MIL

[Molly2008]

So I invited MIL for dinner Saturday to say thank you for minding DC whilst we were away.

She asked what I was cooking said I wasn't sure she suggested a BBQ and I have since agreed. She what she could bring as I said bring a bottle and some crisps / nibbles.

She now asked if she can bring fish kebabs and a tomatoe salad knowing I don't eat fish.

For some reason this has really annoyed me as I feel like she's basically trying to plan the whole thing. So AIBU / over sensitive. She's just being generous not trying to dictate what I cook etc

It's hard to say without knowing her, but on the face of it I don't think she's overstepping here. If she knows you don't like fish, that's probably why she wants to bring it - because she does like it. I wouldn't be offended.

I think it’s lovely that she is offering to bring food and contribute to the meal. Why do you see it as trying to dictate what YOU are cooking since presumably you will cook what you have already decided to make for the barbecue. You sound a bit irrational to be honest unless there is a back story that is making you a this sensitive.

Well I don't eat meat, and do eat fish. So if someone was doing a bbq I'd take salmon or prawn kebabs.

YANBU
Sounds like shithousery if she knows you don't like fish, it'll stink out your BBQ. Plus bottle and nibbles isn't the same as fish.

No ones asking you to eat the fish

I don't like fish and this wouldn't bother me

She has asked so tell her no, you don't like fish. Tell her what you'd like her to bring.

YABU
She could be bringing nothing. Perhaps she really likes fish (does DH like fish?) so thought she’d bring some along knowing you wouldn’t have done fish?
You’re reading way too much into this - bringing some fish kebabs is definitely not planning the whole thing.

Thanks both I thought I probably was being over sensitive she has a bit of a history of taking over but I think I need to get over myself.

Tbh yes be miffed. You asked for a few extras and she opted for something you won't even share!!

You do need to get over yourself.
Any contribution should be welcome and if she has looked after your children then she deserves to eat what she likes.
Maybe next tome offer to include fish in your bbq menu.

I don't eat meat so always take a veggie option. I take more than I want so others can have some if they wish.

Still sounds like she wanted to take over - she suggested the BBQ, then she wants to bring fish. She didn't suggest fish in the first place cos you wouldnt suggest that to someone who doesnt like fish! So she's a bit of a manipulator.

Ids say ooh tomatoe salad would be lovely but no to the fish as we've already bought that sort of food in

Depends, is it enough just for her and a bit or enough for the whole family? If it's just a small amount I don't see the big deal.

Oh give over! As if someone would go to such daft mental gymnastics to 'take over' a family Bbq through the cunning ruse of unwanted fish. The woman has probably hosted more minor social get togethers in her life than enough already. She's just had the DC while OP went away, so she's hardly the devil out to spite her. And unless the OP is going to eat the whole bbq to herself, why on earth would it matter if there's a food on there she doesn't eat if others like it?

Just say "No thanks".

You're doing a bbq to say "thank you" to her for minding your children.

The correct answer to "May I bring something?" is "No, you've done enough already". And then you feed her all HER favourite foods.

Are you the only person who doesn’t eat fish?

Do you honestly think she is doing it to spite you?

or

Is MIL thinking she knows you hate fish, don’t want to touch it etc so she will take on the job you hate so everyone still gets to enjoy it without you having to deal with it.

I’m on the fence here

In all honesty, if she has done you a favour, whether you like fish or not, it wouldn’t kill you to do her fish kebabs yourself. In your own words, this dinner is supposed to be a “thank you”

YABU

She's looking after the DC whilst you are away, asking what you would like her to bring and then asking if it's ok if she brings a couple of things too that she particularly likes to a family BBQ.

I'm sure she has her foibles, we all do, but you're being oversensitive on this one from the sounds of it.

This is such a reasonable and sensible explanation and far more likely than some sinister MIL plot to upstage the OP.

Maybe she's trying to eat healthily and wants to bring something she's comfortable eating?? Saves you some time. Let her crack on.

Who is everyone? It's hardly the feeding of the 5,000.

MIL should bring something OP enjoys since it's OP who invited her.

This is basic manners.

My MIL hates pasta, I would never take her a pasta dish.

The bbq is to say thank you for her doing you a favour. The correct response would be ‘oh you don’t have to bring your own food! This is our gift to you, please tell me what you’d like and I’ll get it in’. You don’t like your mil very much do you?

Did you miss the part where the bbq is to say thank you to the mil?