AIBU to feel despair at the thought of having to work for another 18 years?

[Outor]

I am 52. I am deep in perimenopause, helped only partially by hrt, my ageing parents both have dementia, my kids are navigating A levels/university, my line manager is a bully, my job is stressful and I am fucking knackered. I never could afford to buy a home so I'll be paying (thankfully cheap as it's HA ) rent until I die. When I got my first job women's state pension age was 60. Now it's 67 but if I want to have any kind of tolerable retirement at all I'm going to have to work a couple of years at least past that to bung as much as I can into my pension - which I've only had for ten years because previous employers either didn't have one or had one that went under when the company did. I honestly think I'll be on my knees by then. I'm already tired! How much more tired will I be in 15, 16, 17 + years' time?

It's just shit.

I feel
Like this and I'm only 44 :(

I think your 50s are a real turning point for work.

DH always enjoyed working. He hit 50, hated every minute, sold up within a couple of years and now works part time. He used to do 50-60 hours a week happily.

Im ten years younger and still happy doing long weeks, still love my job, but it’s becoming tiring already in my 40s! So I can imagine feeling the same in a few years.

OP, I don’t know if I’ve missed it but what kind of work do you do? Is it office based? Serving customers directly somewhere? Or manual? I’m surprised to hear so many people are tired, I work in an office job and I don’t get the impression the people in their 60s are exhausted. It’s a nice environment though - the bullying may be what’s making it all such a slog. Try and look for another job , it’s get more difficult the older you get so you should try and move now. The stress from tolerating bullying will age you.

I disagree. I'm in my 50s. I like my job. I don't want to sit around and do "hobbies" or watch TV for 20 years until I die.

I like being busy and productive. I try and manage my health.

I think too many women of my age just fall into a mire of self pity and whinging. Sorry.

Have you looked for something else?

My work is pretty sedentary, just answering phones and sending emails, we have a lot of people in their 50s and 60s.

@piscofrisco

Similar age to you and i go through phases.

I have my own business that I have to work in as it's just me and one other that brings in the actual clients and money.

I was employed up until 3 years ago when I got made redundant so my employer based pension is now a self employed pension and so I'm going to be working right up to as long a so can to bump it up

My job is physically and mentally tiring and I've just adjusted my hours to three longer days rather than 4 and sometimes 5 normal days as I'm starting to find it harder and tiring.
On top of that I have all the paperwork and email contact side which is done in the evenings when I want to be switching my brain off

I have teens which are busy and need lifts etc so life's hectic

Our bodies and minds were not meant to be constantly overloaded like this and I feel this contributes massively to the sick bill and mental health issue in our country.

I’m exhausted too. I’m 51. Nursing a DH with a terminal cancer, have custody of a 3 and 5 year old.

Ive had to stop ‘working’ for now as there simply isn’t enough hours in the day but instead I get to worry about my pension which will be a pittance.

I’m 48 and totally agree. I feel exhausted looking forward at how many more years I have to work and early retirement is unlikely to be financially viable.

I’d love to be home more pottering, writing books and travelling. I find my job exhausting and although I’ve had interviews I’ve not managed to find a new role. I’m a single parent so everything has fallen to me for the last 13 years.

I think the key fact is that you don't like your job/company.

I am a similar age as you and I don't mind working in principle, but what I found exhausting is my current rubbish management and crap work environment.

So I am job hunting for something better because I can't see myself in my current role long term. It is really draining to be trapped in a job you really don't enjoy so start making plans to get out!

Yanbu, I’m 50 and I know I won’t be working until 67! I just can’t do it.

Save as much as you can, that is really the only option if you want to retire early.

I am fairly fortunate in that I have been paying into my pension for more than 20 years and can take part of it at 60 but as an RMN my job is intense and I physically and mentally couldn’t do it for another 17 years!

I plan to step back when my dc are through university and reduce my hours and level of responsibility and will keep going as long as I need.

I definitely think that planning ahead and moving roles is going to be the way forward for lots of us. Easier said than done, I know!

I'm the same age as you, elderly mother, one teenager and one slightly older who all need support.

I have no pension and no savings due to being self employed all my life, but covid partially destroyed my business so although I'm still running it I'm having to work a second job in the evening to keep it going. The rise in minimum wage means I can no longer justify employing anyone so instead I have to just get on with it.

I'm planning on working until I die tbh. There's no way I can ever see retirement and like most self employed people I invested everything in my business and never considered the idea that something like covid could destroy it.

You need to accept that you can't have a western lifestyle unless you work for it. Retrain while your brain still works if it's the physical aspect that you're struggling with. Sadly I think you need to accept that the days where people retired and could survive on a state pension are over.

It's an advisory role on the phone and also home visits to older people to fill out forms, but not mentally or physically difficult ! I work for a charity.

Yes it is and I am so sorry. That all sound like hard work. I think I was about the same age when similar events occurred in my life. Daughter's GCSEs , my father died and so on. The pension thing is an absolute pain. Luckily I have my pension but a lottery win would be terribly helpful! Can you change your job at all?

I think it's perfectly feasible to be emotionally knackered tbf.

OP, I'm older than you and honestly, things can get better. 💐.
Menopause is horrible, especially when it's combined with the stress of older teens, exam drama, uni applications, caring for elderly relatives and a demanding career.
A few years ago I don't know how I coped.
I'm through the menopause now, I have energy again, the kids are functioning adults and I no longer have to watch my beloved mother suffer.
I have many friends in their 60s who are working FT in NHS careers but are enjoying life post menopause. Please don't give up hope.

I'm not so sure that's true actually. I know there will be lots of people a lot worse off in the world but poor people (don't know if the op is poor or not) are doing really badly in the UK. Plenty of people in the UK are living in absolute poverty and dying because of it.

Contact the Pensions Tracing Service. It is possible something was saved from the wreckage when your previous employers went under.

https://www.gov.uk/find-pension-contact-details

I didn’t realise state pension was means tested

What do you mean by "compensate for switching plans"? There isn't usually a penalty for switching pension plans. You just start paying into the new one.

exactly this!

It isn't

Yet... but can imagine it will be coming!

Oh, I'm not pretending that finding a new job is easy. I'm just saying it's worth it. I'm a similar age to you, and I'm the best I've ever been. A big part of that is not hating my job. A bully manager will grind you down and destroy your soul.

I felt like this a while back. I changed careers. I'm still looking forward to retirement but it's not in the same desperate way now.

I agree with many other posters that it is your job that is bringing you down. If you were in a job you enjoyed you could probably cope with the rest. You are in a stressful job with a bullying line manager - no wonder the prospect of the future seems bleak.

I assume you have gone down all the official paths to deal with the bullying.

Start doing a real search of what else is out there jobwise and be open about what you might be able to do - make it a far-ranging search. Just starting to make a serious search will make you feel better. It will take time to find the right thing, but you do not have to sink into this stressful situation.

I did a huge change of career at the age of 50 and it was like being given a new lease of life. I took a bit of a financial hit, but it felt well worth it.

I hope you will find the right thing for you - it is hard to contemplate job searching when you are feeling down, but it might be the key to improving your life.