To expect my DS to behave better?

[ShabbyChic999]

One of my children, DS who is 15 is very difficult in terms of getting on with the family. I suppose it's his age but it's very extreme compared with other teens. We are currently on holidays in Greece, he didn't want to come, doesn't like the sun, doesn't like the beach, doesn't like spending time as a family, and is letting us all know it. We have rented a house with a pool and he just stays inside the house nearly all the time reading. He only comes into the pool in the evening once there's no sun on it. He won't come for a walk to the local town during the day and we just have to force the odd day trip. He very reluctantly comes out for dinner in the evening, he just doesn't want to spend any time with us and wants to be at home 😢

I'm feeling torn between wondering if he has a point (not everyone likes the sun,) or is he being a spoilt brat, complaining about coming away and letting everyone know how he feels?

Interested to know what you guys think 🤔 💜

My oldest was like this at this age, but we made him come with us until he was old enough to be left.
Hed sit in the air conditioned hotel in the day, on his iPad/reading. But he did eat with us at night.
he said he didn’t like our type of holidays, pool/beach, but now he’s an adult he chooses to go on the holidays he said he didn’t like!

He sounds very unhappy. If he doesn't interact at home it's not likely that he will on holiday. Has he always been this withdrawn? Does he have friends?

Yes he has good friends and that's the problem, he wants to be home with them, feels he's missing out 😞 We did try to engage him to help to choose where to go on holiday but he didn't.

@DustyLee123 thanks, good to know I'm not alone ❤️

At that age I'd leave him to it. You do your thing during the day and just ask him to join you for dinner in the cooler evenings - or he'll be hungry.

Each to their own. I don't like heat or beach/pool either so as an adult spent the days indoors with the air con while DH and PIL spent mornings in the pool.

I never tan and I dislike sun worship holidays.
My family used to go on sun sea type holidays every year. I used to sit inside or in shade and read books.
I love my family but didn't like those holidays. It's ridiculously hot in Greece and personally I'd have hated a holiday there !

We had exactly the same with our son when he was 15. Too young to be left at home, too old to be happy at the pool. It was our last “family” holiday with him, it just wasn’t where he wanted to be.
He’s an adult now, and like others have said, goes on exactly these type of holidays with his girlfriend now😂

Has he just finished exams, school or have you taken him out of school?

I’d be staying indoors too, I hate the heat. I’d have delighted if my ds had read so much at 15! Is there a possibility he could bring a friend next time?

DD was the same at the same age. Didn’t want to leave the air con, although we went to a gorgeous scenic place… she loved photography so she coped with the heat that day. She didn’t like the pool (tbf, neither do I, they’re just dirt soup)

She just preferred evenings when it was cooler.

Now at 19 she is desperate for some sun and warmth and is begging for us to go away. They soon change!

The age you see - 15 is pretty abysmal for many parents.

I see it as it's their holiday too, let him do what he likes. No one enjoys anything they are forced into doing

Is it just you/his dad and him? Could you bring a friend next time?

I'd just leave him be. Plenty of people hate being in the sun and feeling hot and sticky. I absolutely love it, but DD (18) would pick a winter holiday all the time and definitely wouldn't be laying by the pool or trying to get a tan. I remember being quite antisocial with my parents at that age and staying in my room a lot or being out with friends. I'm now so close to my mum and we holiday together frequently. He's reading happily so I'd rather him do that than him slouching along miserably having enforced fun. Teens!!!

If he is safe in the villa why are you trying to force him to join in? That just makes things stressful for everyone surely?

I hate the heat and would be absolutely miserable, uncomfortable and downright pissed off if made to go to Greece too.

I also don’t understand why anyone would choose a family holiday in a very hot country when they knew one would not be able to cope with the heat then add on blaming them for not joining in 🤷‍♀️. Surely there are lots of holiday destinations that could have been found that were more suitable for all or at least didn’t leave anyone out.

You're doing the right thing. Laying down expectations when you need to, leaving him to it when you can.
Carry on.

Yes, it's the age as much as anything else. It's the age they naturally start to break away from the family unit, friends become more important. If they didn't, no-one would leave home and eventually start their own family units.

But how hot is it? Much over 28 degrees and I would choose to stay inside.

Leave him be. Check on him from time to time, let him see you are OK with his choice, and maybe he will unwind a bit.

You've reminded me of something actually.

Ds1 (22) was recently proudly showing his new girlfriend our local area. We live next to a really pretty little range of hills just outside Edinburgh. He was waxing lyrical about them being 'the hills of home' and 'stunning'.

Remember when he was 15 and heading back from holiday in the car and he scowled at the 'hills of home' and declared them ugly and depressing.

He grew out of it. x

What's wrong with staying in and reading if that's what he wants to do?

Why did you choose a family holiday which your child would hate? Greece is very hot right now.

What kinds of things does he enjoy?

My fifteen year old son was exactly the same when we went to Corfu. I didn't try to persuade him and just let him enjoy the holiday in his way. I think it's his age. He will get over it

I’m in my late fifties so 15 was a long time ago but remember not wanting to hang out with my parents and being out with friends all the time. I also hate heat and stay out of it if possible.

I was exactly the same on a (lovely!) family holiday in France when I was 15. Hated the heat, hated being away from my friends and boyfriend, stayed inside reading all the time.

Just let him get on with it.

I assume the other children are younger? I liked holidays at that age but had no siblings and was allowed a cocktail in pubs so it was a grown-up holiday - and then at 16 went to Spain, unsupervised, with my best friend for a week!

To be honest a holiday can be lounging around reading. Don't make him come on days out - you'll have a better time without him, harsh as it sounds.

I’d be chatting to him about a compromise where he does whatever he wants in the day with no judgment from you, and then joins you for dinner when it’s cooler. Maybe you could agree on one day trip out together if you can find something you think he’d like too, but I’d probably not push that. I think if he’s left to it in the day, after a few days of reading all day and being left to it, he may think it would be nice to go for a walk or do something else for an hour or two- if you force him out/to the pool, he’ll just feel prickly and resentful and withdraw even more. I also hated a summer holiday at around 15 - I just wanted to be back home with my friends- now I love going on holiday with my parents!