To think there’s nothing wrong with toddlers on leads?

[shhquietplease]

I’m not a parent so maybe I just don’t get it’s

But isn’t it the best of both worlds? Your child gets freedom walk and you can make sure they are safe.

Maybe not needed if you only have one child and they can have your full attention.

I don’t get the “I’m not treating my child like an animal” comments either.

They weren't for me, to continue the vernacular we taught our 3 to heel. It's certainly not easy at first and it took some discipline but it worked well for us. Now youngest is 4 and they need very little input out and about to walk sensibly/wait at crossing & stop if they are chatting away distracted and getting ahead. I think if we had gone the reins route they wouldn't have gotten into a position where they can cycle on the roads etc which feels well worth the effort now as we really opens things up!

It's not always so simple. I had a nightmare with my DS where he wouldn't hold hands, wouldn't hold the pram and I couldn't keep him in the pushchair either as he would just unstrap himself! My only hope was the backpack with lead but I had to trick him that I wasn't actually holding it!! 😂

I have reins that go on our wrists for DD. Don’t care what anyone thinks. She’s non verbal and has Autism, she’d randomly run off in any direction if she could

I used to have reins for DC1. DC1 had a tendency to run away and the only prevention method I could think of when breastfeeding DC2 when out and about was to tie DC1's reins to my chair.

Hardly see toddlers wearing them now. How many times have I toddlers walking/running into things then scream as hurt themselves? Thinking to myself if parent(s) made their child wearing harness and reigns, this would not have happened.

Harnesses and reigns were commonplace when I was a toddler (early 80s) why are they not seen as much now

I'm always surprised about the judgement around the use of reins. I can actually remember how easily distracted I was as a toddler, even though it's a very long time ago. I was taught about the dangers of traffic, how to cross the road safely, stranger danger etc, I understood it all but if I'd seen a friend or something else exciting on the other side of a road I'd have forgotten it all and run. My mum had 3 under 5, reins were very necessary. Thank goodness for common sense.

It's all well and good thinking your parenting is superior until your child gets hurt because your attention was diverted for a just second because that's all it takes.

ds had the little backpack and he loved it. It was the bumble bee one he could put his drink in

I didn’t think ds was a bolter then one day in sainsburys he decided it was great fun and it took a few minutes to catch him (with staff help)

from then on he had reins or lead whatever people prefer to call them (I don’t particularly care)

It's what happens whilst teaching them that though. It's a mile to school, two bloody big main roads. Articulated lorries, ambulances on blue light and the odd fire engine down one, all that plus buses down the other. If one of my twins had bolted, do I leave the other and run after the first or pick up the other and run after the first?

Now at 4.5 they hold my hands when needed, know where to wait etc and walk fine. We ditched the reins.

Some kids are more sedate and predictable than others. One of ours is an incredibly biddable, quite timid child that sticks to you like glue. Even now at 9 he will hold onto his younger siblings pushchair of his own accord. His sister is like a whirlwind. I have to have her on reins or better still in the pushchair. Tried the wrist strap ones but found myself standing at a checkout with no child on the end of it because she’d ripped it off and bolted.

I’ve noticed in the Bridgerton books they refer to ‘leading strings’ quite a lot so I’m presuming that they were originally called that before we moved on to reins

Everyone's got different parenting strategies though and i imagine absolute twins would change the parameters!!! Mine were spaced 2 years apart so there's was only ever 1 that needed training. For me I felt reigns would slow their development in teaching them how to walk safely in busy environments close to roads since I wouldn't be training them as efficiently, the reliance would be on the safety of the reins as opposed to being made to keep a very close eye and responding quickly to their cues.

From about 2.5yrs old mine were absolute fine in terms of staying close and obeying instructions if given/instinctively stopping at junctions not wondering. But that was our family and it worked really well for us/our kids have always been quick to listen and I was glad didn't need to resort to reins wh and pick things up how much is genetics/nurture wh

I had that with my DS when he'd open his buggy straps and run! I remember a checkout person being so condescending telling me I should have strapped him into his buggy (assuming I hadn't!) If it was that simple I would have done it!!

Yes, they are so cute. Mine had the ladybird one! 🐞

Using reins gives a child a lot more freedom than holding hands, they can fully explore, bend down change direction all with safety

Just wondering how you dealt with situation where you can't keep a close eye as you are paying for your shopping etc.

