Needs to be 'shown' how to do it

[ChicShark]

This evening partner puts DC to bed as she insists he sleeps on the floor while she falls asleep which she does quite quickly as she is very tired. He then comes and informs me that she's fallen asleep on the floor and I need to put her in bed. I ask him to put her to bed as I'm very tired. He then proceeds to tell me that I need to 'show him'. It wasn't enough to explain to him how it should be done but that I needed to go with him to 'demonstrate' as he didn't want to wake her up. He then goes and puts her in bed but comes back to tell me that she is now in bed but sleeping the wrong way and that I need to go and turn her around as the cushioned bumpers are not at the end of the bed.

He insists on needing to be 'shown' how to do most things for example how to put her in her car seat or drive her on his own in the car despite the fact that she is now 2.5 years old. He even asked a work colleague to fit the child seat mirror. He once made oatmeal for her and just added milk without heating it up despite the fact he has in the past made oatmeal how it should be done.

More often than not the needing to be 'shown' how to do it extends to most things.

He is educated and attended a top private school. I feel it's probably the result of how he was parented rather than him being to blame. He genuinely believes he needs to be 'shown' how to do it. AIBU ?

That’s sounds rather frustrating and sad! Has he never eaten oatmeal himself

Education has nothing to do with common sense....he sounds like he's missed out on it.

Dear God.

It's pretty unattractive, isn't it? I'd struggle to have sex with a bloke who needed to be shown how to pick up a sleeping child. Particularly when it was his own child. Does he shout 'Ooh, Mummy!' when he comes?

He treats you like his mother.

Jeez are there really people like this out there?!

When he doesn't know how to do something... put together furniture, change a tire, clean a toilet, can he Google it, can he read a book, can he find out? Or is every task in his life this baffling?

It's not rocket science.

Why is your 2,5 year old ‘insisting’ on anything? If anything, he needs to teach her that night time is for sleeping, in her own bed and that mum and dad are having their own time. Ruling the roost!

I agree with PP this is probably frustrating but I also see myself doing this to some extent. I'm very worried about getting things wrong and literally cannot understand verbal instructions (I'm probably ND but not diagnosed). Im concious that its annoying so my google and youtube history is very 'how do you....' heavy.

If you ask him why he needs to be shown what does he say?

Weaponised incompetence

If he looked things up for himself, he might have noticed that you're not supposed to have padded bumpers in cots due to the risk of suffocation/climbing.

Is he useless at everything, or just things relating to your child?

It's a very unattractive trait.

Does he do this at work?

Weaponized Incompetence | Psychology Today United Kingdom

Hand him his phone and show him how to google

I think you’ve made a rod for your back with the sleeping on the floor with the daughter business. Wouldn’t have allowed anything like that when my sons were small.

I don’t think I could be in an adult relationship with someone who needs instructions of any sort, much less a demonstration, to pick up a child and put them in a bed. Unless he’s doing it with a forklift truck how many ways to do it are there?! How does he imagine you manage to do these things?

As for needing to be shown how to drive his child alone in a car - frankly he shouldn’t be operating a car if that’s his level of capability.

Haven't read the comments yet, but I think my daughter (18) would say this is weaponised incompetence...

He insists on needing to be 'shown' how to do most things for example how to put her in her car seat or drive her on his own in the car despite the fact that she is now 2.5 years old.

How did you “show” him how to drive his car? 🧐

What on earth are you putting up with this nonsense for? “No, Tarquin - I’m not showing you how to do that.”

I'm clearly missing something because I don't see the issue here.

If he's happy to do things after having been shown the correct way of doing them, where is the problem? Some people are nervous about doing the wrong thing when it comes to children and I don't see the harm in asking for help.

What “help” did he need to drive his car?

@ChicShark Have you heard of weaponised incompetence?

I don't know but that shows he's clearly very anxious. Or are men not allowed to suffer the feeling of anxiety now?

@ChicShark for goodness sake!!! you didnt say you had two babies!!!! tell him to read the bloody instructions like any normal person! if there are none, then he knows how to search google!!!

How has he gone 2 and a half years without picking up his sleeping daughter and putting her in bed???!

Are you the sort to get annoyed if he doesn't do stuff your way?

If it’s anxiety they need to get help with it. Not just insist that other people do everything for them / show them again and again how to do things they already know how to do or can easily find out for themselves.

If this man is so debilitated by anxiety that he can’t live independently and be a capable parent, then that needs sorting ASAP or else OP needs to separate from so she can concentrate on parenting the child who needs her, not the grown man who has regressed.