My girlfriend is pushing me away - I love her to bits but she’s pushing me away.
Shes struggling a lot with her mental health and awaiting a whole load of assessment. I’ve never seen her quite this bad.
The issue is that she simply doesn’t trust me. I am in this relationship for the long haul, but she just doesn’t believe how that’s possible. She has an awful view on herself and is so so mean to herself, so projects her views on herself on me. Her issues have caused a few arguments; she’s also had a few arguments. Therefore she’s convinced that there’s no way I look at her ‘the same way I did’ when we met, because of everything I’ve seen and been through with her. She genuinely cannot fathom it.
That causes the biggest issue for me - being compared. She constantly compares me to “how I used to be”. This is something I honestly can’t stand, and she’ll compare two things that are completely different situations. She expects the same reaction from me every time.
The other thing that is pushing me away is the fact she’s always telling me I’m better off without her. Literally every day she’s saying I should dump her, or I should “find someone who does XYZ”. It’s almost as if she wants it to happen.
I told her that this is going to push me away eventually, and that the more she tells me this, the more I’m going to start believing it.
She practically had a meltdown here and is now convinced I’ll dump her.
Yesterday we argued for pretty much the whole day. I play sport and sometimes play all weekend. She told me that she felt hurt that I didn’t want to spend Sundays with her. I reminded her that this very Sunday, I didn’t play sport and chose to spend the day with her and her family.
She just kept repeating herself anyway.
I got frustrated because she was just not understanding and I had to keep repeating myself. She then got upset and said her brain doesn’t work properly and she can’t take anything in and she “doesn’t understand”.
She then went to work and it continued over text. I ended up so angry because she just kept repeating herself, telling me I don’t care about her, how I’m fed up of her. I said she’s just choosing not to trust me at this point. I said I didn’t want picking up from work and that I’d make my own way home. She ended up crying and begging and so she got her way and took me home even though I just wanted to make my own way home.
I told her how this comes across manipulative and now she’s convinced I think she’s manipulative in general.
Anyway, we chatted and I comforted her. But later in the night it starts again. We’re chatting until 2am and she’s just saying the same thing over and over again, saying how she doesn’t deserve me and “how can I possibly love her”. I tell her multiple times a day that I do, but she’s only hung up on the negative stuff. How she’s clearly “vile and manipulative”.
I said I just wanted to go to sleep but we ended up staying up late and she cried again.
This morning she’s beating herself up completely. She won’t stop apologising for being manipulative and horrible.
I am someone who wakes up and it’s a new day. I love her so much and I know that I stick around for the positives. She’s an amazing girl and she’s really struggling. I wake up and for me, it’s over, and I want to go back to loving her and having fun.
But she’s still dwelling.
How can I support her?