To think some people really get a kick out of the authority they have over kids?

[YaWeeFurryBastard]

Recently at a table into a restaurant next to a group of 6 adults, parents and presumably auntie/uncle and grandparents and a little girl of about 5 who sat nicely for about an hour colouring in while the adults chatted. Towards the end the little girl spots a chocolate cake at another table and asks her dad if she can have one, dad says no (fair enough) and little girl starts whining. Dad then proceeds to go on a long and extremely loud, combined with looking round to see who’s listening rant about the list of privileges he’s going to remove if she asks again, culminating in the little girl having no tv all weekend.

Now obviously that’s shitty parenting, but it got me thinking about my childhood and how my parents seemed to love dishing out arbitrary sanctions over very minor offences, almost like a power trip.

I’ve also noticed it on here along the lines of “mine wouldn’t dare speak to me like that” “I’d come down on him like a tonne of bricks” and grounding/removing of phones for unrelated reasons.

Personally I’d have just given the kid a chocolate cake, barring any dietary issues, but maybe I’m too soft 😀.

Has anyone else noticed this/knows what I mean?

Yep and don't get me started on parents disciplining their kids and making a video of it and putting it on social media. Appalling

Yes, some parents are just shit, and that’s the bottom line. Absolutely do know some parents who love the power, disgusting behaviour on their part really.

Ugh, absolutely awful, it’s like some people just love to show off how much “power” they’ve got.

I hate parents like it, they are strict for the sake of it and have rules that are often unnecessary. Everything is a lesson and they often seem to want to tell others about it like they think it’s a good thing.

A relative of mine has always been like it. He always makes a big deal out of something tiny, he’s constantly on at the kids, expecting perfection, punishing them in a disproportionate way. When he does it, he looks to us as if you say ‘this is how you parent’. 🙄 His kids don’t respect him, they can’t relax with him around, tell us they hate him and can’t wait to escape him.

You're joking???!
Surely to god they don't do this?

I dont know - there's a lot of feral entitled kids these days. Maybe because their parents just give them the chocolate cake and don't ever say no or discipline. Just saying.

Agreed!

Now I am a parent myself I think back to some of the things we weren’t allowed and wonder why on earth my parents were so strict about such random things.

Food is one I see a lot. No wonder so many people end up with eating disorders.

There were feral, entitled kids when I was young and I’m now 40 so it’s not just ‘these days’ and has fuck all to do with giving your kid a chocolate cake when they ask for one, kids have every right to ask for something they want, parents can say no but they shouldn’t be punished just because they asked, that’s called being an arsehole.

For what it’s worth there are also a lot of feral, entitled, arsehole adults around these days too, just saying.

Doesn't sound like she was punished for asking - she was punished for whining after the parent had said no. That's different. And any teacher will tell you it's a million times worse these days with entitled kids.

I wish someone would come along and punish the whiny arse adults that are around then because there are fuck tons of them.

And it’s funny because I’m related to three teachers and they don’t say that at all, my MIL will say that my DH was just as bad, if not worse than the any of the kids at her school although he had managed to not be an arsehole of an adult. The thing is teachers now won’t really have been teaching when I was young or when my Dad (who tells many stories about how bad he was and how he got the belt all the time - not that it stopped him) was young so the comparison isn’t really accurate.

Some people do get very carried away by the power they have over children and the unprecedented boost to their own perceived status. Unfortunately these parents come unstuck during the teenage years, because they can't let go of the power and make the transition to a healthy adult relationship. They are the ones smugly proclaiming "I'm their mother, not their friend" when their 16yo wants a bit of breathing room, and then they are the ones wondering why their kids at university don't rush home in the holidays.

Did none of them praise her for sitting nicely for an hour at 5 years old while they chatted amongst themselves?

We have (ex) friends who are like this and we've completely stopped being around them because it's so uncomfortable. Each individual thing is within the bounds of normal but because they get on this poor kid about absolutely everything, never letting the slightest thing go,it is just constant. And like your relative they're actively smug about their fantastic parenting.

