DH says hurtful “jokes”

[ILikeEggsAnd]

Hi Mumsnet
My hubby is not abusive but every time he says mean things and says it’s a “joke”. Today he said “did I give birth to my dog?”
I’ve told him to stop saying mean things and say it’s a “joke”. He says he’s sorry but then does it again.
Is this normal?

Well he sounds horrible and sorry to hear he's so mean, you shouldn't have to put up with that.

But I don't understand the context of the dog "joke". He gave birth to the dog, or you? Why is that meant to be funny? What's the context?

I think I love you

This is all above my pay grade

I certainly don't love trolls who hijack other people's threads because every time they start their own it gets zapped. Alastair troll, bore off

I'd walk away when he does this.
Or I'd simply ignore.

Or ask him if he's okay. If he asks why, tell him, you think there may be something wrong with him and his ability to comprehend a straightforward request, as he continues to do this despite you asking him not to.

Keep doing this and just shake your head with a disappointment look.. while saying..here we go again

He'll soon get the message and if he continues, despite you making it clear you don't like it, then you know you have a husband, who doesn't care about you.

What did he mean by giving birth to a dog, and if you told him you don't like it and he continues it's disrespectful

I don't even begin to understand what the premise of the 'joke' is.

But if someone does something and it upsets you.

And then you tell them you are upset by it.

And then they do it again.

That's no OK

Has he always been like this?

I don’t get the joke and he sounds like a childish twat. You don’t have to live with this, it sounds utterly tiresome.

He’s a bully, and saying that it was a joke excuses it. He won’t get any better, and you are allowing his behaviour towards you.

What does it mean? If it's because you treat your dog like a baby, then that's just teasing imo. If he's saying you look like a dog, then he's an asshole and you should get rid.

But then again if you don't like it you don't like it. He's either an asshole or you just have a different sense of humour.

I'm guessing it means you treat the dog like your baby. Seems like a pretty harmless joke

Anyone saying "I was joking" when challenged for being unpleasant is showing a lack of remorse for the hurt they caused and is blaming you for feeling hurt and daring to articulate it.

You could reply "Oh, sorry, I thought jokes were supposed to be funny? Guess I just don't get it. Can you explain why that's funny"

Or "well no-one's laughing " or "Maybe leave comedy to the professionals"

It's bullying, plain and simple. Bullies often do the 'can't you take a joke' line so they make you question if you are right to be upset. I'd be telling him where he could shove his jokes. Stand up for yourself

Do you baby your dog?
Here we are cat dad and cat mum, so I would not get offended by that joke.
They are our babies.
Or is he being nasty? And comparing you to a dog? Or is he jealous that the dog likes you more?

How is it not abusive? It’s not kind, funny or loving.

Agree with this. I know someone who makes 'jokes' that are actually really offensive or hurtful. Quite often they are testing how I will react to what they have said before they will tag on 'it was a joke'. It actually is just animosity dressed up.

I don't entertain it at all but respond with a few choice 'jokes' of my own which, funnily enough, they can't handle.

Definitely not enough context over the dog joke. As others have said, if it's because you call the dog your baby then it's just teasing and you sound overly sensitive.
Presumably this hasn't just started? Has something affected the way you view his humour or has he changed in his behavior towards you?

It's called passive aggression.

"Banter" is one of the worst forms of bullying IMHO

Today he said “did I give birth to my dog?”

It's an odd thing to say unless you treat your dog like a baby and he was pointing that out. For example, do you dress your dog in outfits? Do you call your dog your fur baby?

Anyone actually understand what joke he is trying to crack here?