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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Middle class kids don't play out as much as working class children

140 replies

Photoinaframe · 18/06/2024 19:09

We have moved to a lovely, quiet estate in a very middle class area. I was very excited for my kids as they have friends in the estate & there is lots of safe, green areas with a large park at the foot of the estate.. However the children don't play out! Our previous working class area was always buzzing with kids playing out.
Aibu to say middle class kids don't play out as much as working class kids?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 19/06/2024 06:47

YANBU. My parents area is now firmly middle class and although lots of children live near, you hardly see them unless they are coming home from teatime club and piano lessons at dinnertime or getting in the car for swimming or tennis class or rugby or ballet. If they play out it is with a parent and siblings, not with the neighbour children.
I'm sorry but tennis, rugby or ballet? You surely don’t know this for sure, could be football or a martial art or hip hop- you can’t just pick what would be seen as posher pastimes!! (But fair enough and sorry if you do see them with their gear for tennis or with rugby gear or tutus on, it just seems a bit … you know!!)

Beezknees · 19/06/2024 06:50

We're working class and my DS never "played out" the town centre is grim and full of drunks, the park is not much better. I didn't feel safe letting him.

LadyFeatheringt0n · 19/06/2024 06:54

Where i live there's one road of council housing and the kids there play out a lot. Their homes are smaller, tiny flats, less room to play indoors, most have at least one adult not out at work so there are people to supervise. They do very few activities so have more time playing out. My road most of the parents work & the kids are at sports & activities after school, plus the houses are bigger with more space to play.

LadyFeatheringt0n · 19/06/2024 06:57

I'm sorry but tennis, rugby or ballet? You surely don’t know this for sure, could be football or a martial art or hip hop- you can’t just pick what would be seen as posher pastimes!!

Being brutally honest here there's a huge social divide in hobbies here. The less well off kids do football, martial arts & street dance - those classes are much cheaper.

Partridgewell · 19/06/2024 07:04

I think you're right in general, but I do think it depends on the area. We live in a mixed but mostly middle class village in Derbyshire. I have three kids and all three of them have played out on the various little parks in the village from the age of about 7. I do think it's partly because of how many little parks there are here - it makes it easier to find a central space to play in. My friends boys, who are from a similar background but a village a few miles away, love coming here because the play equipment is so much better than in their village.

Roads also make a difference imo. This was a tiny village which has had lots of new development, so it only really has traffic coming or going, not through traffic. It makes it slightly more 1980s in terms of car safety.

WonderingWanda · 19/06/2024 07:10

One of my dd's friends Mum's very judgementally told me "No we don't do hanging out on street corners" when I asked if her 11 yo daughter was allowed to go to the park with my dd after school. There is definitely a judgemental element to why some people don't let their kids play out. It's a bit ridiculous when they are approaching secondary age to not allow them a bit of freedom.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/06/2024 07:38

stayathomer · 19/06/2024 06:47

YANBU. My parents area is now firmly middle class and although lots of children live near, you hardly see them unless they are coming home from teatime club and piano lessons at dinnertime or getting in the car for swimming or tennis class or rugby or ballet. If they play out it is with a parent and siblings, not with the neighbour children.
I'm sorry but tennis, rugby or ballet? You surely don’t know this for sure, could be football or a martial art or hip hop- you can’t just pick what would be seen as posher pastimes!! (But fair enough and sorry if you do see them with their gear for tennis or with rugby gear or tutus on, it just seems a bit … you know!!)

I know the children and I know the families and I know what a tennis racket looks like, and I know what tennis club they belong to, and I know what schools play rugby in South Dublin and the girls show me their ballet. I can say with complete certainty that they are not doing street dance or martial arts, and although they play football for fun, they wouldn't be going to training or anything.

No idea why you would assume you knew the area better than I do.

stayathomer · 19/06/2024 08:14

TheYearOfSmallThings
I didn’t say I did it just seemed cliched but fair enough if that’s what they do (Ps lived in south county Dublin until college so hi!!)

Beezknees · 19/06/2024 08:23

LadyFeatheringt0n · 19/06/2024 06:57

I'm sorry but tennis, rugby or ballet? You surely don’t know this for sure, could be football or a martial art or hip hop- you can’t just pick what would be seen as posher pastimes!!

Being brutally honest here there's a huge social divide in hobbies here. The less well off kids do football, martial arts & street dance - those classes are much cheaper.

