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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to let me sleep?

40 replies

DIYDebz · 19/06/2024 07:28

We have 2 DC - one at primary and one at nursery.

DH takes the younger one to nursery as it's right by his work. I take the older to primary school (not the easist job due to SEN).

Most mornings, we all are ready by 8am or so and the whole family is up getting ready together (I do most of it!)

But on Wednesdays, DH needs to leave at 7.15am as he has to be at a early morning meeting. This means him and younger DC getting up at 6.30am. I am usually asleep at this time, me and older DC don't need to leave the house until much later and we are both sleeping.

DH has started waking me up on Wednesdays at 6.30am to 'sort out younger DC'. He says it's not that early, but I don't need to be up at that time - surely DH can get younger DC ready without me? We have discussed it - and he agrees -but there always seems to be a reason - DH is running late, today he said he had a cold, he can't wake up DC without DC getting upset, DC wants to see me before we leave anyway etc

DH is taking the piss calling me lazy, but if I have to leave the house early - with or without a DC in tow - I get up quietly and ensure that anyone that is asleep can stay asleep if their morning routines allows.

Or AIBU and actually getting up at 6.30am is no big deal? I mean it's not a big deal - people get up much earlier - but I don't NEED to be up - I'm being woken up to wake up a child and get him ready when H is already up!!

AIBU to find this really annoying?

OP posts:
AquaFurball · 19/06/2024 07:36

YANBU but if H is going to keep waking you on a Wednesday early then maybe you need to change your daily routine to get everyone up at 6:30am. Give him no excuse on the other 4 school days for not doing his fair share in the morning with both children and a more relaxed time for child with extra needs.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 19/06/2024 07:40

DC wants to see me before we leave anyway

But is this actually an excuse or the truth? Don’t you want to see DC before she or he goes to nursery for the day?

I mean, obviously it’s a big deal to you to get up at that time so it matters to you, and it’s not on for him to call you names, so tell him this and stand your ground.

ABirdsEyeView · 19/06/2024 07:43

Next time you need to leave early, wake him up to help you! Keep doing it.

Starfish1021 · 19/06/2024 07:43

Oh my if the shoe was on the other foot I doubt he would get up. Stand your ground.

InTheRainOnATrain · 19/06/2024 07:45

If younger child needs waking up, so DH can get himself ready first then get up DC then he’s being a ridiculous lazy sod. I’d see his point if DC was waking as soon as they hear him get out of bed because you probably don’t want to leave a toddler/preschooler unsupervised eating breakfast or whatever whilst you’re in the shower and the other parent is asleep. But as DH is asking you to wake him then that would be a hard nope from me. The cheek of it to call you lazy when he apparently can’t manage 1 child on his own. I’d be furious!

NotAgainWilson · 19/06/2024 07:47

Is this about waking up half an hour earlier than the other days?

Personally, I would just get out of bed to wave DC good bye as I’m sure the whole household be awake if he is cajoling a child to be on time. Not an easy task to do in silence!

But agree he can sort the kid himself but silently to let you sleep… I doubt it!

Sirzy · 19/06/2024 07:49

Would you getting up a bit earlier mean your child and him didn’t need to get up as soon though? If that one day a week he could focus on getting himself ready while you did the youngest?

Airdustmoon · 19/06/2024 07:52

This is totally alien to me as (1) my DS always got up at the crack of dawn anyway and (2) I couldn’t sleep if someone else was up and getting ready around me - I’m a very light sleeper so I’d be awake anyway. 6.30 is not an early wake up time for a week day - and like others I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to see your younger DC before nursery anyway?

Mumoftwo1316 · 19/06/2024 07:53

He is being so unreasonable. In our house, sleep is the most precious commodity and no one gets woken up if it can be prevented, especially not the kids!

Getting one child ready each sounds totally fair.

As for him wanting to see you in the morning, that's just plain silly.

BuggeryBumFlaps · 19/06/2024 07:54

You aren't being lazy or unreasonable.
Sounds like he resents your lie in, and finding reasons to disrupt it. If talking to him about it results in him calling you names (lazy), I'd be disrupting every lie in he gets. If he reacts badly explain that you are offering him the same courtesy, as he does to you on a Wednesday.

