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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can someone explain why I’ve been told not to attend my court case?

32 replies

Ella2001 · 22/06/2024 13:44

Hi everyone , I appreciate this isn’t an “Aibu” topic but im posting here in hopes that il get more of a response . my solicitor is a nightmare to get a hold of and I’m left in the dark about it all , to cut a long story short
i have a solicitor due to my child’s father and his mother threatening to get a solicitor on me because he wanted 50/50 only because he didn’t want to pay child maintenance. I told him no due to him smoking weed around the child , taking her to his friends house so they can smoke in his kitchen (she was in the pram) and his mum doing unsafe sleeping .
anyway so my solicitor has put in for a residency order and had to attend court on 31st may. To then be told that the case was adjourned due to my child’s father not having his legal aid sorted .
the court case is now on Monday and I’ve been told I don’t have to attend ? Why don’t I if it’s my case and they asked me to come before it was adjourned ?
he now can’t afford his solicitor so has been left to represent him self , he said he has to attend , so why don’t I ?
he’s admitted to still smoking even tho he told me he stopped , he has started again and is willing to do hair follicle test, he knows he can have supervised visits with me and continue to smoke and not have the responsibility of looking after her , he’s now agreeing to the residency order so why does he still need to go to court ? I’m so confused by it all… if he’s agreeing to the residency order why does he need to represent him self ? Would it be because of the weed and him not being able to have her unsupervised?
hes only recently been in contact again, he stopped contact and didn’t see her from 3 months old to 7 months . Yes she was only 2 months when smoking around her
any advice is really appreciated right now.

OP posts:
CassandraWebb · 22/06/2024 13:51

I dont know, and it's remiss of your solicitor not to explain better, but it your ex is agreeing then possibly you don't need to attend because they will just be formalising the court order? So it will just be procedural.

However I am sure they won't mind you going if you wish to

Original poster
Ella2001 · 22/06/2024 13:53

CassandraWebb · 22/06/2024 13:51

I dont know, and it's remiss of your solicitor not to explain better, but it your ex is agreeing then possibly you don't need to attend because they will just be formalising the court order? So it will just be procedural.

However I am sure they won't mind you going if you wish to

That makes sense but I’m wondering why he was asked to go and not me if it’s my residency order .
I know solicitors are so busy and have other cases but it’s so frustrating being left in the dark and not knowing !

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 22/06/2024 13:56

You haven't been told not to attend, just that you don't have to. Your solicitor can represent you, thats his job.

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 22/06/2024 13:58

If he is self representing he has to go.

You can, but don’t have to go.

fieldsofbutterflies · 22/06/2024 13:59

Presumably he has to attend because he's self-representing, whereas you're not, you have a solicitor to do it for you.

It's not saying you can't go, just that you don't need to.

Original poster
Ella2001 · 22/06/2024 14:02

i thought that was the case , just feels wrong that I won’t know anything until after (if my solicitor decides she wants to actually contact me 🙄) they never gave me a time or anything so I think Il just have to sit tight !
it’s a nightmare , I don’t understand why he has to go now if he’s in an agreement to the order

OP posts:
AGlinnerOfHope · 22/06/2024 14:05

So you'd better go in case he changes his mind.

He will be there and able to say whatever he likes in that moment.

I would suggest you should be too.

Also, it will help to have something official in place in case he agrees things informally then changes his mind.

Sillystrumpet · 22/06/2024 14:06

Op, you have not been told you can’t attend, you have been told you don’t need to. This means you can decide to go or not, it’s your choice. It’s a nuance of the English language, but cannot and do not need to, have very different meanings.

Original poster
Ella2001 · 22/06/2024 14:07

AGlinnerOfHope · 22/06/2024 14:05

So you'd better go in case he changes his mind.

He will be there and able to say whatever he likes in that moment.

I would suggest you should be too.

Also, it will help to have something official in place in case he agrees things informally then changes his mind.

I do want to go but I can’t get a baby sitter for dd and they also haven’t given me or my child’s father a time to attend , they are closed over the weekend so I’m assuming they will just ring on Monday morning with a time ? (The court case is Monday and that’s all we know 🙄)
and I agree! But i have it in black and white that he agrees , also my solicitor is aware that he’s made the statement to agree ! So hopefully not

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 22/06/2024 14:07

it’s a nightmare , I don’t understand why he has to go now if he’s in an agreement to the order

Because he's representing himself, I suppose? Each party needs representation.

