Dad play date friend

[Muffincupcakeheeler]

I'll try keep this short, I suffer with really bad anxiety and social situations I'm under a mental health team so I was made up when I met a new friend who lives down the road I'm a stay at home mum and he's a stay at home day we both have 6month old boys so it seemed perfect, we've been for a couple of walks and out for a coffee but he comes across quite flirty, he's married and I'm very happily married but recently he's been sending me texts suggesting that he would want to do more with me that doesn't involve the babies which has made me feel quite uncomfortable it wasn't to bad when I thought he was just joking but I've got a feeling he's not, my partner doesn't seem bothered about the things he's saying and says I've got 2 choices to talk to him about it being inappropriate or to just block him but I was made up to finally have a friend and even more so that my baby has a little friend but I've got a feeling that if I carry on the play dates he's going to make a move or it's going to cause trouble which I don't want.

Aibu to just block him and hope I don't bump into him as I struggle with confrontation and don't know how to approach him regarding his behaviour

I understand you struggle with confrontation, but believe me, blocking this man or ghosting him is NOT going to be good for your anxiety.

If he's sending flirty inappropriate messages, just reply back with something like, "I'm really not comfortable with messages like this, please don't send them." If it was me, I'd probably be more direct and say something like, "argh, inappropriate. Come on Dave. Let's keep it normal here please" but that might be too much for you.

I would absolutely block him he sounds a right creep using his children to get access to women. Your partner should be more supportive 100 per cent block for me he's an absolute creep

I would tell him very clearly that his messages are inappropriate and are making you uncomfortable. You've done nothing to suggest that you want to be more than friends and tell him to stop, don't say please or apologise for what you say.
If he persists block him and move on.

I agree with the PP, your anxiety will kick off if you try to ignore the situation.

Just send back something direct and move the subject on - come on mate, we're both married. Less of that. Are you coming to tumble tots on Thursday?

One thing I'd also add is I'm a bit surprised your partner isn't bothered. Which suggests that you might be over reacting. I think, as a rule, partners (male or female) are more likely to find messages inappropriate.

Rather than overthink it can't you just send him a message that assumes he's joking but makes it clear that your contact will always involve your children. Maybe you could say if you had spare time for social outings you'd spend it with your husband.

I'm surprised your partner isn't bothered too. Can you give an example of what the messages say?

Yes, it's hard to tell without knowing the jist of messages.

Its possible you are misinterpreting his messages or he could indeed be trying it on so you could try the non confrontational way.

Tell him that you are MORTIFIED because a married ex colleague has been sending flirty messages and you dont know how to tell him that you are not interested without pissing him off as you may need him for a reference (or some such bollocks). "I mean, he knows I am happily married, so what the hell is he doing?! Apart from anything else, I could tell his wife couldnt I? He is taking a real risk!"

Hopefully he will realise what you are telling him and it allows faces to be saved all round.

The other day when I went out with him he stopped behind me whilst we were walking and said sorry I just had to look at that arse.

He says things like he finds it hard to be good around me, that his wife wouldn't mind watching the babies whilst he shows me a good time, everytime I turn the conversation back to the kids but even then he turns things I say dirty.

My partner got a bit concerned when the dad friend was abroad on a family holiday and all he spent most of his time doing was messaging me/ sending photos of himself next to the pool and saying he can't wait to see me again which I said the will enjoy seeing each other on the next play date his reply was why is it just the babies that get to play 😈😈

I have just felt so alone these past few months but I think I'd rather have no friends and be lonely then have someone giving me the creeps

This is next level inappropriate. Block him and find new friends. At that age, your baby is too young to have made friends. Join a different playgroup or nursery. By the time your child is old enough for preschool, they will have proper friends and so will you.

He sounds like a pig. Just tell him to fuck off.

Erm Just read your update... I am absolutely baffled that your partner seems fine with these messages. He is talking about looking at your arse and wanting to play with you and putting devil faces?? What the fuck have I just read 😭😭 of course you block the creep and stop seeing him.

A bit flirty you said in your OP, he's a fucking pig and I can't believe your partner is OK with this. You need to tell him to stop and threaten him with the police if it carries on or block him, and under no circumstances meet up with him again

Just read your update and he is being really inappropriate not just quite flirty.

I think you should definitely block him but tell him you are uncomfortable with his behaviour first, otherwise if you see him whilst your out he’s going to ask you.

Eh absolutely this!! I thought when your partner wasnt bothered you may be overreacting. You absolutely are not!! Tell him to fuck off or you'll show his wife the messages and then block him.

Honestly if this was me I would just send a text saying you wont be continuing the relationship . I would say that you have a great marriage, and are not interested, and suggest he concentrates on his wife& family. If he replies flirty again, just don't reply ,and block.

Are most men pervy creeps? I hear this kind of thing so often!

You don't need to block him. It will just make you on edge about bumping into him.
Explain firmly you're not interested, neither of you are single and you won't be entertaining that kind of chat. If he chooses to not want to be friends then that's fine. But make it clear you are only interested in it from a parent friend point of view.

Yes just text him, hey, your texts are getting too flirty - I’m happily married so probably best we don’t meet up for a while.

Revolting sleazy man.

"A bit flirty"??
He's definitely a creep who is literally spelling out to you what he wants. I understand you might have felt too shocked, uncomfortable and embarrassed to say anything at the time but OP please do not let this man near you again. He has 0 respect for you and thinks it's ok to make these comments.

Next time he'll probably go straight for a kiss or a grope without even asking your permission.
Send him a very firm text and never meet him again. In fact, I'd additionally text him an even firmer and very angry message from your DP's phone or ask DP to ring him personally.

Btw, How is DP "not bothered" hearing about this man?

You cannot be friends with somebody who has said the things he has, and men like this need to be told in no uncertain terms. It could give him the impression that something could happen later.

Don't tell him you won't meet up for a while either op, just tell him that it won't be appropriate to continue the relationship. He has been disrespectful to you, and your family, and his. Remember that this is his doing, and not yours.

Oh and remember your babies are young, you don't have to see him on the school run, be stood queuing with him etc. You can avoid eye contact should you walk past him in the area, cross the road, pretend you haven't seen him. People do this all of the time with people they don't want to speak to. He will be easy to avoid.

@WINGINGitToday I'd say if she definitely doesn't fancy him, he accepts that, then they could still be friendly in the course of their kids friendship? It felt like OP did value it to an extent.
It's bad that he tried it on, but if he accepts it as a no, it could be Ok?

I don't agree, the fact that he has crossed the line as much as he has, would surely make any future friendship impossible imo. Men like this don't give up, and it would be only a matter of time for him to try something again. I doubt op would value this man anymore, after the way he has gone on. I also don't think allowing further contact with this man would help her anxiety either. The fact he has been creepy enough to send the messages, make the comments he has says to me, that he will easily get the wrong idea. Sometimes these kind of men don't even care, it is about what they want.

Why would you want to be friends with someone who is a complete pig though? He is using his own child to try and get in someone's knickers, he clearly has no moral values or respect, I wouldn't want him around me or my child.