What think you?

[SannaK]

I'll keep it brief.

I'm a woman, no real assets at all, apart from the obvious ones lol.

I've been seeing a chap, own home car etc. He has a grown son, the don owns his own quite substantial home and id looking to move abroad.
No prob. Heres the thing.

We talked about marriage. He says (the chap) that if we were to marry he would want the house eventually to go to the son on my death. He says he would get something legal in writing that I would be entitled to live in said home on his passing until I die and that he would also sign over a pension to me etc so that I could stay in the home (No mortgage).

Im not sure at all re this. A male colleague said it was cheeky and that I was just going to be a house sitter.

He is nearly 69 and I'm 55 soon to be. We have not been dating long just six months. Don't worry about upsetting me with your thoughts.

On the one hand I totally get where he's coming from. On the other this arrangement which would involve him drafting details, solicitors andy signing stuff leaves me cold. Not to mention not feeling romantic. Also if be concerned that down the line this could be contested by the son and his mother and I could end up on the streets.

Wise considered thoughts most appreciated.

SK x

Well it is romantic that he wants to take care of a practical stranger. There is no way that you should come into his life at such a point and be entitled to everything he has worked hard for and then pass on to your family, he is correct it should all go to his son. The fact he has thought about housing you in the interim is kind.

Personally the whole thing is moving too fast, you are quite significantly younger and his health is going to start deteriorating quite rapidly in the next decade, do you really want to end up as a carer when you could be jet setting yourself.

The fact that you've reached your age with no assets of your own and this is what you are concerned about after such a short relationship makes you sound like a gold digger.

This sounds fairly standard. You’ve not built any wealth together and his son is the person he loves most. Why would the house go to you?

Wills aren't romantic.... they aren't supposed to be. He is being sensible and very generous.

What assets do you have?
It seems perfectly reasonable to me that he would want to leave his home to his son. Before you met him what plans did you have for your future and how were you going to pay for your care as you get older?

As others have said, this is pretty standard op. The house goes to the kids, but the remaining spouse gets to live there until they too pass away. He is being very fair and sensible. I don’t suppose you meant to, but you are sounding a bit grabby here - of course he wants to leave his house to his son.

Id say it is unfair for you to have a lifetime interest on the rest in the property as you could live 40 years longer than him and could even outlive his adult son.

you need to buy your own property.

Yes it makes sense. I don't see why you should get his assets when you came in with nothing at this age. Unless that's why you're with him.

He's being fair and he's being generous.
He is making arrangements to protect you, but also give his son the inheritance in due course.
He sounds like a decent man.

Similar age to you and I think it's good that he's been open about his plans. He intends to continue to look after you if he dies before you then, once you die too, his assets will pass to his child. This is exactly as it should be in a relationship like this.

When I was an estate agent I met a gentleman who'd had this same agreement with his wife and it was really sad because they had both moved to a new area north when she suddenly was diagnosed with terminal cancer, after she died he was really lonely and wanted to move back south where is friends were but the daughters wouldn't let him sell or even rent the house out. So he was stuck.

Personally I wouldn't be ok with this at all. There's a compromise somewhere.

It's really normal for him to want his assets to go to his child. I know a few couples who got together later in life who've got a similar arrangement to this.

What’s the obvious assets you have? Your own money? Or a shoe collection?

Yeah - another vote for he's being sensible.

You'll be in his house till you die, with an income from his pension.

What more do you want ?! You'll be dead after you die !!

It sounds ideal financially. He's being extremely generous. What are you giving him in exchange? Sex?

I thought she meant boobs.

(i could be way off obvs 😅)

I'm a woman, no real assets at all, apart from the obvious ones lol

Grim.
Shame on you.

What he proposes is normal and fair.

Wills arent meant to be "romantic" they're meant to be practical, fair and sensible. Just in the same vein, noone likes to think about their house burning down but we still get insurance for it just in case. Thats life - if you walked around not thinking about anything because it wasnt "nice" then you'd end up in a right mess if the worst happened.

He's being very generous and it's normal for people to want their estate to go to their children- why wouldnt they?

I agree with PP, you are coming across quite grabby here expecting to inherit everything when you've only known him for 6 months. If you are implying it should all go to you and his son should get nothing then that reflects very poorly on you and it would make me question your motives for dating him in the first place.

I think it sounds it’s the exactly right thing to do

This sounds fair, especially given the age gap between you. If it were me I think I would want the option of being able to downsize when older, if it's a large house, and that would need to be covered in his will, with the release of equity to his son. I don't know if that is possible, I imagine there will be a way, and you don't want to have to have an agreement with his son to do that.

OP is there just you or do you have children of your own?

Sure as hell wouldn’t leave my house to some random bf / short term dh and leave my son homeless.
Actually wouldn’t let a 55 yr old live in it forever either, as it could stop my son inheriting or having any say in the property for 25 years.
Might give them a year to find somewhere else to live.

You are discussing this after a FEW MONTHS? God give me strength. I hope he damn well ensures his son is 100% protected from financial predators like you.

Don't rush into this marriage. More for his sake than yours.

I really don't know. I feel like marriage comes with the expectation that you're going to look after eachother. Especially with the age gap, you could spend a good chunk of your years as his carer, feels a bit unbalanced. But then would it be fair for you to have his life's work after a few years marriage? No.
I think so long as you have a lifetimes interest to live there you're benefitting aren't you, it doesn't matter to you who gets it after you die.
Dating later in life must be quite difficult and complicated.

I think he's being generous letting you stay😂