Am I overreacting? Or do I have to accept that most people I get close to will walk out on me

[Acrazybimbo]

Exactly that. I feel when I get close to someone and start to consider them a good friend, we’ve confided in each other about personal stuff that’s happened in our lives, we are so so similar, I think very highly of them then they start pulling away (either real or imagined). It’s like I can’t be close to someone who I feel gets me so so much because most of the time they pull away. Each time it happens I’m always the one hurting, always the one left picking up the pieces knowing I’ll have to watch others have that super close bond. Maybe I’m too much and I need to change. It’s not like I constantly message and annoy people. Maybe she’s sensed that I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m overreacting and she’s going through things and it’s not me. It’s just everytime this happens it can’t not be me. Now I have to find someone similar to not feel hurt and to cope

She wanted to come round to see me. How am i using her?

To be completely honest you sound a bit difficult and slightly overbearing if you are calling her sister names, and getting upset because she messaged you on a different social media platform and only liked a reel.

firstly you won’t get anywhere with friendships if you get upset that family members come first sometimes. It’s a normal occurrence regardless of if she rants to you about her family. She doesn’t owe you anything. Things might crop up that means she can’t proceed with plans. Friends should be understanding of that. It’s fine to be disappointed but ultimately family relationships can be complex and it’s not really on for you to pass judgment. Sometimes the beauty of friendship is just having someone you can trust to talk about these things even if you still end up giving your sister a lift! I think you’re putting too much pressure and expectations on this friendship. It shouldn’t be a case of her needing to choose you over her family.

secondly I think you need to read the room a bit. Your friend seems to be distancing herself from you. That’s a cue for you to rethink how you communicate with her. Maybe she finds the frequency or depth of contact overwhelming. It’s not nice to feel upset, but if she’s going through her own issues, she may not have had the mental capacity to also take on your issues too. She seems to be happy to engage with light touch things. That’s okay.

You are coming across as very intense and very demanding of people's time.

Also, are you the poster who was upset because your online friend, who you have never met in real life and who lives on the other side of the world, isn't coming over here for your birthday? I think your expectations are WAY too high and it's entirely possible that this woman, on the other side of the world, is taking a step back.

Ahhhhhhh. Of course, it all drops into place.

OP, you're being an emotional vampire, to fill an empty hole within yourself by draining the attention and focus from others. It's not healthy and it's not sustainable.

You constructed an elaborate fantasy around your online friend - her flying over for your birthday, dancing together while getting ready to a very specific song your cousins dance to, the birthday being a waste if this friend - who had never even hinted she was coming to your country - didn't join you. That you were twin souls and each other's true halves and so on.

None of this is real.

Your IRL friend's sister isn't a fat selfish bitch because she's seeing your friend when you wanted to. She's just a person.

You really need to pull back from these hyper-intense reactions of soulmates and villains. You also need to stop filling gaps in your own emotional life with overinvestment in others.

You haven't long given birth. Maybe a chat to your health visitor about your emotional turbulence might be a good idea. Your partner and your babies should be more important to you than some online lass commenting on your Instagram.

If that's true re recently having given birth, I hope there's some counselling in place as this isn't right. And maybe social service input.

Are you the poster who was upset that your online friend might not be able to visit you for your birthday?

Yep. And then had another post fantasising about moving to that friend's country.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5098382-why-do-i-feel-so-empty?reply=136075338

It sounds like you need some therapy, in all honesty.

OP, where did you meet this woman? It does not sound like a regular or healthy relationship and also sounds very one sided.

The OP posted she'd "recently had a baby" at the end of May, when she was worrying about wanting to lose a stone.

@Acrazybimbo or @NewbieToThis, go talk to your health visitor or GP. This is just not healthy or rational.

I recognise your name from other recent posts.

You come across in all of them as being very, very emotionally intense. Your friendships seem to be all about huge feelings and emotional connections and high drama and sharing your deepest thoughts about everything all the time.

You have invested way too much in your ‘friend’ who lives in other country and you talk about needing a ‘twin spirit’ in your life and feeling ‘empty’ because you can’t see her, even though you have a husband.

You basically talk about friendships with other women in the way that other people would talk about a passionate romance.

You talk about needing a ‘twin spirit’ in your life to stop you from feeling empty and lost. Where’s your husband in all this? You barely mention him in your posts. Why isn’t he your ‘twin spirit’? Why are you in such desperate need of finding a ‘twin spirit’ friend to fulfil all your emotional needs? In one of your other posts you even talked about trying to find a ‘friend’ on Tinder. Again, that’s the thought process of someone who has been dumped and is looking for a rebound relationship, not someone whose friend has fallen out with them or isn’t available as much.

I think perhaps you might be gay and in huge denial, and that what you actually want is not a ‘friendship’ alongside your marriage but actually a wife with whom you would you would have the romantic connection that you don’t seem to have with your husband.

Even if that isn’t the case… I’ll be brutally honest. I would not want a friendship with someone who was so intensely invested in me and who relied on me so strongly for their own happiness and fulfilment. I think most people would find that a bit unhealthy and suffocating, and it would scare the shit out of them.

You sound deranged.