Guy I know hates immigrants but seems to only date women from other countries

[Opalfleur2026]

Just that. He often says that he dislikes foreigners coming into the country and many of them are 'criminals' but his girlfriend (my friend) is a recent immigrant

And I have seen a lot of men who fit that description too.

What compels them to get foreign girlfriends when they hate foreigners

The guy I am talking about is long term unemployed and lives with his parents at 38 so I can see many women may not accept him but that is his own circumstances & not representative of the phenomenon where xenophobic men seem to go for foreign partners.

I don't get it, there are plenty of native born women around, why choose a foreigner when you hate foreigners. My friend says her boyfriend only hates the foreign men (which is very weird tbh).

It's not Nigel Farage, is it?

My XH hates immigrants. Bizarrely, not only are all his girlfriends immigrants- HE is one too. He hasn’t live in the UK in nearly 30 years.
Travel has not broadened his mind at all.

I would think it’s men with little power or agency so choose a mate where the power dynamic is in their favour 🤮

Could be projection because he's obviously living a very underwhelming life. Could be a want for a power inbalance in his relationships. He could be fetishising.

He likes to feel superior and he can only achieve that by being around people who he perceives as having less than him.

Nigel actually sounds tame compared to him but sounds like he was thinking of voting reform

He just says 'f*ing foreigner' when he sees a black or brown guy (according to his girlfriend). I dunno if Nigel does that but given the cameras following him daily I think we would have heard about it by now..

We live in London too so you can imagine how barmy that is.

Are all the women South East Asians by any chance? I know a man in his early 60s, who's proper right wing - supports Reform/UKIP, and wants to stop all the boats - and thinks we should stop immigration now. Not just control it. CLOSE THE BORDERS he says!

Been divorced about 10 years, and is absolutely obsessed with women from South East Asia. Particularly 20+ years younger. He's dated 4 of them in the last 10 years, and married one a year ago. (23 years younger.) Every single one of them wasn't born here, but has come here since 2005 to 2010.

Pretty disingenuous to be so determined he doesn't want immigrants in the UK anymore, and yet is obsessed with dating South East Asian women and fancies them rotten, and is happy for them to be here.

Why would you bother trying to untangle the thought process of the ugliest kind of xenophobe and racist?

God, why is your friend with this loser?

How does my friend have less than him. She has a job despite being pretty new to the country and supports herself in London. Not everyone can do that esp as a newcomer.

He was born and bred here and he can't do that despite being 8 years older.

Yes. Urgh

Why is your friend with him ?

Ali G

Is this your friend?

I don't really understand why either!

I had a feeling they might be! I know a few men actually who fancy/fetishize about South East Asian woman. One woman I know (married 30 years and in her mid 50s,) used her DH's laptop when he was in hospital for 2 days last year, as he needed an email answering.

She had a nose through the laptop, and found around 2000 images of South East Asian women - all looked under 30 (so 30+ years younger than him!) Nearly all in stockings and suspenders, or naked, and also 100s of them in pornographic poses.

Dirty bastard!

Most of these women wouldn't look twice as these western men who ogle them. The women only want them for one thing usually. And it's not their body - or sex. They are looking for security. (Most of them.)

She has less power by being a poc, female and not from here. Whereas he is white, male, and probably has family & friends locally? She sounds a far more dynamic person so hopefully the relationship won’t last as he sounds awful

He doesn’t like brown people. He calls them “immigrants” but he means brown. Why don’t you challenge him?

She keeps asking him to get a job (he applies to a few per week) and she asked me not to mention to anyone that he doesn't have a job.

So who knows.

His gf needs to raise her game.

Stop trying to understand an arsehole.

It's the race version of incels. Hate us, still want to fuck us.

The trick is not to fuck them.

What compels them to get foreign girlfriends when they hate foreigners

Racism and misogyny.

Sometimes it's not immigrants as such, it's people with a different skin colour! So sadly some people will be more accepting of those who are white European but not, say, black African.

I have a relative who had some sexist beliefs, but then would have respect/admiration for women in his immediate orbit such as family or parents friends. There was some distinction between women he knew personally and women "in general" or Hollywood types.

That may be partly what's happening here - not liking the concept of immigration but being ok with an individual immigrant. In saying that I'm not defending the guy or discounting possible fetishization. He's obviously a racist arse.

It’s surprisingly common - men who hate foreigners who then date women from SE Asian cultures. Lots of white men have fetishes for SE Asian women as they believe they are petite, feminine and submissive and therefore the power dynamics in a relationship is in their favour. Hence why you get men like this guy - almost 40, unemployed, hates foreigners, still lives with his parents, but dates women that he believes he will be able to dominate.

From all I’ve ever heard, those men who marry SE Asian women, thinking they’re sweetly submissive, do tend to get a nasty shock once they’re actually married. An Aussie friend of ours used to refer to his wife as ‘the Vietnamese tiger’ though I should add that he had met her while working at a senior level in Vietnam, was very far from being either a racist or a loser, and it was a long and successful marriage.