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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask colleagues to pay me back after a month?

90 replies

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:12

We had a colleague going on mat leave last month and I have proposed to buy her a gift as a small, closer group (8 of us). I offered to sort the gift and pay in advance, shared all the options and agreed on a budget with everyone. Problem is that 2 of them haven’t yet paid me back and now I feel it’s been to long to say anything. I am not very comfortable asking for money but we ended up paying £15 so I am left £30 out of pocket for this. Is it pathetic to ask for the money back? I work in a high earning industry and my colleagues are all pretty well off so it isn’t a matter of them not having the money. Equally because of that, I feel a bit bad chasing people for it. What would you do?

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 20/06/2024 17:07

Been in your exact situation OP. I wrote all the contributors names on a bit of paper with ticks against the names of all that had paid. Then went to the ones that hadn't and said "just found my list from xx's collection, if you could pay me back this week that would be great". I did also add jokingly "otherwise I might have to start charging interest".

It's a point of principle and nothing to do with who earns how much. Chances are, it's nothing untoward and they've simply forgotten.

Just ask.

And make a mental note not to do this again.

Looneytune253 · 20/06/2024 17:07

Just put on the group chat 'I'm still waiting for 2 payments from the whip round, please can you send asap please' that's it, just simple and direct and non confrontational

Apolloneuro · 20/06/2024 17:26

Just say something, “I noticed the other day that I seem to be missing the payment for xxxx’s present. I know you’d want me to remind you.”

TooLateForRoses · 20/06/2024 17:28

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:17

Yes I also bought her a lovely card and wrapping paper but haven't even asked for that money back.
And yes they all knew they owed me, it was all coordinated in a whatsapp group and they know some of them have paid me back as they wrote it in the chat and I had sent my bank account

Use the chat say you're still waiting for 2 more payments please

Roseyjane · 20/06/2024 17:28

Just message them individually and say oops just realised Jenny’s money is still outstanding thanks,

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/06/2024 17:35

Just ask them to pay!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 20/06/2024 17:36

Don't say oops or apologise in any way, you haven't done anything wrong.

"I still haven't had the £15 from you for x's gift, can you please transfer it asap, here's my bank details, thanks".

Londonrach1 · 20/06/2024 17:37

Just ask for the money...

Dolly567 · 20/06/2024 17:38

I would just put
I've come round to organising another gift for someone and realised last time I didn't receive two payments for X .. I wouldn't disclose names just ask if it could be sent whoever forgot.
Done with or you'll have to write it off I'm afraid

Badburyrings · 20/06/2024 17:41

Sa11yCinnamon · 20/06/2024 16:19

WhatsApp "Hi, just a polite reminder to anyone who hasn't paid yet, here are my bank details." Done.

Exactly this.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 20/06/2024 17:41

Send a group message or email to all involved saying may those of you that have not already contributed towards the maternity gift for ...... please send the payment ASAP. Does not single anyone out but indicates to others some in the team are cf's

Flopsythebunny · 20/06/2024 17:42

Stop fannying around and just put a post in the group saying that you are still waiting for payment from 2 people and you would appreciate payment by this weekend. If they haven't paid by Monday, name them!

Doseofreality · 20/06/2024 17:45

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:17

Yes I also bought her a lovely card and wrapping paper but haven't even asked for that money back.
And yes they all knew they owed me, it was all coordinated in a whatsapp group and they know some of them have paid me back as they wrote it in the chat and I had sent my bank account

Send a message in the WhatsApp Group saying :

”Just a reminder that it was £15 each towards the cost of the present incase anyone is wondering as I am
still awaiting reimbursement from a few of you”.

husbandcallsmepickle · 20/06/2024 17:52

Is it payday next week? Perfect time to chase up.

freakinthespreadsheets · 20/06/2024 18:19

@FreeBeeBird if you feel awkward bringing it up (which you shouldnt) you could always tie it in to payday if thats soon for you as it is for me. "Hi everyone, since its payday I thought I'd send out a final reminder for those who haven't paid yet to pay me back for X's gift yet, thanks!" Then it's not as "random reminder" as you might feel it is.

theonlygirl · 20/06/2024 18:22

Always, always get the money first. I sometimes forget to pay stuff. Bright and breezy reminder with bank details.

FinallyHere · 20/06/2024 19:22

now I feel it’s been to long to say anything

This is just wrong thinking. It's not awkward. Just post a thanks to everyone who has CV paid up unprompted, polite reminder of £15 to everyone else

In future, if you make such an offer, chase for the money in advance. You are still doing all the effort and people should be grateful.

I'm sure it's just slipped their memory do a prompt will sort it can't, in future in advance.

It really is that simple.

FlowersAndFairiesAndPie · 20/06/2024 19:53

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:47

@FlowersAndFairiesAndPie lesson learnt

100 percent. They need to pay. It's like they think you'll forget! If I owe someone a quid I'm worried about it lol.

StripeyDeckchair · 20/06/2024 20:37

I'd have no problem emailing both
Hi you two, you still owe me £x for the present, my bank details are xxxx or cash will do.
Let's get this sorted ASAP so I can cross it off my list
Thanks

If there's a WhatsApp group fir all of you I would message it so all the others know they are crap at settling debts.

And never organise this sort of thing again - there are always people who don't cough up

JudgeJ · 20/06/2024 21:45

FreeBeeBird · 20/06/2024 16:54

@JudgeJ yeah but I am not very rich and £30 is not insignificant

I too would want my £30 back, my point was that very rich people they can't understand how important it is to the majority of us and 'forget' about it after a few weeks so need chivvying along!

EatTheGnome · 20/06/2024 21:49

I wouldn't allow myself to be out of pocket. I'd ask nicely and directly and in a 1:1 way. If I got no reply by middle of next week i would message whole group and say that the group is £30 short- do people want to pay extra or should you return the gift and someone else can step in and sort it.

Cherrysoup · 20/06/2024 21:50

Message them separately. They need to pay up!

GoneFishingToday · 20/06/2024 23:58

Unlike everyone else, I think I'd make a point of shaming them for not paying, why do so many people think it's OK to go around using other people's money, and not paying it back at the earliest opportunity?

In a situation like this, if I was working in an office for example, I would wait until the guilty party walked by my desk and call out 'Sue, am I right in thinking you've forgotten you still owe me the £15 for 'X's' gift?' She'll probably say 'OMG, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot'. At which point, just make a joke and say, don't worry, I take cash, or you can pop it straight into my account if you prefer, here are the details'. Then repeat the process with the other one. That way, other people know they're not good at paying up, whether innocently or not. If they don't then pay swiftly, I'd bring it up in front of the rest of the office again, and say 'Sue, you do realise you still haven't paid the £15 you owe me, have I got to send in the heavies to make you cough up, or what? Giving a little laugh as you say it, so that it doesn't make you look like a complete bitch for asking for what is rightly yours. If anyone says something like 'it's only £15 surely it's hardly worth making a song and dance about?' I'd answer that with, 'it may only be £15 to you, but if all of those who agreed to contribute did the same, I would be out of pocket by £120, not quite so small an amount then, is it?'

As you can probably tell, I've had my fingers burned like this before, and even if it's only the principle that makes you chase them, and not that you actually need the money, they should still be ashamed for not paying up, otherwise these people will continue to treat other's money as their own personal piggy bank.

Selttan · 21/06/2024 06:09

I'd just put in the group chat that you've just checked your bank account and realised a couple of people have forgotten to pay and if they could please sort. No need to name names, I bet this will prompt them to pay.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/06/2024 06:32

In future always ask for contribution in advance.

But of course ask for the money now, they have probably just forgotten