Limerance, pursue or avoid?

[LimerantStateOfBouyancy]

I've only had it three times in my life, now being the third. I know why it happens, it'll be my ADHD, dopamine chasing and all that jazz.

I cannot stop thinking about this bloke I cross paths with a few times a week 😐 we've exchanged pleasantries and friendly chat but I'm certain he has absolutely no idea. He gives me full blown fanny gallops.

It's basically a crush, but on steroids!

I think if I got it out my system, cough cough, that would help.

He's single.

Should I make my interest known or just avoid him until it passes?

NC because I'd sooner die than post this under my regular username and be recognised.

I'm definitely not looking for a relationship btw.

I'm sorry, idk what limerance is. But if you fancy him, just for a bit of fun, then go for it.
The worst that can happen is he's awful in bed and has a boring personality and you'll just live and learn from that anyway so no harm done.

Will you take no for an answer or continue to obsess?

Will getting it out the way by having a physical relationship get it out your system or will it lead to stalkeresque behaviour

I wouldn't be trying to start any sort of relationship or anything when dealing with limerance,it won't be true. It's like you've been temporarily hit with a love potion.

So you just want sex with him?

I think I'd run a mile if I thought someone with limerence was pursuing me.

You should probably Google it then?

If you’re both single I’d go for it

Should you pursue a single man you are attracted to? If you are single, why not?

No such thing as limerance.

@Funkyfizz what makes you say that, it's in the DSM5 so as real as any other collections of behaviours grouped together and given a name. Obsessive behaviour is not good for the person experiencing it or the person at the other end of the attention.

avoid

I get these feelings about random geezers, then a year later (after doing nothing about it) I always, without exception, find them really unattractive.

avoid!

I don’t think this is limerance. You just fancy a bloke and want to shag him. If you’re both single then go for it.

MN is the only place, either in real life or online, that I have ever encountered the curious word ‘limerance’. Yet it appears repeatedly in thread titles here.

I wonder why that is? If it’s a coincidence, it is a very odd one indeed. 🤔

I'm sorry, but thank you for 'fanny gallops' 😂

What’s the difference between this and just liking / fancying someone?
Surely that’s how most people meet?
like I worked with DH and had a crush on him before we got together

Lol I'm not going to stalk him, and I haven't stalked anybody else before 🤣 is it giving baby reindeer vibes?!

Limerance really is a thing and quite common in neurodiverse people. Like being hit with a love potion is such a good way of putting it!

If he turned me down it would likely kill it stone dead. In my experience, limerance thrives on the uncertainty of it all. It's the fantasy, innit?

I can confirm that's exactly what happened with the last one a few years ago, although I was seeing him for a while beforehand.

When you get to know them and discover that they're just as flawed as everybody else, fart in the bed and snore, it spoils it!

It was fun whilst it lasted though, but god knows what I saw in him then as I can't see it now.

I read somewhere that it's not actually them we lust after, it's an idealistic version that we counjour up and it's how we feel that we get addicted to, not the bloke.

When you put it like that... 😁

Limerance is something that's apparently okay for women to have, but in men it would be called stalking/creepy. I'm ND and despise the word.

I agree it sounds more like a good ol' fashioned crush than limerance, which (I think) has a much more obsessive/stalkerish element to it even if it doesn't go that far.

I think it's creepy for anybody to behave like a stalker, man or woman.

I definitely obsess but it doesn't spill into troublesome obsessive behaviour. Like, I'll think about the person non stop but I wouldn't dream of going to their house or blowing up their phone with non stop calls and messages. I have restraint.

I think there's varying degrees of all types of behaviour isn't there? Some people might be seemingly unable to stop themselves from behaving in a way that is problematic, whereas others are a lot better at hiding their feelings, managing them and keeping them to themselves.

I think, for me, what sets it apart from a 'normal' crush is that I am thinking about this person non stop, and I mean non stop, from morning until night, and there really isn't much basis for it as I barely know him. It doesn't feel very normal 🤣

Just leave the man alone. Acting on a mental obsession about someone is creepy as fuck.

Well that's me told 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think I agree OP not necessarily you but when when I see some posters previously talk about their " limerance" and odd behaviours I do think if you're that self aware you should be able to see If the rolls were reversed you'd probably run a mile so it's not right to put someone in that position

Roles*

It's spelled limerence, and yes there is.

Normally I am the first to call out the double standards in treatment of behaviours in men and women. However, I don't think that limerence is in itself stalkerish. It can lead to obsessive behaviour, which is of course not ok, but the difference between limerence and a crush is just the amount of headspace one gives it. To me, a crush is when you see someone hot and it makes you smile for a while, then you forget about them until you see them again. It is also more superficial: I only have ever had crushes on conventionally attractive men. Limerence is, to me, an entirely different beast. It can strike in the most unexpected places, and can lead to falling for men who are frankly unattractive. I liken it to the experience of Titiania falling hopelessly in love with Bottom the Weaver. It is best not acted on, but to call it a mere 'crush' is inaccurate ime.