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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask colleagues to pay me back after a month?

90 replies

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:12

We had a colleague going on mat leave last month and I have proposed to buy her a gift as a small, closer group (8 of us). I offered to sort the gift and pay in advance, shared all the options and agreed on a budget with everyone. Problem is that 2 of them haven’t yet paid me back and now I feel it’s been to long to say anything. I am not very comfortable asking for money but we ended up paying £15 so I am left £30 out of pocket for this. Is it pathetic to ask for the money back? I work in a high earning industry and my colleagues are all pretty well off so it isn’t a matter of them not having the money. Equally because of that, I feel a bit bad chasing people for it. What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:12

£15 each I meant to say

OP posts:
MooonDreamer · 20/06/2024 16:13

Yes!

didn't they know at the time what they owed you?

Italiangreyhound · 20/06/2024 16:14

It's not pathetic to ask for the money back at all.

But strongly suggest in future collect money before buying (or booking) anything jointly. People tend to forget and so this is why they say yes and then don't pay, but do remind them.

TheChippendenSpook · 20/06/2024 16:15

I hate being the organiser because you do usually end up paying a bit more than the rest. Usually for the card and gift bag/wrapping paper, but they owe you the money for their share of the gifts, so definitely ask them for it.

LizzeyBenett · 20/06/2024 16:15

I'd just send a very nice email as a reminder if it's bothering you that much but definitely wouldn't volunteer to do it again .

Sahara123 · 20/06/2024 16:15

Not at all , it’s very bad of them not to reimburse you straight away!
A reminder message with your bank details is absolutely fine .

Fraaahnces · 20/06/2024 16:16

Send them an email…

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 20/06/2024 16:16

Definitely ask them for what they owe you. Email them. Get it in writing. Then never ever pay upfront for a group again. Get the money, specify an amount and a date. Remind those who haven't paid once only. There are cheeky fuckers in every workplace who will try it on. I know to my cost

Original poster
FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:17

Yes I also bought her a lovely card and wrapping paper but haven't even asked for that money back.
And yes they all knew they owed me, it was all coordinated in a whatsapp group and they know some of them have paid me back as they wrote it in the chat and I had sent my bank account

OP posts:
Sa11yCinnamon · 20/06/2024 16:19

WhatsApp "Hi, just a polite reminder to anyone who hasn't paid yet, here are my bank details." Done.

BoxingFoamDollies · 20/06/2024 16:19

Definitely remind them. They owe you money, they need to pay it.

Original poster
FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:21

@LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand actually I know for sure one of them isn't trying to be sneaky, she is genuinely lovely and LOADED. I think they just forgot and I stupidly let it slip for a few weeks and now it seems awkward :(

OP posts:
TigerWhiskers · 20/06/2024 16:28

Just put

"Ah I forgot to send a reminder about this but XX and XX I've just noticed that you haven't paid yet"

But if its a specific group chat for the event that's already passed they may have muted or archived it. So you should probs send them a quick message separately.

"Ah sorry for not reminding earlier but I've just realised that I haven't received payment from you for things mat leave present yet."

loropianalover · 20/06/2024 16:33

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:21

@LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand actually I know for sure one of them isn't trying to be sneaky, she is genuinely lovely and LOADED. I think they just forgot and I stupidly let it slip for a few weeks and now it seems awkward :(

It’s not awkward, you’re making it awkward. You’re owed money, end of. It’s not fair that some of them are being let away with not paying when others paid their dues and you went to the trouble of organising.

Share your bank details again in the chat and just say ‘Hey ladies just a reminder of bank details for those yet to pay! 😄 ta x’

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 20/06/2024 16:35

It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. It’s simple

”Hi X, I still haven’t received your contribution to X Mat leave present. Do you need my bank details again? Have a great weekend!

hopscotcher · 20/06/2024 16:37

Absolutely ask for it back. They owe it to you, but may have forgotten. I'd want to be reminded if I owed someone money and hadn't repaid it.

Hadalifeonce · 20/06/2024 16:37

Just remind them they have yet to pay you for X's gift. You can include your bank details.

hopscotcher · 20/06/2024 16:38

And you don't need to be apologetic or hedge around it. 'Could you transfer me the £15 for X's present please? - cheers'

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 20/06/2024 16:38

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:21

@LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand actually I know for sure one of them isn't trying to be sneaky, she is genuinely lovely and LOADED. I think they just forgot and I stupidly let it slip for a few weeks and now it seems awkward :(

Lovely or not, she owes you money. It doesn't have to be awkward. A quick email, "Hi Loaded Lorna, I've been checking my bank account, as you do, and I've realised you didn't pay me back for ... Can you get the fifteen pounds to me please? Here are my bank details to save the hassle of cash. Many thanks "

FlowersAndFairiesAndPie · 20/06/2024 16:47

This is why I stopped volunteering for crap like this!

Original poster
FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:47

@FlowersAndFairiesAndPie lesson learnt

OP posts:
MooonDreamer · 20/06/2024 16:48

Last month isn't that long ago

If it was a whatsapp group and you reach don't want to ask for it you could say I've had payment from Sarah, Rebecca and Louise. If anyone else has sent something let me know as I can't see it.

I don't know if this passive aggressive though!

Or just say Thanks everyone who paid me for Laura's gift. I don't appear to have anything from Sue and Jane yet. Thanks.

JudgeJ · 20/06/2024 16:50

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:21

@LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand actually I know for sure one of them isn't trying to be sneaky, she is genuinely lovely and LOADED. I think they just forgot and I stupidly let it slip for a few weeks and now it seems awkward :(

The longer you leave it the less likely you are to get it back! If someone is seriously rich they probably think that £15 isn't worth worrying about.

Original poster
FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:54

@JudgeJ yeah but I am not very rich and £30 is not insignificant

OP posts:
maxelly · 20/06/2024 17:05

It's been a month, not a year. They forgot to pay, it happens, you forgot to remind them, it happens, no biggie or awkwardness that I can see. Just drop a casual 'hey X I noticed you haven't paid me back the £15 for Y's present, here's my details again in case you need them, thanks' - should be fine!