Am I reading too much into this?

[futuredreaming]

I'm due to give birth in the next couple of weeks and dh has been a great support, rubs my back, buys everything I need etc but there's one thing that's bothering me and I can't decide if it's hormones making me over think things or if I should be grateful but...
It's occurred to me I haven't chosen anything for the baby.
He has bought it all from pram to clothes to crib, baby swing, you name it he's chosen and purchases it.
I've been with him and agreed but anything I pick out he has a list of reasons why it's not suitable and then it's always him that chooses.
I know it sounds silly because he's obviously enthusiastic and excited but I just feel like he's taken over this pregnancy and I don't feel like I've had much of a say.
When I brought it up with him he says it's untrue and I can buy whatever I want but in reality if he doesn't like it he will be obviously unimpressed so I just leave him to decide.
He's very fussy in what he likes and dislikes where I'm more easy going so I think I'm starting to opt for the easy life of doing what he wants because then he's happy.
He's a nice guy and we're generally happy I've just begun to realise I am taking a back seat and don't want this to continue.

No no no, this is all kinds of wrong and you are justifying/ excusing it. Yes you need to be more assertive, but also he is being really obnoxious/ controlling. He should be interested in figuring out what you want/ like and not just rail roading his own agenda all the time. Also why does he have an opinion about everything?? What does he know about prams and all the rest of it really?? And is he planning on doing the majority of the baby care??

Exactly what I was thinking. Also the last thing you need when you've got a new baby is some cunt telling you you're doing things wrong or they think you should do it such and such a way. Definitely be telling him you'll get what you want and if he doesn't like it tough shit. Is he controlling in other ways? You shouldn't feel like you have to give in to avoid his disappointment, that's not a healthy way to live

Order some things you like now and test out his reaction.

You need to quickly find your voice.

Some cunt, you do realise this is her husband and the child’s father, not some random off the street??

Is this a relatively new relationship? You seem very unsure if where you stand, when it comes to purchasing something for the baby and the house?

Have you both decided on the house? The baby's name? For example, as in you make joint decisions? And are able to veto, something if you're not happy with it or don't like it?

If not, then he sounds like he's passive/aggressive in how he controls things. Which isn't good at all. It's low level abusive behaviour or may end up that way.

You should feel free to purchase what you want with in financial reason for yourself, your home, and baby.

Get out your laptop as a pp said and buy some bits, that you've chosen. Leaving it all to him may also resent in a long, slow build up of resentment.

H was slightly like this and would get excited about buying things (never poo pooed my choices) but before I would know it all of the birthday presents or Christmas presents would be bought...we sat down and I told I felt like I wasn't able to feel like I was part of the happy memories and gifting properly as it was always his choice first and anything I got on top would be over kill...he agreed and now we make a joint decision on the main bits and both get something small from each of us.

Oh and the pram was bought with him in mind...my H is 6'6 and we needed something that could adjust for him to use comfortably and same for me

It is a personality thing until it ceases to be one.

I have definitely more and stronger views than my wife and I have always made them known - and she was like you - both more laid back and less forthright and definite with her views.

As others have pointed out - this is all fine until it becomes a matter of survival of personality and own sense of taste.

My wife learned to buy things without seeking approval and I learned to keep my gob shut if it did not interfere with my own wellbeing or was otherwise actually crucial. Just because I had a view on everything does not mean my view was the only one or the correct one. And eventually we found our balance.

I think this is a you problem and you need to be less passive.

You should both get what you want, unless it’s something that the other person hates, then you should try and find a compromise.

If you can’t agree on big things like a pram, then you should wait to find one that you both like.

If it’s smaller things, like clothes, then you don’t need the other persons permission or opinion.

Is there anything else you need for the baby?
If so, have a look on your own and find one you really like and then tell him about it but stick to your guns.
If he absolutely hates it, then find another one that you like but do not just get what he wants.

One line comes to mind op;

”you don’t need permission”

Good luck.

I hope your dh is not as controlling in other aspects of your life together. Be careful.

You’re not overthinking it. That sounds very controlling

Op if you don't get more involved you are likely to feel like the nanny if he is making all the decisions...

Yes I do and if he's being a controlling twat what else would you call him

This reminds of a current story line in Emmerdale where one character is doing the same to his newly pregnant wife. Awful.

I don't watch it but I know the exact kind of bloke it is. It will only get worse, let's face it it's not going to stop is it

Just sounds like it's your own issue of not being vocal enough when you like something or when you don't like something he chooses.

It's hard to say without knowing him, but it might just be that he wants to feel really involved (he can't be pregnant, you're doing everything in that sense!). Or is temporarily controlling baby stuff a bit more to feel generally in control, in his mind, of a baby coming, if that makes sense. The overwhelming idea of a new baby is a lot to take to be fair so he might just be a tad over focused on the being prepared part.

It could be something else of course but my own H did actually get like this for a while then chilled out quite a bit after we'd hit the 3 month stage (of our newborn arriving).

Either he's a nice guy and you've just been too passive for your own good, or actually you feel like you can't voice your wants without him beating you down to his way of thinking. It can't be both.

This is a 'you' problem OP (no idea where others are finding 'red flags' ffs!).

You sound terribly passive...and thankfully your DH has a bit of gumption otherwise your poor child would have nothing organised!

Find your voice and start using it!

That's the behaviour of an twat.
So it sounds like it is just easier to let him have his way rather than risk him grinding you down about it.
But unsurprisingly lots of posters happy to make it a totally you problem.🙄
He sounds like a bullying arsehole.
Make sure you return to work after mat leave and keep your family and friends close. I reckon you are going to need both.

I thought of anxiety too and I agree you're constantly looking for approval and anxiety is very common in pregnancy. (You said you'd never felt this way before)
I'd talk to dh because he might have noticed this and think he's taking the pressure off you by getting set for the arrival.
Communication is key I think.

Put your foot down now or he will be the one making all the decisions for the child... whether you agree with those choices or not.

OK from your update it sounds like he isn't being fair, and is highly critical of your choices, rather than an issue of you being naturally far too passive.

His constant criticism is (consciously or not) designed to make you behave exactly how you've ended up behaving in response...being too wary of his reaction, so that you don't offer any opinion, so he gets the result he wants (having control over every decision). Be aware that this is a sign of controlling behaviour.

No one knows the future, we all make decisions every day, some turn out better than others. Unless you're doing stupid things that affect your health / safety / finances etc then it's really not on to criticise your choices so much. I'm sure he buys things that in hindsight, were the wrong choices, or picked the wrong route to travel, or the holiday destination that turned out to not be as good as last year's. And you don't try and undermine his confidence about his ability to make choices or try and make him feel worse, when things have gone slightly wrong.

I do think you need to sit down with him, outside a discussion about a specific item to buy, and tell him you've noticed this dynamic in your relationship, you know he always wants the best but his assumption that his opinion is right, his absence of asking for your opinion and taking it into account in important decisions, is hurtful as it feels like you're not being treated a San equal partner. And when he can't let it go when he disagrees with a past decision you've made / says I told you so, you've realised that you have started feeling like you shouldn't speak up in some situations and you don't think it's very healthy for your relationship - you feel blamed, even if thats not his intention. And ask him what he thinks, and if he has any ideas about what you should do about it. Suggest some ways you can decide things together so you can both feel involved and equally reaponsible so there is no blame if things go wrong. Eg you agree most important features of a purchase in advance - if yo8 disagree then the purchase has got to have your top features for both of you. You both get an equal number of vetos. One of you does a shortlist and the other picks. Or you write down the things that you need to buy and then take in turns (one chooses the wallpaper, one chooses the paint)