AIBU to feel despair at the thought of having to work for another 18 years?

[Outor]

I am 52. I am deep in perimenopause, helped only partially by hrt, my ageing parents both have dementia, my kids are navigating A levels/university, my line manager is a bully, my job is stressful and I am fucking knackered. I never could afford to buy a home so I'll be paying (thankfully cheap as it's HA ) rent until I die. When I got my first job women's state pension age was 60. Now it's 67 but if I want to have any kind of tolerable retirement at all I'm going to have to work a couple of years at least past that to bung as much as I can into my pension - which I've only had for ten years because previous employers either didn't have one or had one that went under when the company did. I honestly think I'll be on my knees by then. I'm already tired! How much more tired will I be in 15, 16, 17 + years' time?

It's just shit.

Are you sure you are not covered by the Pension Protection Fund (PPF) with your previous pensions?

I went through similar; menopause, kids needing support and mum with dementia. All at the same time while working full time in demanding job.

It does nearly break you, not gonna lie

Thing is, things get better. Check the pensions, get help with the parents. Change job asap, meno gets easier.

Hi,

Please could you link to what magnesium you use, as im not sure which to buy.

It jumps out at me that you can't sleep. That makes everything in life 100 times worse.

I had early peri, I was 44, and like another PP I would wake up around 3am with tears running down my face knowing I had another shit day ahead feeling sick as I'd only managed 5 hours sleep. I was already on HRT.

I'm 55 now and the sleep settled down though is still an occasional issue. What got me through the early days of peri / menopause was the Nytol over the counter tablets. It would alllow me to at least catch up on sleep and feel normal for a day or so.

Also magnesium glycinate, not sure how much it helps but I definitely know when I've skipped it, as I get cramps in my feet.

My GP recommend this magnesium glycinate from Nutri Advanced. I wanted to buy in store before going on holiday so am working my way through a tub:

https://www.revital.co.uk/products/nutri-advanced-magnesium-glycinate-120-tablets?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzPDHhfruhgMV4pZQBh2fxwUyEAQYAiABEgK7wPD_BwE

This one also gets good reviews online and is cheaper:

https://www.superdrug.com/health/vitamins-supplements/multi-vitamins/new-leaf-magnesium-glycinate-high-strength-capsules-1040mg/p/mp-00022435?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADp4mz-rjkVrk3wC_bPMpWYoa5Nnu&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_YOcr_ruhgMVaZdQBh3-Ig9KEAQYDSABEgLG_PD_BwE

Thanks for that JamSlags, good to have recommendations

Sure
https://www.nutritiongeeks.co/products/magnesium-glycinate-3-in-1

Thanks so much

I hear you op. I planned to retire at 60 but now it’ll need to be nearer 65 I think. I’ve got a few pensions all maturing between 60-67. I think because I changed my job when I turned 50 it’s do able So now work part time,3 days a week from home. While that means I pay less into my pension it means I can cope with it for longer, if I make it to 65 that’s 9 more years. Think about having a job you can do for longer.
My DH will still be working FT till he’s 65 which is >15yrs. So it’s not as if I’ll be working and he’s retired. I couldn’t cope with that.

I use these

https://www.nutriadvanced.co.uk/megamag-perimeno-tablets.html

I had an iron infusion in Mar and the consultant recommended this company for vitamin D. They will also sell magnesium.

https://www.cytoplan.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIrs6gopDxhgMVwJZQBh1uqACXEAAYASAAEgJFFfD_BwE

Hi - I'm 59 and will not get my state pension until I'm 67 too. I recently changed jobs - my new job is lovely as are my colleagues and it's actually enjoyable! Try job hunting - it's not impossible - good luck

try not to wish your life away waiting for retirement op.

It isn't but if your pension takes your income over a certain level, you will pay tax. I have a professional pension and a state pension and I have to pay tax. Miserable but true.

I think the key is to find a job that you enjoy and also a bit easy. For example if you can do hybrid working, the commute is one of the tiring things. I am your age and am re training as I didn't want to be bored doing the same thing for another 15 years. I have really enjoyed studying, if you think about it you can't do much as a family while the kids ard doing their exams so you might as well be doing your own study.

YANBU, I have five years to go and literally don't think I can do another single day. I'm off at the moment waiting for surgery and the thought of going back makes me feel sick.
Arsehole husband decided to divorce me 7 years ago, so now I have a new mortgage that won't be paid off until I am 67 so I have to keep going.
We had planned an early retirement which I can't now have because of him. I have suffered ill health for some years and really needed to retire early.
Mid life crisis, he ran off with another woman who has now broken up with him and he is living in a rented bedsit. It doesn't make any sense at all.
Rented bedsit versus life with someone who loved him and an early retirement!!! He squandered all of his divorce settlement on the woman within a year.

Same here my sleep has been massively improved since starting magnesium a couple of months ago. I do find I have quite vivid dreams but previously I was getting up 2/3 times a night and being awake ages afterwards, now it is up once to the toilet and straight back to sleep.

The combination of all those stressors would make anybody quietly despairing, I would think.

I think you are right to start with sleep - I am wretched when I don't get a good solid eight hours, and I find both falling and staying asleep hard.

I take the magnesium and put meditation recordings or sleep stories on - YouTube or Aura - and that works for me. You could kick-start the process by going to the GP for a sleeping prescription.

It is also so so stressful looking after one parent with dementia, never mind two. My mother was on anti depressants for the last year of my Dad's life, and I could see very well why. This might be worth talking about with your GP, as well, about how you are feeling and coping.

Do you absolutely know your old pension is lost? Is it worth checking?

The working till 67 is just the grim reality for our generation. The best thing is to get a less physical job where you are not bullied. The job I have now pays half what I was paid at the one I was bullied out of, and the commute has doubled, but the net gain in happiness is huge. Maybe you can use your skills to get a similar job to the one you have now, with a less horrible manager. It must be possible.

You will get through all of this, but you need a break - start with sleep. Best wishes.

Or different people have different bodies, different circumstances and different experiences and for some it’s really hard and letting off steam, knowing others feel the same way and being heard is helpful. Careful getting down of that rather tall horse you are on.