What think you?

[SannaK]

I'll keep it brief.

I'm a woman, no real assets at all, apart from the obvious ones lol.

I've been seeing a chap, own home car etc. He has a grown son, the don owns his own quite substantial home and id looking to move abroad.
No prob. Heres the thing.

We talked about marriage. He says (the chap) that if we were to marry he would want the house eventually to go to the son on my death. He says he would get something legal in writing that I would be entitled to live in said home on his passing until I die and that he would also sign over a pension to me etc so that I could stay in the home (No mortgage).

Im not sure at all re this. A male colleague said it was cheeky and that I was just going to be a house sitter.

He is nearly 69 and I'm 55 soon to be. We have not been dating long just six months. Don't worry about upsetting me with your thoughts.

On the one hand I totally get where he's coming from. On the other this arrangement which would involve him drafting details, solicitors andy signing stuff leaves me cold. Not to mention not feeling romantic. Also if be concerned that down the line this could be contested by the son and his mother and I could end up on the streets.

Wise considered thoughts most appreciated.

SK x

I think it’s fairly normal for him to want the house to go to his son with you having the right to live there until you pass too. Why would you think you’re entitled to the house?

I think it’s just a will that would be in place but if you’re married it automatically goes to you. The will would set the arrangement in place nicely. What assets do you actually have - what is normal as you say?

What is it you think? Do you think you should get to keep the house you've paid nothing towards? That's ridiculous.

Having somewhere to live for the rest of your life for free is a great deal. But if you don't want that or the pension, tell him not to put you in his will.

I think he is being upfront with you, which is to his credit. I can understand why he would want to leave his house to his son and making the legal provision for you to live in it till your death seems fair, given that you haven't contributed to its purchase. There is less chance of this being contested than if he were to leave you the house on his death, in my opinion.

It's up to you whether you want to agree to this arrangement (should marriage be what you both want) and knowing the house will ultimately go to the son means you have time to make your own arrangements if there are people you want to leave things to in your will.

Do you own a house of your own?

Sounds right to me. After such a short relationship I think he’s being very generous.

You think you should get everything?

It’s what any responsible parent aged 69 contemplating marriage after a brief relationship would do. OP, it’s not his problem if you have no assets. And why on earth would you be discussing your future husband’s will with a colleague?

You’re obviously perfectly entitled to end the relationship if having a pension and a free place to live for life aren’t enough compensation for your personal ‘assets’.

Absolutely nothing wrong with what he's proposing. And as to the "not being romantic" 🙄. You're in your 50/60s...you're not teenagers with some idealistic notion of forever. He's being practical and sensible and yes, for a six month relationship, very generous.

Entirely sensible- I want my estate to go to my kids too, thats completely normal. As for the "it's not romantic" thing- I bet you wouldn't feel that way if it was you who had all the assets.

I'm unclear why you think you should inherit a house from a man you've dated for a few months, rather than his own child who he has loved for many decades. You are 55, why have you not saved up for your own home and future pension? He is being more than reasonable to offer up a right to stay and his pension to pay you off for the "relationship", you need to be a lot less greedy here.

He's 💯 in the right. His assets should pass to his son in this scenario.

If you had been part of his life for 30 years and contributing to paying the house then I'd be miffed but not if you haven't.

Get over yourself and accept whilst not romantic you're not entitled to it.

Tbh I wouldn't even bother getting married.

Your 55.
Where are your assets?

He could be very attractive to lots of women including much younger ones if he was going to give all his money away.

Good for him to look after his son.

You go and earn your own security girl.

I think that's very normal. My in laws got together and married in their 60's, living in FIL house. His will stated that the house went to his sons, but his wife had time to live in there (not lifetime though as she had her own property that she rented)

I've known a few second time marriages/married later in life and I believe all had the same arrangement

Your colleague is unreasonable. I wonder if he's a bit jealous?

What your partner has proposed is reasonable.

He could easily dump you for a much younger woman before he pops it.

Where is your security then?

You could die first, there are no guarantees.
6months in and thinking of inheritance stinks of gold digger.

I’m widowed.
I would do exactly the same in his shoes. The property I have was bought jointly with DC’s father. It absolutely should go to them on my death, not someone who has paid nothing into it.

Were you attracted to the person, or what you could take from him? if he had nothing would you still be wanting to marry?

If potential gain is what attracts you, I’d count yourself luck to be offered such a generous package. Pension and home to live in as long as you need!

Of course his son should inherit from him. If I was the son I’d be pretty miffed at a fairly recent stepmum prolonging that process in my grief.

What are you bringing to the relationship?

This is perfectly standard and normal and all it entails is either changing or making a Will to reflect his wishes

This is exactly my situation and I am more than happy with it. I think my DH has been very generous. We've been married 2 years and we put the arrangement in place just after our marriage by having an appointment with a solicitor to iron out all the details and create new wills.

I would have refused if he'd said he was going to leave the house to me. What would his children think?!

Surely you cannot think that you are entitled to everything he owns after 6 months of dating. Bloody hell.

This is his child- of course he wants it to go to him, I would too. You haven't contributed to anything with regards to the house so why should you get it?

He's being more than generous and as for the ending up on the streets thing- if you hadnt met him you'd have to sort your own accommodation so start acting like a grown adult and put some plans in place for yourself. You arent a child and are perfectly capable of finding somewhere to live. We all have to do that.

It's a pretty typical arrangement. Of course, if it makes you uncomfortable you can say no. If you decide to go ahead with it, make sure the paperwork ensuring you can continue to live in the house after his death is completed and correctly reflects your agreement.

If I read this right, you don't currently have any children and it's unlikely you and he will have any. So, imagine for a moment that you and he marry, neither of you has a will or anything official specifying inheritance, and you both die at the same time. Who should inherit the house other than (or as well as) his son? Is it really important to you what happens to the house after you die?

Sounds like you are getting a fabulous deal. What is the problem here?!

DH and I married in our 30s and this is what our wills say too, for our joint children!

That sounds more than reasonable me to me. I'm assuming you're not contributing to the mortgage. I'm married to my son's father but if I married someone else I would be leaving my house to my son.

You sound a bit grabby to be honest.