Not asked to be a bridesmaid but expected to plan the hen?

[Ginspirational]

SIL hasn’t asked me to be a bridesmaid. That’s fine. She was one of mine, but I accept she has more friends and so I didn’t make the cut, I am not upset by that.

HOWEVER. I have been asked (indirectly, by MIL but apparently at request of the bride to be) to plan the hen do.. I admit I love organising events and did her baby shower, which was really lovely but AIBU to say no to this?! I thought it was down to MoH to plan these things but apparently everyone thought I would do a much better job.. but I haven’t made it into the bridal party.

Please all of mn and say no!

Be carefully about the toe treading comment, they might just say, ‘oh don’t worry-they don’t mind!’

Just firmly say ‘no, that’s a job for the bridal party.’ Hopefully they’ll realise what a shitty thing they’ve done.

If you’re going to be a people pleaser, why don’t you make that person yourself? Why would you do loads of hard work for someone that can’t even be arsed to include you? That’s the price they pay for not choosing you-they can do it all themselves.

Even if I was the MOH I wouldnt want to organise a hen do! 😬
You don't even know though whether the MIL just said it have you involved and her daughter knows nothing about this request. I agree with others, IF your SIL mentions it, just say its her MOH/Bridesmaids role and you can't. Move the conversation onto something else.

She sounds super greedy. How many events does one person need?

HOWEVER. I have been asked (indirectly, by MIL but apparently at request of the bride to be) to plan the hen do..

What did she actually say to you, and what did you reply, @Ginspirational ?

@Shinyandnew1 she said ‘you did such a great job of the baby shower, ‘bride’ wondered if you’d be happy to plan the hen do? You know we are all rubbish at that sort of thing!’

I haven’t replied yet, but will say nope, bridal party’s job this time!

Yeah keep the response short and sweet. That’s so rude

Hi, so glad it was OK. Sorry, I can't.

Blimey-did the MIL ask you by text!? I’m presuming so as you said you hadn’t replied yet.

That is even more rude! Do they realise how much work goes into something like that? Why would you want to do all that for someone that not bothered you to include you, someone that couldn’t be arsed to even ask you in person and has got their mum to ask you instead…by text!

Please reply asap and make it clear the answer is no!

I should add that SIL has form for this.. she got her mum to text everyone that had sent her a new baby gift to say thank you, rather than do it herself. I think if I did this I may actually be roped into planning the wedding 😂

I'd laugh and say "ah no, I've done my bit, I'm looking forward to being a guest, Flossie and Mary Joe will do a fab job"

Say nooooo, we will support you! Mumsnet army is cheering you on.

‘ That’s a job for the bridesmaids’ . The end.

"Sorry I've not got the time but I'm looking forward to seeing what the bridal party arrangements are and being a guest."

she likes you enough to do the donkey work but not enough to be in the inner sanctum of her bridal party. yeah, no.

Fucking hell. Just say you can't. Do you want to lumber yourself for months, and deal with all of this?

Great opportunity to say no and mean it. Don't say you don't want to step on toes as they can easily reject that reason. Just say you'd prefer to take a back seat this time and enjoy something someone else has planned for a change.

She delegated her thank-yous? My pearls are well and truly clutched.

Yeah that's a bit cheeky

No one wants to do it more like! Luckily I haven't had to do it, but couldn't think of anything worse.

Well done for saying no! CFs. Report back when you tell them!

She sounds like a bit of a lazy cow to me! She wants you and her mum to do her dirty work for her so she doesn’t have to.

Don't give any reason why you can't do it otherwise you will get side tracked. No is a complete answer.

Would you really want to be MOH? Isn’t it more fun to wear your own clothes, sit with your own partner, and not be totally involved in all of the wedding planning?

maybe it’s a complement that she’s asked for your help planning this- it’s a big event, she thinks you will create a really memorable time. And you enjoy planning events.

maybe her MOH has be a close confidant, a special friend, but really isn’t cut out for hosting a hen do.

I organised most of my hen do, because one of my bridesmaids wasn’t in the country (she came to the wedding from her country) and the other- who I’ve known since she was born- is huge fun, and sister close, but is flaky and clueless: she had one job- which she forgot, and my husband to be had to cycle into central London to fix. But I love her and couldn’t think of anyone I’d want as a bridesmaid more.

other friends contributed to my wedding who weren’t in my bridal party, and I treasure the friends who agreed to be at the reception venue when the man with the bread and crayfish arrived (during the service) and those that came with cakes, the friend who drove me to France on a wine run.

I wasn’t a bridesmaid but did join the group of friends who spent a day carving a hundred pumpkins, I wasn’t a bridesmaid when I was asked if I’d help with the flowers, Or to make a flower crown, or to help make the invites, but each time I was asked to help a friend on their most special day it made me feel appreciated and I was happy to share my skills and time with them.

maybe it’s a complement that she’s asked for your help planning this- it’s a big event, she thinks you will create a really memorable time.

It’s giving someone a massive unpaid job to do.

That’s a chore, not a compliment.