content on her website. Good luck x

Maddy70 · 26/06/2024 07:29

Oh give over. Its not nasty suggesting a grandparent to ask the parent to contact school and not override the mother

Beenthereagainandagain · 26/06/2024 08:39

it is incredibly hard to get support, and I often felt like giving up as we were getting nowhere, but looking back now every step down the road was a step in the right direction and worth the effort.
my best advice is to pace yourself, recognise and appreciate every bit of progress (your dgd is still in school right now), and keep fighting for her but understand that you are not super human and take a break wherever you can.
understanding how her autism affects her will be incredibly helpful in her life. For my Ds, it literally helps him every day to see that he is not “wrong” just autistic and that’s why certain things are harder for him. He has worked out how to adapt in millions of ways that make life so much easier for him.
A diagnosis in my experience did open doors for him and means you can hold a school to account. Personally I would look at the private diagnosis as a very good investment for your gd future.

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