To expect him to let me sleep?

[DIYDebz]

We have 2 DC - one at primary and one at nursery.

DH takes the younger one to nursery as it's right by his work. I take the older to primary school (not the easist job due to SEN).

Most mornings, we all are ready by 8am or so and the whole family is up getting ready together (I do most of it!)

But on Wednesdays, DH needs to leave at 7.15am as he has to be at a early morning meeting. This means him and younger DC getting up at 6.30am. I am usually asleep at this time, me and older DC don't need to leave the house until much later and we are both sleeping.

DH has started waking me up on Wednesdays at 6.30am to 'sort out younger DC'. He says it's not that early, but I don't need to be up at that time - surely DH can get younger DC ready without me? We have discussed it - and he agrees -but there always seems to be a reason - DH is running late, today he said he had a cold, he can't wake up DC without DC getting upset, DC wants to see me before we leave anyway etc

DH is taking the piss calling me lazy, but if I have to leave the house early - with or without a DC in tow - I get up quietly and ensure that anyone that is asleep can stay asleep if their morning routines allows.

Or AIBU and actually getting up at 6.30am is no big deal? I mean it's not a big deal - people get up much earlier - but I don't NEED to be up - I'm being woken up to wake up a child and get him ready when H is already up!!

AIBU to find this really annoying?

Yeah...I felt defensive initially about that, but yeah I do everything other morning, pick ups, am the person school calls when they're sick, go to assemblies, sport days by myself, do all parties, play dates, night wakes, and about to try and juggle work and 2 little ones for 6 week summer holiday...I'm not gonna feel guilty for saying I would rather have a lie in to 7am one morning a week rather than get my 3 year old ready/"wave him off" when there is a fully grown adult already awake at the same time!

I don't expect him to creep around or keep DC quiet. I am usually awake by 7 anyway but just resent someone coming into the room, turning on all the lights and saying "can you wake up and sort DS please. I can't do it because XX (insert various excuse"...today it was because he was feeling like he was "coming down with something"

JFC. What a jerk he is.

I’m with you. I’d tell him if he cant get ds ready one morning you will stop carrying him the other mornings. Full stop: there will be no can you just. No I’m too stressed: no disappearing for a shower. ‘Can you just-‘no, we discussed this. You don’t get him ready any mornings, and you refuse to let me sleep one morning. No I can’t just. If you’re late that’s on you.’

Sounds even more like everyone up at 6:30 every day stops all his excuses. No excuse for running late so he can get youngest child and himself ready every single day while you sort yourself and oldest child only.

It's not the Wednesday that's the problem it's enabling a man child every day. Ask him how he would cope if you left and custody was 50/50 and he'd have to sort both children every day, two weeks in four?

I think YABU. Why does your poor youngest child need to get up so early as well. Just do both of them those days and take both to their schools. The other days you are all equal leave him to it. But the day he is going to work early you should do both.

Darling Daddy needs to allow more time then, if he thinks he is going to be late for work - Darling Daddy needs to get up at 6am in that case and not 6.30am

Sleep is precious. I’d be plotting revenge.

Either a patio or a plan to allow everything to go to shit at home in the mornings for a week.

I’d plan my work schedule accordingly so I can be late for a week. I’d find other things to do in the morning so that DH (DickHead) has to do what he agreed to do. Even if it meant creating a few dramas.

(Or maybe you could need to be early to work for a week and leave everything to him instead).

Nobody messes with my sleep and gets away with it!

This would piss me off, he sounds like he thinks you should do everything.
Do you work?

How about you help him with younger child on that day (so younger child doesn't have to get up much earlier) but then put your foot down about him getting younger child ready on the other 4. Just do not help. You don't need to if he takes him - it won't impact you leaving if him and younger child aren't ready.

He should get your younger child ready and when they're about to leave, younger child gives you a kiss in bed to say have a nice day.

This is what we do if one has to leave much earlier than the other

Why don’t you try again to each get a child ready on a day when you all leave at 8, except this time it is you who will lock yourself in the loo, take a long shower etc. So basically he won’t be able to ask for your help when he is late as you will already be in a rush yourself.
And leave without him if he is not ready.
Maybe being late for work once is what he needs to change his habits.

Why is the summer holiday juggle, sports days etc all on you? They’re his children too presumably so why is he off the hook?

He leaves at 7:15. Why on earth does your three year old need to be up at 6:30 - takes two minutes to get dressed, three to wash face and brush teeth and if they can’t just have breakfast at nursery then maybe ten minutes to eat a piece of toast. Even allowing a few minutes of faffing and toileting and shoes on it seems nuts to start panicking and waking you forty five minutes early.

I bet he doesn’t pull this kind of “I can’t meet any deadlines, help me, help me” crap on his co-workers.

(I get two kids, one with autism who simply cannot be hurried and won’t tolerate stressy adults, from fast asleep to out the door washed, dressed, fed and with correct school kit in under half an hour and have done since oldest started preschool. The key is preparing the night before, routines and not being a pathetic wet blanket. “Coming down with something” my foot.)

It sounds like school and nursery are in opposite directions though, plus the older child has SEN and OP says getting them to school 'isn't the easiest task'. Disrupting the going to school routine once a week might things considerably more difficult with the eldest.

ignore his flapping. and just repeat you need to get DS ready i am busy.

He's taking the piss and if it means he's late then he's late!
Ignore his insults, equal childcare responsibilities isn't petty or punishment. he needs to grow up.

Do not get up! If you weren't there he'd have to cope. It's a battle worth winning!