To think a 2 year age gap is tough?

[Kaylh]

Am I just being weak? My kids are exactly 2 years apart (with a few weeks)

(DD1 is 2.5 and DD2 6mo) and I’m just finding it so tough

I know it won’t feel like a balancing act as they get older

but am I silly for feeling a bit overwhelmed right now

I have a 25 month gap, and it was tough - mainly because of the terrible 2s! My friends now have a 3.5 year gap and I can assure you that seems much much easier.

I'm the last to have a baby in my friend group, seen lots do the two under two thing and thought FUCK THAT.

Mad thing to do IMO. The happiest parents are definitely the ones with the five year gap.

I met a woman who was almost six months pregnant with a ten month old. She had thought she had being a mum cracked at 8 weeks post partum, so cracked on with going for her second. By the time the baby livened up (and stopped sleeping, started teething etc) it was too late.

I hadn’t read that your dh was away so much. And no family help. No wonder it’s hard, I would never have coped. Am not looking forward to the A Level/GCSE bit but after the first year or so it became loads easier.

I have 20 months between my two by DH didn't work away and he did bedtime every night. I still found it absolutely exhausting. Someone told me it all gets easier when the youngest is 5!

They're both late teens now and have always had the most beautiful relationship. Hang in there - it does get easier.

I would say do what you can to foster their relationship. Involve the eldest in doing things with the little one, playing little games etc. That will speed up the time when they can occupy each other apart from anything else!

I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old.
It's really hard.
Head down and griinding on. Not sure how else to do it.

We have under a 2 year age gap. In hindsight, waiting to get pregnant until the youngest is 3 is wise.

I was coming on to say exactly this.
Also4.5 years age gap here. Baby stages of Dd2 was easy because DD1 could occupy herself and was fully able to understand why she needed to wait a minute but I would spend time with her. Then she was at school.

However as they got older finding things they both want to do has been challenging. DD1 is the right age but Dd2 is too little, or DD2 loves it but DD1 is too old.

One trip (with friends) to a small theme park local to us was interesting. DD1 needed to be accompanied on the rides. DD2 was too little to go on even accompanied. The things she could go on DD1 was bored witless by. Thank goodness I did go with friends or the day would have been a disaster!

For years they had very different timetables in terms of when they needed to go to bed vs when they got up which made planning hard.

At 15 and 11 they do get on and it’s getting easier again but there are still challenges- after school activities that go on late for the 15yo but the 11 yo needs to be getting ready for bed - juggling this can be difficult still.

I don’t think there’s an easy age gap! Each one brings different challenges. We waited - wanted 3 years. Got nearly five years with a worry we might not have a second child.

Ive got a 2.5 year gap and i love it!

Eldest was talking, potty trained etc by the time youngest was born. By the time she got to 6m old and was starting to move and get a bit trickier, getting less portable, needing naps and a more consistent routine & meal times etc, he was turning 3 and past the worst of the terrible twos, plus he started going to preschool 3 mornings a week 9-12. I would collect him, we'd have lunch together then she'd go for a 2 hour nap & he and i would do things she couldn't do, like little board games.

Now they are both in school, 2 years apart and they play really well together, and have lots of friends with a similar gap so we'll often have siblings for playdates.

I had 18 months and found the first 6 months quite physically gruelling but it improved quickly after that as baby was doing much the same as toddler and they amused each other.

I hear you with DH working away.
Mine does too and the nearest family live 5 hours away.
I fly solo during the week. Again, bigger age gaps aren’t necessarily great then - having to stick a tired younger one in the car when they should be getting into bed to collect an older one from an activity isn’t fun either.
Im just getting to the stage where DD2 can be left now and it’s soooo much easier!

I have a few days over 2 years between mine and it’s certainly not for the faint hearted!

We kept the eldest in nursery 2 days a week and she had 2 days with her grandparents so lots of help but there were still days where I felt like a was being dragged in two directions and still not able to make anyone happy.

They’re almost 2 and almost 4 now and it’s much easier than in the early days. They play nicely for the most part and definitely entertain each other.