Original poster
DIYDebz · 19/06/2024 07:55

I think the issue is that the other 4 mornings - we all wake up between 7 and 7.30 and I sort both DC and myself for work, he sorts himself. We hvae talked about it and he says he will do more to help with DC, but he never does.

He is totally able to get himself and DC ready without me surely? He gets up at 6.30am and gets himself ready and then wakes younger DC up 20 mins later and gets him ready and then they leave? Surely he is able to get himself and DC ready by himself? I do it all the other mornings!

It's not 6.30am wake up time - it's fine - it's the fact that I need to be woken up to get a child ready when he could do it!

OP posts:
Original poster
DIYDebz · 19/06/2024 07:57

@Airdustmoon yes, so both mine will sleep until 7/7.30am.

I know shocking but I can actually cope with not seeing my younger DC one morning a week. I mean I'm usually up at 7.15am anyway, but why am I being woken at 6.30am to brush teeth, get clothes on and make breakfasts? When H is up already and more than capable of doing those things without me?

OP posts:
Pikapikapikachu11 · 19/06/2024 07:58

Moving forwards, everyone gets up at 6.30am and he sorts 1 child, you the other. Less stress onvyiu and problem sorted! He is being unreasonable and you let him pile all tfis pressure on you. Stand your ground and stop letting him.

NoSquirrels · 19/06/2024 08:03

Stop getting DC ready on the other mornings too…

Shoxfordian · 19/06/2024 09:15

Don't get the child ready. Stay in bed so he gets the message

spriots · 19/06/2024 09:20

I think you know the real issue is that he can't be arsed to get the younger one ready.

I would suggest you just stop getting the younger one ready full stop. Not just that day a week.

Obviously don't ignore your child but don't get them dressed, don't do teeth etc, just leave it

Nottherealslimshady · 19/06/2024 09:28

The problem is you doing everything on the other days. He's decided that in the morning he gets himself ready and you get everyone else ready. It's such a common mentality in families. Think holidays, days out, meals, dad is responsible for himself (at best) , mum is responsible for everyone else. Tel lhim that from now on, getting youngest ready is his job every day. You won't be helping. If she's not dressed for nursery when it's time to leave then he'll be late.

Original poster
DIYDebz · 19/06/2024 10:03

We did agree I would do older DC and he sorts younger DC every morning as suggested. But it never happens. He disappears to the toilet and shower and then starts getting super stressed "I'm gonna be late for work, just get DS dressed, help me out". I just thought the one morning he leaves earlier he might sort it rather than literally shaking me awake asking me to wake DC when he is already awake! He think he's dad of the Year but he's so dependent on me doing everything and gets so mad and calls me petty when I try to redress the balance. I am actually do all of it without him to be honest. It would be easier without him running round stressing.

OP posts:
TealSapphire · 19/06/2024 10:22

Oh fuck no, he needs to step up.

I knew there'd be posters saying they'd WANT to see their child every morning. I doubt your DH would if the shoe were on the other foot.

Endoftheroad12345 · 19/06/2024 10:26

weaponised incompetence @DIYDebz

I was (note past tense) married to one and I cringe at the enabling I used to do.

When DC were 1 and 4 I had a job I couldn’t leave before 6pm on a Friday. He picked them up from crèche at 5pm and made such a palaver about how hard it was for him, I had to log into the Domino’s website from my desk to order pizza for the kids dinner as it was “too hard” for him to do it while
managing the kids. WTAF

DoYouSmokePaul · 19/06/2024 10:27

”rather than literally shaking me awake”

How horrible. The more you post the worse he sounds.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/06/2024 10:28

He sounds horrible, YANBU and how dare he call you lazy when you get yourself and two children ready and he only does himself, he's the lazy one.

Prelapsarianhag · 19/06/2024 10:29

Just refuse to wake up or get up. He will have one horrible morning and then he will learn. He is not in charge of you and if he dares to call you names let him know he has crossed a line and his family life is at risk.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 19/06/2024 10:29

The real problem is that he’s jealous of you staying in bed and he doesn’t want to get younger child ready because he sees it as your job.

Ellie1015 · 19/06/2024 10:45

So because you help him the other 4 days he wakes you on the Wed??? That is not fair.

I would make sure he has everything possible organised on Tues evening then tell him dc can come say goodbye to you before they leave if needed but you are not getting up to help.