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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU

99 replies

Sandybeaches2222 · 24/06/2024 14:50

What do you think of this situation? Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 6 months and everything is going great until recently, we had a day off coming up together which we rarley ever got due to work, so we planned a day out and as we needed to pick something up from IKEA on the way back we planned it around that, however boyfriend's sister suddenly needed a repair at her flat, but the day the repairman could come, our day off, she had to work and didn't want to rearrange, so she asked my boyfriend if he could go to her's, an hour and a half away from us, and let the repairman in, we decided yes okay we will do her a big favour and cancel most of the plans for the day to help her out and found an IKEA on the way back and chose a restaurant on the way back from her's also to go to, all was good, however boyfriend casually mentioned to her we were both going and she immediately said no, she wanted to be their the first time I visited her house, (I want to add ive met her in person a few times before at family dinners already) and obviously on this occasion wasn't really possible as she was working, so he explained to her if I didn't go we'd have to cancel all our plans we'd made, so she said right okay then she can come then, but then afterwards, despite being a women in her 30s, went straight to calling her dad and complaining to him, his dad was annoyed at boyfriend for disrespecting his sister's wishes and his mum asked to speak to me in person, so I calmly spoke to her and told her I couldn't understand why she would have such a problem with me going when we were doing her a favour and cancelling a day out together, and if we didn't both go we'd have to cancel the entire day, I also said if I ever asked my brother to do me a favour I wouldn't then say, but actually your girlfriend can't come with you, just cancel all your plans, to which his mum responded, 'wow your such an angel arnt you' sarcastically, then said 'I won't have you bully my son into taking you when my daughter doesn't want you there, you've never been to her house before, you can't go until she wants you to go', so she made up that I was bullying him on the spot, when I tried to tell her that wasn't what was happening here she then said ' don't you talk when I'm talking young lady this is my house', then insisted my boyfriend go alone and I go home, so my boyfriend went by himself and I just don't know what to make of this situation that surely shouldn't have been a big deal? AIBU?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 24/06/2024 17:33

Yep, he shouldn't have agreed and he certainly shouldn't have gone without you after all that, he's showing you very clearly that you're not his priority

maw1681 · 24/06/2024 17:34

Seriously consider whether you want to stay in this relationship, first time he's tested he didn't stand up for you, he should have told his sister either you both go or neither of you go. His family sound like a nightmare

Adviceneeeeded · 24/06/2024 17:35

Don't ever marry him will you

Redshoeblueshoe · 24/06/2024 17:39

Well he's shown you what he and his family are.
LTB

OliveWah · 24/06/2024 18:32

This would be it for me; I don't think there's much that would turn me off a man sooner than letting his mother speak to me like that.

It'll be interesting to see how he reacts to being dumped over this - he'll either realise he's been a total pillock, or you will become "that evil cow who wouldn't let a man help his poor sister".

Do come back and let us know how it all pans out.

HolidayAddict23 · 24/06/2024 19:29

Dump him, they will always treat you like this and he will never stick up for you!

beckybarefoot · 24/06/2024 19:34

im curious to know why... why does she not want you in her house?

WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 24/06/2024 19:37

bluebeck · 24/06/2024 14:52

Dump him.

Spineless mummy’s boy.

This.

You will always be #2,3 4... never his first thought or his priority.

Best off out of it.

Actions not words. He made his choice today, he showed you who he is. Listen.

yeesh · 24/06/2024 19:43

Dump him, his crazy family will always come first

AffIt · 24/06/2024 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NewName24 · 24/06/2024 20:25

I'd have been Hmm at the idea of cancelling your day out in the first place.
Is there a reason why he didn't say "Sorry sis, we've got plans that day" ?

Then, when his sister said she didn't want you in his flat, I'd have to question why, at that point, he didn't say "Well that's the deal. We've cancelled out plans to drive for 3 hours (1.5 hours each way) to sit in your flat and wait for repairman, and you are being awkward about it ?. Fine, we'll not come, and revert to what we had planned".

Looooooooooooooong before his mother even got involved, I'd have been questioning the relationship.
What is the matter with him ?

bagginsatbagend · 27/06/2024 21:07

You’re not going to like it, but if your boyfriend won’t support you then you’ve either got no future together or you’re going to end up heartbroken & divorced down the line when he consistently puts his family over you on every ridiculous little thing. His family are crazy, is it worth everything that’s going to be coming your way when you’re always going to be the bad guy & he’s always going to take their side over you?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 27/06/2024 21:14

It was very generous of you to offer to do her the favor in the first place, she's not right in the head and the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Personally I would be having a very frank chat with your boyfriend, he hasn't got your back, that would be the end of the road for a lot of people.

FlyingFox · 27/06/2024 21:17

Wow, just wow, they sound nuts! His Mum, gosh what a piece of work!! I would have a good discussion with him about this whole situation and think twice about continuing, unless you want to be treated like this again by his family. Insane, I would have told his Mum to F off the cheek of her.