Working class doesn't necessarily mean cash strapped though. I'm working class and my DS horse rides which isn't cheap but I can afford to pay for it.

Bcdfghjk · 19/06/2024 08:56

Photoinaframe · 18/06/2024 23:36

No it's not time spent outdoors I mean it's the actual playing out on the green in the estates or local areas with neighbours.

Huh? So there needs to be a 'green' for it to count as playing outside? My kids still played out unsupervised with friends. Why does there need to be a 'green' for it to count? We don't live anywhere near a 'green' as I am sure is the case for a lot of children..not sure it makes a difference

Kendodd · 19/06/2024 09:03

I agree. It's a shame because unstructured play is so important for children, you'd think middle class parents would be all over it.

Psychologymam · 19/06/2024 09:06

WonderingWanda · 19/06/2024 07:10

One of my dd's friends Mum's very judgementally told me "No we don't do hanging out on street corners" when I asked if her 11 yo daughter was allowed to go to the park with my dd after school. There is definitely a judgemental element to why some people don't let their kids play out. It's a bit ridiculous when they are approaching secondary age to not allow them a bit of freedom.

This sounds like my mother! To be fair she would never have said it to someone else so I don’t it was judgemental but rather her firm
belief that hanging around street corners led to kids getting into trouble and to be fair lots of the kids who did it left school early, didn’t go to uni, got pregnant early etc. there’s a bit of judgement coming from you too suggesting that it’s ridiculous too. Just different styles of parenting.

letthegamesbeginagain · 19/06/2024 09:19

I grew up in a naice village in the North East on a very middle class road (in fact it was an 'Avenue') and we were all out all the time.

Free roam if the street, the village, the River bloody Tyne (almost drowned in that more than once).

1980s kids of academics, doctors, architects etc

parentfodder · 19/06/2024 09:19

DelurkingAJ · 18/06/2024 19:13

They never have. I’m always perplexed when people say ‘everyone played out in the 80s’ as I most certainly did not. Yes, I rode my bike up and down but DM sat on the doorstep supervising.

Whereas I was out all day and my mum would holler from the bedroom window when it was time to go home. And I'd get a crack round the head if I was late.

ViciousCurrentBun · 19/06/2024 09:28

We always played out, this was the 1970’s, there was very little traffic though so I do understand why people are worried.

On the expensive road I live in on so it would be classed as MC children did all play out. But there was a big bulge of children born within 5 years of each other from 2001 to 2006. Within 10 houses there were 14 children, it was a lovely time with hopscotch chalked on the pavements and people looking out for the children. Now the road has just two families with small children one lets their 6 and 8 year old out the front and it’s been lovely to see children out again, they do love a chat and are delightful kids, the other does not let them out the front at all. It also means I know their Mum and Dad as the children are friendly little souls, the Mum or Dad are always close by, leaving their front door open. I also grew up in a road that had a bulge of children born there was 21 of us within around six houses. Families were bigger back then.

SilverSimca · 19/06/2024 09:29

DelurkingAJ · 18/06/2024 19:13

They never have. I’m always perplexed when people say ‘everyone played out in the 80s’ as I most certainly did not. Yes, I rode my bike up and down but DM sat on the doorstep supervising.

I absolutely did. Council estate, Essex, born 1975. It was absolutely taken as read that you would play out unsupervised from a very young age. I remember being told to take my sister out in her buggy when me and my other sister were going playing - she is six years younger than me so if she was still in a buggy I must have been eight or nine, other sister six or seven. And would have been well used at that point to going out alone. There were two playgrounds each about five minutes walk away, but we also used to go to "the woods" and "the little stream". Parents would not have known where we were.

This was completely standard, my parents were not neglectful in any way. My mum would point out that we often went out with a friend who was two years older (so ten or 11!) but we didn't always.

Photoinaframe · 19/06/2024 09:55

Bcdfghjk · 19/06/2024 08:56

Huh? So there needs to be a 'green' for it to count as playing outside? My kids still played out unsupervised with friends. Why does there need to be a 'green' for it to count? We don't live anywhere near a 'green' as I am sure is the case for a lot of children..not sure it makes a difference

What I mean is children who play out with the neighbours kids. The majority of middle class kids I know spend loads of time outdoors but not playing outdoor a with the neighbouring kids if you get me?

