Can I be blocked from private school now?

[greenak]

Wondering if I put DS’s dad on the birth certificate, could he stop me sending him to private school? I am resident parent. I realise he can try for 50-50 but I accept that. I just don’t want him to force ds into a state system. I have the funds to pay the fees but me and ex have very different political views and I know he wouldn’t choose it. Can he stop me?

It sounds like the best way forward is to try and discuss it rather than go ahead and hope he can’t stop it (if that’s possible).

I got some very good advice on here about not putting dd's dad on the BC and am very glad he didn't show up (and I didn't chase him afterwards). Dd is at private and I can happily sign the forms knowing he has no PR.

He doesn't pay maintenance so I'd be damned if he was going to tell me what we can and can't do anyway!

A friend had similar. She placed the child into a 0-18 school. He took her to court saying he didnt want the child privately educated, judge said child needed stability so to continue in the school at this point she was 3.

Does the school have a nursery class? Has he got PR yet? Your best bet would be to get the child in ASAP - a judge is much less likely to remove a child that is already there, without a bloody good reason. Dad’s Ideological opposition to them isn’t a good reason because the welfare of the child comes before it.

@greenak are you on good terms with your sons father?

If so would he be open to a discussion about education? Maybe look to compromise. nursery to end of year 5 at state school and a transfer to private for Y6 and secondary?

Y3 or Y5 are good points in the education cycle to transfer to private.

Having him on board with big decisions like this is going to make the whole experience much smoother for you all.

Good luck -hope you find a way to make things work

Yes - I agree with this poster ^^^ Would that be possible @greenak? Or is your relationship with regards to your child's welfare so bad that he would just be difficult for the sake of it?

I am a lawyer. can you pay say 4/5 years upfront? even 2 years upfront? this may help at court.

i would ring schools and ask if you can sign alone. do find one which wont affect dad's visits and current arrangements.

with cost of living and vat q, i see many schools would want to insulate themselves by having both parents be responsible for fees even if only one of them paying.

@AngelicPeace i thought about calling but given it’s a few years away the policy could change couldn’t it. I think ex would be mainly worried he would be on the hook for the cost. I suppose one way round it would be to give him half the money so he knows he can always pay/has security. Due to his own job it wouldn’t be worth it to him to do anything funny with the money and he’s not that awful to do that either. Maybe that’s a way round getting him to sign up?

@Silvers11 @TheCountessofLocksley

i think he does want what is best but wouldn’t want to be on the hook for may money as doesn’t particularly believe in the system. He earns far more than me though and I am just about managing to pay/have saved up around 120k so far. I wonder if I let him have access to the fund then he would be comfortable that he could always hypothetically meet the cost?

rather than giving him money, can you afford to pay the school 12 months in advance or even 6 months with a promise dad will always be given 12 months notice should there be a change but you won't ask him to pay?

not clear why you need to give half {half of what} to him?

This isn’t true at our private school at all. I have a friend who is similar position - estranged from the father/husband and he has no input on forms or even as an emergency contact. In fact I know a couple of women who pay the fees with zero input from the fathers.

Why would you say that it’s across the board? Plus many grandparents pay for the fees at private school and the financial contract is with them.

OP normally there is a kindergarten attached to private schools. Get your dc in as soon as possible to establish friendship groups, support networks and routine.

No judge is gonna pull a child out of a school they are happy settled and thriving in because there dad doesn’t like private schools

You’d give your ex a lump sum of money in the hope he will pay for the fees? Did I read that right? Just pay in advance if you can as you would get it slightly cheaper

but op has now change the reason as dad fearing he might be on the hook for fees. this is a legitimate concern for dad to have.

schools will have legal rights to go after both parents for fees and no court can remove the school's right as a precaution to protect dad before mum signs child up.

i think he does want what is best but wouldn’t want to be on the hook for may money as doesn’t particularly believe in the system. He earns far more than me though and I am just about managing to pay/have saved up around 120k so far. I wonder if I let him have access to the fund then he would be comfortable that he could always hypothetically meet the cost?

@greenak That would be foolhardy in the extreme, to be honest. Giving him half so that he can then pay his share - or just access to the fund is a non-starter. Neither of you could trust the other NOT to take the money for other things. Please don't so that. Should be some legal way of sorting it though. Even if it's just sending him the details of payments made - say for the following 12 months, so that he can see that payments are made and know he isn't going to be chased for the following year anyway? And if you fail to pay, well he can demand said child can be withdrawn immediately?

I’m sorry but this is just utter bullshit.

So you’ve gone from pondering about not having him on the BC to giving him access to over a hundred grand 🥴

Good luck and god bless OP

A friend and his ex had issues over which state school. They had 50:50 shared care. Mum filled in school form. That was the allocated school. Dad had no say.

I'm not sure why it would be different with private/state.

Under no circumstances would I give him any money. Surly you should receive child support from him? If you cover the full costs and pay upfront I don’t see why dad would have an issue or consider being liable for costs If you’ve paid.

It’s not about who pays - it’s about who agrees.

The IBSA produce draft contracts and documents, many schools use them and therefore conditions are similar.

We have many parents who are divorced but both parents agree to the child being enrolled regardless of who will be paying.

In the case of estrangement we’d need proof of that but would be looked at on a case by case basis.

But where there are two parents both with parental responsibility and active involvement with the child we would not enrol a child if they were not both willing to sign the agreement.

Plus many grandparents pay for the fees at private school and the financial contract is with them.

And again, many grandparents pay fees but the contract and liability remain with parents. Same with trusts etc.

This is a standard recommendation across the sector.

Having worked in state schools where parents can't co operate, I think a private school (that has a choice) would be mad to accept a child whose parents couldn't agree on their education, which I'd guess is one of the reasons most require both signatures.

It might be a recommendation ( if you say so) but it isn’t mandatory.

Like you say - it’s a case by case situation.

My friend fled from DV to the other side of the country. She is the only signature of the forms as she couldn’t let him know where she was.

op has been told to first find a school which only requires her signature. she will then take it from there.

others suggested pre-primary that feeds into private schools. all good suggestions.

if these schools are a business, they would prefer to choose a child who can stay for the duration-unless they always have a school place to spare.

my brother pays for his kids a whole year in advance and he gets 10% discount too. but mainly pays to guarantee kids' education is not interrupted. they are finishing A levels in 1 and 2 years. he has done well by keeping his commitment.

@Silvers11 thanks this is actually the best idea. Thank you