1HappyTraveller · 27/06/2024 21:23

bluebeck · 24/06/2024 14:52

Dump him.

Spineless mummy’s boy.

This ☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻

You are only 6 months in to the relationship. The family are already disrespecting you and he is going along with what he is told. Not worth your time or energy. He should have told them to Foxtrot Oscar. But he didn’t because he has more respect for his rude-ass family. Get out now!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 27/06/2024 21:32

How can anyone have voted yes to the AIBU. A 3 hr round trip and he can’t bring his girlfriend. He should have said it’s that or nothing. The fact the mum and dad got involved too, how very bizarre. Especially the mum, wants to ‘have a word’ in person, about what?! The family are bananas

Lurkingonmn · 27/06/2024 21:37

Doing a 3hr round trip in this situation is ridiculous. Cancelling your plans is ridiculous. The rest of the post honestly reminds me of those made up posts just to wind people up. It is unbelievable that such a bizarre family dynamic exists and you are being gaslight to ask AIBU.
If this is in fact true, please screenshot ALL these responses to the family. They are all AHs of varying degrees. You can do better. Either he stands up for you now or this is the hill to let your relationship die on if he doesn't take action.

OhYeahOhYeah · 27/06/2024 21:39

Sandybeaches2222 · 24/06/2024 14:50

What do you think of this situation? Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 6 months and everything is going great until recently, we had a day off coming up together which we rarley ever got due to work, so we planned a day out and as we needed to pick something up from IKEA on the way back we planned it around that, however boyfriend's sister suddenly needed a repair at her flat, but the day the repairman could come, our day off, she had to work and didn't want to rearrange, so she asked my boyfriend if he could go to her's, an hour and a half away from us, and let the repairman in, we decided yes okay we will do her a big favour and cancel most of the plans for the day to help her out and found an IKEA on the way back and chose a restaurant on the way back from her's also to go to, all was good, however boyfriend casually mentioned to her we were both going and she immediately said no, she wanted to be their the first time I visited her house, (I want to add ive met her in person a few times before at family dinners already) and obviously on this occasion wasn't really possible as she was working, so he explained to her if I didn't go we'd have to cancel all our plans we'd made, so she said right okay then she can come then, but then afterwards, despite being a women in her 30s, went straight to calling her dad and complaining to him, his dad was annoyed at boyfriend for disrespecting his sister's wishes and his mum asked to speak to me in person, so I calmly spoke to her and told her I couldn't understand why she would have such a problem with me going when we were doing her a favour and cancelling a day out together, and if we didn't both go we'd have to cancel the entire day, I also said if I ever asked my brother to do me a favour I wouldn't then say, but actually your girlfriend can't come with you, just cancel all your plans, to which his mum responded, 'wow your such an angel arnt you' sarcastically, then said 'I won't have you bully my son into taking you when my daughter doesn't want you there, you've never been to her house before, you can't go until she wants you to go', so she made up that I was bullying him on the spot, when I tried to tell her that wasn't what was happening here she then said ' don't you talk when I'm talking young lady this is my house', then insisted my boyfriend go alone and I go home, so my boyfriend went by himself and I just don't know what to make of this situation that surely shouldn't have been a big deal? AIBU?

Ditch this situation while you still can. That doesn’t sound like a family you want to be involved with, even if you love the bones of this man.

If they’re behaviour is such now, imagine what it’ll be like when you are ‘part of the clan’

No no no. Recipe for misery down the line …..

Marine30 · 27/06/2024 21:39

Run OP, run - this family sound vile.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 27/06/2024 21:39

Also, if the mum speaks to you that way over something like that, which was frankly nothing to do with her. Can you imagine something more comlex. She sounds like she has a screw loose and boundary issues. What would happen if you had kids. She sounds like she flies off the handle and jumps to conclusions without engaging her brain. In short an extremely ignorant (and therefore dangerous) person. She’ll always maintain she’s right and knows everything and you’ll be apparently wrong, treating her son badly

MrsWeasley · 27/06/2024 21:41

If he isn’t prepared to defend you and the day you had planned and this early stage of a relationship then will he ever? I think you should have an honest chat with him about why he allowed his family to be so rude to you.

daliesque · 27/06/2024 21:45

Joining the dump him posts.

StormingNorman · 27/06/2024 21:45

You are always going to come last.

This isn’t a sister problem or a MIL problem, this is a him problem.

NinaPersson · 27/06/2024 21:45

My husband is a Mummy’s boy which didn’t become apparent until a few years into our marriage, I didn’t realise how easily she pulled his strings.

my advice is run while you can

Noseybookworm · 27/06/2024 21:46

Be glad that you found out before you got in too deep, you need to cut and run now! His family are nutso and he's a wimp.