WWYD in my situation?

[PapaDock]

Hi all. I apologise if this is long.

I'm beginning to resent my wife. We have 2 adult children together and have been married 40+ years, I love her dearly but her behaviour is beginning to make me resent her. I don't know if I'm in the wrong for this but I just don't know what to do.

Our son is almost 40, he is a drug addict and a thief. He will take any drugs, prescription or illegal that he can get his hands on and I'm fairly certain he is taking crack and/or heroin as he is currently on a methadone programme that obviously isn't working. For a while now he has been stealing from us, he steals the last of the food in the house, money and bank cards out my wallet and my wife's purse, possessions that have been left from my parents when they died, laptops, etc. I've tried to stop him entering the home, keep the doors locked, windows but he sits and knocks or calls for hours crying to be let in, then he will get angry and attempt to break in. At times he has assaulted me too.

My wife will only report him to the police is I force her to but even then she tells them she just wants it logged rather than anything done about it, so it continues. She let's him in the house when I'm asleep and sits there mute whilst he steals more of my possessions. She is always saying he is your son, he's vulnerable, he needs us, etc. I resent her for pandering after him when he's destroying out family, but on the other hand she also gets so stressed at his behaviour that it's making her ill.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I have been through this personally with my ex partner, after two deaths of his father and grandfather he ended up on crack and heroin, he stole from me all the time, it affected me as we had a young daughter i was living in poverty and a student nurse at the time, it took a while for me to realise what was happening as it was hidden for some time from me until i started noticing things etc, i had no choice but to throw him out, change the locks and block all contact, the fact is that he will only change when he is ready to and wants to, nothing will make him otherwise, nothing at all. I am a mental health nurse and also come across this with many patients i see and work with, its horrible and it will make you unwell dealing with it all, my ex is slowly only many years later starting to get their life in some kind or order, but they did many of the things your son was doing, it sent me to hell and back. But as your wife is not helping, sadly the only way for you to feel safe and have a life is to cut them both out. The sense of relief when i did was amazing, suddenly i could breath again. But it drained me completely for so long i am still exhausted from it all. I wish you all the best in whatever next steps you take..

I agree with the previous poster bed be better off in jail. That way you might be able to save some money to move out. I can't believe your wife is putting you in a position where you're going hungry.

Yes you need to leave op. Your wife has got herself in to the trap of enabling your son and its almost like Stockholm syndrome when it's like this-she won't see how harmful it is to you, herself or to him because it's all encompassing.

It won't end well for them
Probably in one way or another. So you need to protect yourself and your granddaughter. No one would judge you harshly for doing that.