Original poster
Ella2001 · 22/06/2024 14:11

Sillystrumpet · 22/06/2024 14:06

Op, you have not been told you can’t attend, you have been told you don’t need to. This means you can decide to go or not, it’s your choice. It’s a nuance of the English language, but cannot and do not need to, have very different meanings.

I used the wrong wording I apologise, I did actually mean she said I didn’t have to, but they also never said I could go! Never been involved with courts before so I wouldn’t have known any of this ☺️

OP posts:
AGlinnerOfHope · 22/06/2024 15:38

It’s a horrible situation, feeling out of control and outside your comfort zone- not knowing when to get childcare for.

Is there a friend who can be flexible? I’d do that for a friend.

Original poster
Ella2001 · 22/06/2024 15:44

AGlinnerOfHope · 22/06/2024 15:38

It’s a horrible situation, feeling out of control and outside your comfort zone- not knowing when to get childcare for.

Is there a friend who can be flexible? I’d do that for a friend.

You sound like a good friend , unfortunately my friends wouldn’t be very flexible that way :(

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 22/06/2024 15:45

I remember your first thread about this bloke and his mum.

So he's still messing you around. What a bastard.

I think you have to attend court at the time it opens, to find out when your case will be heard. They don't give people times as such.

You can take the baby with you if you can't get a sitter.

Good luck! Hopefully this will be the end of his shenanigans.

Original poster
Ella2001 · 22/06/2024 15:58

TheShellBeach · 22/06/2024 15:45

I remember your first thread about this bloke and his mum.

So he's still messing you around. What a bastard.

I think you have to attend court at the time it opens, to find out when your case will be heard. They don't give people times as such.

You can take the baby with you if you can't get a sitter.

Good luck! Hopefully this will be the end of his shenanigans.

Oh really ? I didn’t know this!
yes I remember you from my last thread , and yes he’s still a nightmare 🤣😭 thank you !!

OP posts:
Sparklybutold · 22/06/2024 16:14

So just to be clear, you don't want him to have 59:59 because he smokes weed around the baby? But he has denied this?

Sparklybutold · 22/06/2024 16:15

Can I ask whether SS involved in anyway?

Sparklybutold · 22/06/2024 16:16

50:50 that should be?

Sparklybutold · 22/06/2024 16:18

Just so I'm clear, if SS are involved you can ask for a referral from SS for input from a family group meeting coordinator. In my experience courts like to see plans generated from this process and they can prevent escalation of things. You may also have the opportunity to self refer depending where you live.

TheShellBeach · 22/06/2024 16:19

Sparklybutold · 22/06/2024 16:14

So just to be clear, you don't want him to have 59:59 because he smokes weed around the baby? But he has denied this?

It's also because he gives the baby to his mum anyway, and goes out.
He's had her overnight and his mum took the baby in with her.
So he isn't parenting at all. He just wants to get out of paying CS.

TheShellBeach · 22/06/2024 16:19

OP can you link your last thread?

Randomworkmoan · 22/06/2024 16:27

Not all courts are time slotted so you probably arrive when court starts, assuming 10am or 10.30am and see where you are on the list. I doubt anyone will call you Monday morning, the coudf certainly won't and by the sound of your solicitor they hardly will either.

I know it doesn't feel it but often adjournments are in your favour, it is my understanding that once he indicated he was awaiting legal aid the judge had to adjourn it. Had the judge made an order, he could then have appealed that order which would have been more costly to you than the adjournment. (Not a solicitor though but this is my understanding)

Sparklybutold · 22/06/2024 16:28

TheShellBeach · 22/06/2024 16:19

OP can you link your last thread?

There's obviously a lot more to the story. But unless there's a safeguarding issue the courts won't decide not to do 50:50 just because the dad's mum cares for the child.

TheShellBeach · 22/06/2024 16:30

Sparklybutold · 22/06/2024 16:28

There's obviously a lot more to the story. But unless there's a safeguarding issue the courts won't decide not to do 50:50 just because the dad's mum cares for the child.

Show quote history

It's as much to do with drinking and smoking weed around the baby.

eurochick · 22/06/2024 16:34

I don't do family work so this is just a guess. If your ex has agreed to what you want but at a point when it is too late to cancel the hearing, the hearing will be very brief and to just get the judge to sign off on what has been agreed. There won't be submissions on the residency point if that is agreed. It will just be formalities.