It does drive me insane when I see adults treat children with very little respect because they are older than them.
As an example, albeit slightly different, my daughter attended a nursery where her key worker was very stern and demanded respect. Very much ‘you will do as I say’ and ‘I am in charge here’. My daughter was terrified of her. The final straw was when I left my very upset daughter with her and she was sat on her lap. There was a window in the door which I peeped through. As soon as this lady thought I had left she dumped my daughter on the floor still wailing.
In contrast, she now attends a nursery which follows the Emilio Reggio regime wherein respect for other and being a community is key. The teachers treat the children as individuals whose ideas have value. They are kind and empathetic.
Don’t get me wrong, they are firm when they have to be but after spending time in there
this rarely occurs probably because the children feel listened to and respected.

This.

Personally I’d have just given the kid a chocolate cake, barring any dietary issues, but maybe I’m too soft 😀.

But then you go the other way and end up having precocious child who never hears the word no and grows up an entitled brat.

You are really defensive about this, is this triggering for you in some way?

Imo the feral kids are the ones whose parents don't really tell them off at all and do this gentle parenting stuff. Kids need to be told off sometimes but not in the way the man in op did.

Naturally there will be times when you need to say no due to time, about to have a big dinner etc. but I’d definitely have a little moan to my husband if I couldn’t have chocolate because the shop had run out or something, I don’t understand why some people expect their kids to have greater reasoning and emotional control than most adults.

The poor 5 year old had sat quietly for an hour while the parents chatted amongst themselves. She then saw someone eating chocolate cake and didn't behave in a saintly way when disappointed she wasn't allowed pudding.
Not being allowed chocolate cake will have felt like more than enough punishment to her. She doesn't need to be punished all weekend for being disappointed. Some people are clueless. They think that ignoring good behaviour for an hour then punishing her all weekend for not reacting in a saintly way when not allowed pudding is great parenting. It's not, it's crap parenting and is far more likely to result in an angry child who acts up in future than praising her good behaviour and letting her have a pudding she saw or not over reacting to her being disappointed at not getting one

What I hate is parents who bang on about ‘ground rules’. To me it always sounds so bossy and controlling.

yanbu. I hate seeing it.

My husband walks past a high school on his way to work, where a right knob of a teacher throws his weight around at the kids arriving (on time/early) to school. Invisible uniform infractions, poor posture, that type of thing. My husband says the younger kids look terrified. He’s taken to laughing in the guy’s face as he walks by, and I love him for it.

Sadly, a lot of people are bullies. Bullies are usually cowards and will look for weaker people to inflict their ways on, so their own small children are a natural target for them. Imagine being in your 20s, 30s, 40s and shouting at a 5yo child and enjoying needlessly upsetting them in order to feel good about yourself.

And it's perfectly fine to say No to children, but it's all about how you do it. They want something, so they ask you for it, and if you just say No without giving them any gentle explanation or simple reason why it's not possible/a good idea/allowed on this occasion, of course they're going to be frustrated and disappointed.

I often hear adults absolutely bawling at little kids. I'm not talking about teenagers who know they've behaved atrociously and need to have the riot act read to them on occasion. So many parents never actually talk to their children, but screaming at them is just their default mode.

You knew that small children are frequently annoying and infuriating, long before you chose to have one - you were the same when you were a small child. I cannot comprehend planning a much-longed-for baby, all the excited anticipation throughout the pregnancy, then giving birth and meeting this beautiful tiny person who will totally put their trust in you and love you... only to then spend all day screaming at them as soon as they've learned to walk.

Put differently, she was punished for being five. It was probably a lot more disruptive for everyone involved when the grown man at the table went into an extended, over the top rant against a child.

He was way too harsh, of course she'll ask for cake!

However,

Your child asking you for the 1000th time if they can have an ice cream or a LOL Surprise magazine is bloody annoying.

To you, you're only seeing a snippet of someone else's child, so it might not be how it seems. He may well get home and realise he was too harsh, and let her watch some telly.