Essentially if they started to wonder off/go further then I was happy for in the situation it was a teaching opportunity. At that 18month-2yrs they wouldn't get far/they wouldn't want to go far, when paying for shopping etc I'd consider this low risk i.e. if they get a few metres away before I noticed there's not really any significant risk/consequence for them. I would either get their attention verbally, or if they weren't listening go and get them - talk to them about it/tell them off as appropriate.

When the consequence of something going wrong was high/next to a road for example when they were learning I'd be keeping them engaged in conversation for example, easier to tell if they were distracted and can point out naturally. If they were walking on the lead I don't think there would have been the push to get this done and I was keen for them to learn and develop. If they were having a tantrum/behaviour was off then yes more hand holding as required especially if crossing a main road and they need to be step correct. I found this worked well as the process of doing this reinforced the need to pay attention in that situation for both me and them.

If they were tied up it wouldn't have occurred and learning would be delayed.

But as I say this was something that worked well for us and our children. It's not going to work for every family and aware some children just process things differently and different strategy needed.

I know you weren’t asking me but I just can’t think of a situation where I might not have been able to keep a close eye. If I was paying for shopping I’d either ask them to hug my leg or more often lift them up and get them to do the card machine. If I was stopping to chat to someone I’d lift them up and involve them in the conversation. 3 kids with very different personalities. But no twins, no walking along A roads, etc.
I would let them go ahead on the pavement on balance bikes from around age 2 and they always knew to stop well ahead of the road. I absolutely disagree with the poster upthread about kids having no road safety awareness until age 7, that is not the case in my life or work experience at all!

"no road safety awareness until age 7, "

I missed that one. That's insane!!! My 4 yr old has excellent road sense, I mean I'm obviously not allowing her to head off to the shops on her own but she really doesn't need any safety interventions anymore, she looks for crossings, stops to look when crossing the road, waits for a cue that I'm happy for her to cross.... This would be my concern with reins it takes away the need to develop this knowledge and increases the risk of failing to develop our children, not impossible by any means but children have to be taught these things at some point. I think for most children the earlier this is done the better!

Age 7 is about the time they can more accurately judge distance and speed of traffic. That is what I meant by awareness. Assessing whether it is safe to cross a road, whether a vehicle is slowing down or maintaining speed. Able to notice a bike and a car approaching from one direction and something else from the other side. Then apply that to making a decision. Everything I have read suggests that this ability does not develop before the age of 7.

https://www.boltburdonkemp.co.uk/our-insights/posts/children-judge-speeds-20mph/#:~:text=It%20is%20not%20until%20children,to%20cross%20a%20road%20safely.

But you teach them at a very young age to cross with an adult. To only cross at crossings. To wait for the cars to stop even if the green man is showing. Etc. In the same way you teach them at a very young age not to touch a hot stove, or stick things in the toaster…
(Not being able to judge the speed of oncoming traffic is very different from not knowing how to safely cross a road.)

And? You can also keep them safe by using reins 🤷

You haven't articulated why reins are an issue, other than you feel there are alternative ways of keeping children safe.

I like how people are getting shirty about the name....'leads are for dogs, its reins!'.
Anybody else wondering why its more acceptable to call them after a bit of horse kit rather then dog kit?
Is it because toddlers are more likely to bolt or shy away from unfamiliar objects maybe??

(asking as a non horse or toddler owner!).😆

I used reins for my twins, much to my SIL’s disgust. Apparently DDs are “not dogs to be lead”. Five minutes after this comment on a family day out a lemur got out of the enclosure and staff were trying to keep it away from the visitors. I was able to keep my DDs beside me while SIL shouted at her toddler DC and slapped him for running towards the animal.

After that incident I was in a busy place on Christmas Eve dealing with DD2 having a tantrum when I felt tension on DD1’s reins. I turned round and saw a woman trying to lead DD1 away.

I think they give a perception of safety, as do buggies. I work in ambulance service and all the young children I've attended struck by cars were actually in buggies which I think most would say is safest method compared with reins/nothing. They get pushed out into the road on a crossing - parent has just seen the green man and pushed the buggy out not checking the road is actually safe so when a driver hasn't seen the lights change the parent just pushes their child straight into the path of the car. Drivers technically at fault yes, but these systems reins/buggies etc give a perception of complete safety which doesn't exist.