You’re at the worst stage of it right now. 22 months between mine and the first 2 years were the hardest. Both need your attention, the older one isn’t mature enough to fully understand the baby’s demands and sleep deprivation to add to it all.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Mine are 5 and 7, have mutual interests and mutual friends, play with each other, holidays are easier because they keep each other company. Also school and activities together means one drop off for many things

Every age gap has its positives and negatives, you’re at the hardest point for the 2 year gap but it will get better.

I had 20 months between my girls. It's hard work when they're little but it's so worth it. For most of childhood you'll be able to entertain them both with the same activities/days out etc rather than having to do two different things suitable for different ages. Mine are so so close even now aged 16/17 and the eldest doesn't remember life before the second one. Also you are deep in the baby/toddler stage but once you're done you're done rather than moving out of that stage and then having to plunge back into it with a school age child.

22 month gap was shit then and it's shit now (12 and 14 years)

I could have written this. Mine are now 8 and 6 and it's brilliant. When they were both under 3 it was horrific and I wonder how I got through it.

I had a 19 month gap between my two. Yes, it's hard, but overall I do think it's better than say a 5 year gap. If you're changing one nappy, you may as well change two. Mine were only one school year apart, so you're doing the school run for less years. Both were at Uni at the same time. The oldest did a 5 year degree and the youngest did a 4 year degree, so they graduated at the same time. They are now 27 and almost 26.

@OneForTheRoadThen Covid made it harder for longer in our cases as we had them both home at a time when they still needed quite a lot from us and childcare was certainly helping with the balance.

No idea how I survived it but it certainly put me off extending my family any further than the 2 I have. On the other side, I can genuinely say I love family life now they are that bit older and more independent

You're not unreasonable to feel that way now. The gap between mine is 2 yrs and a couple of weeks. It kicks your arse for the first 6-12 months. I found once my second started sleeping through it was easier. I think the close age gap has paid dividends though. Mine are much closer than siblings I know with a 3 yr + age gap. I think 2-3 years is the perfect gap.

That's the gap we wanted but my daughter wasn't born until my son was 3.5 in the end.

I could not have coped with a two year old and a newborn. I am in awe of anyone who has to 😅

I have 2y3m between my boys. The first 6 months were brutal but it does get easier, particularly as the oldest got closer to 3 and the younger became more interactive. They’re 3.5y and 15m now and they’ve just about got to the stage where they play together (kind of) and it’s lovely to watch them. Still hard a times but definitely easier than it was.

My husband also works away during the week, it is brutal sometimes. I admit the oldest probably has more screen time that he should whilst I sort the youngest. During the day we’re generally out and about, then we have dinner together, the boys go in the bath together, then my oldest watches an episode or 2 of paw patrol whilst I FaceTime my husband with the youngest and put him to bed, then my eldest will FaceTime his dad then one of us will do a story(my DH either takes a book away with him or makes a story up) then it’s bed. Then I have a tidy round, used to do bottles and sterilising, etc, laundry.

I’m sorry @CatMumSlave Do they not get on? Hope things improve for you.

There are 21 months between my 2 DDs and I remember the first year or so after DD2 was born being hellish!

Our girls are 15 and 17 now and really close, despite being totally different! I'm really gad we had them so close together, despite how hard it was in the beginning, as having them at similar ages has made parenting in general much easier (at least from my point of view). They've both been interested in similar things and been entertained by the same type of days out etc., rather than having a 3 year old who wants to spend the day at Peppa Pig World and a 10 year old who'd prefer Alton Towers!

I'd definitely agree the 2 year gap is tough to begin with, but it pays dividends later on.

I’d prefer to have to play with my only child from now to eternity than to have to endure this shit.

I have a 3 year gap between mine and it was TOUGH during the early years juggling a baby & toddler. Plenty of ‘why have we done this moments’. I will say it got LOTS easier when my younger child was 18 months and could finally play and engage properly with his brother. Now they’re bigger (11 and 8) and it’s really nice; my younger one keeps my older child from growing up too fast; my older child introduces his brother to things and he wants to keep up so is quite mature. They play together a lot and always have an ally. Keep going!