To think men don’t do house chores ‘well’ because

[Buryyiirwhat]

its bloody boring, not because they aren’t as ‘capable’ as women??

Out with a load of female friends, ‘mum’ friends and the conversation turned to how useless one partner in particular is with the kids, around house, organising stuff. He always ‘forgets’ things like what time school finishes for kids pick up, has to be reminded etc

A couple of other chipped in with how their DH doesn’t pull his weight. And now their sons are following the same path… a ‘male’ thing apparently…

I call bullshit! If there was a way I could get out of laundry, school admin, housework etc I would probably too… because it can be flipping tedious!

disclaimer - I married a woman so house stuff, car stuff etc with us is 50-50. There’s no gender spilt in certain tasks. And our 14 year old son keeps his room tidy, helps with housework and can do laundry because we make him!

YANBU - of course men are capable of being organised with domestic stuff. ‘Blue’ jobs and ‘pink’ jobs don’t exist.

YABU - no, they’re wired differently and shouldn’t be expected to remember when kids have homework due in or that beds don’t change themselves…

Me and my DH are 50/50 and no set jobs, we both just muck in and make sure everything is done. I can't understand women who put up with men making excuses for how they can't do shit.

My partner is the stay at home parent, he does the school runs, bedtimes, baths, cooks their meals, he has dinner ready when I get home from work, he does the laundry, housework and will do any little jobs around the house that need doing, I'm actually about to ask him to take one of the baby gates down. On my days off, we split those jobs between us or do them together.

A relationship doesn't work if one person doesn't pull their weight.

Bloke here. I agree. We really don't care.

Sweeping generalisation, I know, but that doesn't mean it's not basically true.

It depends on the man

i don’t make beds or clean toilets or load the dishwasher, we do whatever weekend cleaning needs doing together

he is a ‘doer’ though

(he does other stuff as well…)

Oopsie

yanbu

My DH have an even split although he does more food shopping and cooking and I do more laundry but he definitely pulls his weight.

I find that kind of thing very irritating. DH does all the food shopping and cooking and most of the laundry here. Our cleaner cleans. We both parent.

My husband does 90% of the cleaning here and does it very well . I do laundry ( ironing goes to the ironing service) and cooking everything else is him .

Ask them to explain how us gay men have clean, tidy homes, laundered clothes, packed up for our children etc.

I'm a single father. My home is reasonably clean and tidy but it's not show-home perfect. I don't care - it's clean and tidy enough. I don't feel like my life would be measurably improved if I plumped the pillows on the sofa twice a day so I don't.

I do sometimes wonder about the implicit assumption that in a couple the person who is more obsessed with things being clean/tidy is the "right" one and any deviation from that is therefore automatically "wrong". I also sometimes get the feeling that the need that some people have for show-home perfection is less to do with what they want for themselves and more a fear of being judged by others. Fuck 'em.

I'd say we spilt everything roughly 50/50 but we both have jobs we prefer to do, but we make sure the kids see both of us doing different types of jobs (clears vs cooking vs home improvements etc).

We parent equally and have reduced work hours so we both have childcare days. On my working days he is fully in charge of the children.

He is just as capable as me. Some men just don't care and don't respect their parent enough to share the load equally. I'm glad we are modelling a good homelife for our kids.

God, our house is far from perfect but at least no adult ( or child) is pretending they don’t know how to put a fitted sheet on or what time the kids finish the school they’ve been at for 5!years!

We do know a couple where it’s 50/50 but he could give a shit and I really admire that the woman is prepared to just let it all go to pot when he doesn’t pull his weight. And it’s up to him to sort it!
She won’t step in or help - he just has to leave work to take the kids somewhere because he didn’t arrange an alternative, or go buy the last min b’day present or pay double because he didn’t book the early bird irwhatever it is.
won’t enable his slackness in any way…

IMO it's because they either feel entitled- it's not their job, or they're just fucking feckless. And both types know full well some other muggins will still do it when they don't.

Go on strike.

And this has just dawned on you? Welcome to the patriarchy!

Please can I ask, why do you not care about being accurate with pick up times?

I think that men who were raised in homes with firm adherence to gender roles weren't told that they had to learn how to mop/do laundry/hoover "because you'll have to do it when you marry and have kids".

And when they saw their mum fly around the house in a panic because guests were due "and what will they think", while their dad put his feet up and told her to calm down, well, thet identified with their dad, didn't they?

So they "don't care" because they didn't have it modelled that when guests come around, they will make a judgement about them if the house is a mess.

Of course, they should care, because it's bad enough when your mum gets unexpectedly admitted to hospital without also having to turn your knickers inside out because your dad "didn't care" to learn how the fucking washing machine worked!🙃

Me and my DH are equally bad at housework. It's one way of getting some equality at least.

My DH does tons more than me while I'm more of the can't be bothered/too boring stance, so it's not about m/f necessarily. My parents were the same so some of it is what you're used to/raised with and I guess most guys will have seen mums doing more than dads around the house.

That said I do think a lot of that generation have really bought into the belief that men have different brains. My MIL refused to believe me when I pointed out that there was no scientific evidence to back up the idea that mens brains are wired differently so they can't cope with housework or life admin but somehow can cope with work.

I think a lot of men just don't care. They can't be bothered to learn and can't be bothered to do it. Also a lot of men like to believe women are silly, and that a lot of the tasks they do are unecessary.

There's nothing technically difficult about most household chores. It's not hard to learn how to mop, or dust or do the washing. It's just laziness

Women get consequences for not doing this stuff. When houses look messy people blame the woman either for not doing it or not managing the man to do it. By 30 a woman has already had decades of subtle messages saying it's their fault if things are messy, unwashed etc.

I couldn't disagree more, I think part is of your not brought up to dive in with jobs you never learn and the other some men can't be bothered.luckily I was brought up in a big family where all including our dad did jobs in or around the house and guess what it made for a very happy upbringing it not all just being expected of our mum. Now our teen helps with anything from washing,hoovering,cutting grass etc and believe it or not our 3 toddlers can make there own bed,put there plates and cups in dishwasher, empty bins etc..everyone knows once the house jobs are done the quicker we get out to doing something fun and actually because we've made jobs fun they love joining in. My hubby works then dives in with whatever when he gets in. Love it and makes for good bonding time doing all this together

Weaponised incompetence. It suits the men like this very well to leave all the drudgery and mental load to women.

I think its tremendously patronising to assume that a man isn't capable of doing a perfectly decent job of household tasks. I would have a problem with it if someone assumed I couldn't do something just because I'm a woman.

DH is a competent adult and a lazy arse in the same way I am so has to get on with it.