OP posts:
damebarbaracartlandsbiggestfan · 19/06/2024 09:56

I grew up in a leafy residential area in the Midlands in the 80's, a lot of the parents were doctors, teachers, bank/office managers, business owners etc and a lot of the kids would play out a lot. Where I live now there's a bit of a split, it's definitely rare on my estate to see kids below the age of 11 out and about. I think it's a shame really, but there is a perception that it is more dangerous 'out there' these days, which I don't think is true.

Goldbar · 19/06/2024 09:56

Kendodd · 19/06/2024 09:03

I agree. It's a shame because unstructured play is so important for children, you'd think middle class parents would be all over it.

This. I honestly can't understand why so many well-off, involved parents who invest heavily in their children in many other ways and provide them with so many other opportunities seemingly have a blind spot when it comes to this. It's as if because it doesn't cost anything and isn't scheduled and organised, it's not important and doesn't need to be prioritised.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 19/06/2024 09:56

Kendodd · 19/06/2024 09:03

I agree. It's a shame because unstructured play is so important for children, you'd think middle class parents would be all over it.

Middle class parents arrange structured unstructured play. At "children's woods" or "forest schools" or the fashion for "mud kitchens" at schools and nurseries.

DDs school has "outdoor learning" which consists of unstructured running about with optional nature study type activities.
Only, cos it rains a lot in Glasgow, they quite often have "indoor outdoor learning". (They really call it that!) In DDs words: "the teacher just brings some sticks and rocks into the classroom"

Photoinaframe · 19/06/2024 09:58

Psychologymam · 19/06/2024 09:06

This sounds like my mother! To be fair she would never have said it to someone else so I don’t it was judgemental but rather her firm
belief that hanging around street corners led to kids getting into trouble and to be fair lots of the kids who did it left school early, didn’t go to uni, got pregnant early etc. there’s a bit of judgement coming from you too suggesting that it’s ridiculous too. Just different styles of parenting.

I get this. I remember when my dc were younger in our old estate & my sis in law was visiting. My dc wanted their older cousins to play outside with them & my sis in law replied " Goodness no, I'm not raising street kids"!!

OP posts:
Goldbar · 19/06/2024 09:58

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 19/06/2024 09:56

Middle class parents arrange structured unstructured play. At "children's woods" or "forest schools" or the fashion for "mud kitchens" at schools and nurseries.

DDs school has "outdoor learning" which consists of unstructured running about with optional nature study type activities.
Only, cos it rains a lot in Glasgow, they quite often have "indoor outdoor learning". (They really call it that!) In DDs words: "the teacher just brings some sticks and rocks into the classroom"

😁. Maybe paying £80 a day or £15 for a "stay and pay" session makes it feel more legitimate.

Caspianberg · 19/06/2024 10:04

I don’t let Ds out alone. He’s took young imo, even though other children of similar age have been out for ages alone.
Im constantly seeing them almost run over from cars coming out driveways when I take Ds out on his bike! Terrifies me.

As children we were left to run wild. We basically just caused chaos, played knock down ginger and chicken on the main road. I don’t really want Ds to play like that.

He goes outside on bike/ scooter/ walks but with dh or I, or we arrange to meet with friends for bike ride or at parks. Or on our garden.

Bcdfghjk · 19/06/2024 12:21

Photoinaframe · 19/06/2024 09:55

What I mean is children who play out with the neighbours kids. The majority of middle class kids I know spend loads of time outdoors but not playing outdoor a with the neighbouring kids if you get me?

Yes and I clearly said my kids do play outside with neighbours kids? But you said it was different and I can't see how it is different

Snooglequack · 19/06/2024 12:31

Goldbar · 19/06/2024 09:56

This. I honestly can't understand why so many well-off, involved parents who invest heavily in their children in many other ways and provide them with so many other opportunities seemingly have a blind spot when it comes to this. It's as if because it doesn't cost anything and isn't scheduled and organised, it's not important and doesn't need to be prioritised.

Because unstructured play has to be supervised by someone in contemporary society. We are the generation that grew up in the wake of Madeleine McCann and other high profile abductions. The parents are always blamed. It's been drummed into us not to let children go unsupervised.

So if I work and my DH works, then I can go option a) and let my DC wander about the streets until I'm finished for the day, or I can go b) and let them attend a club where they socialise and pick up a skill at the same time. We choose b)

It would be lovely if my DH could be a SAHD and we could let the DC have lashings of rice pudding and ginger beer as they galivant around the local area with their friends and Timmy the dog, but sadly he (DH, not Timmy) has to work.