Being asked for a trust pilot rating on my husband’s cremation!

[Completelydonechick]

My beautiful husband was cremated on 13th May, following the short and devastating effect of cancer.
I was shocked today to receive a marketing request from the crematorium, asking me to write a review and star grade my experience with them, to enable others to make an informed choice! AIBU to say that this is completely unacceptable! I know we live in a market led world, but when a loved one dies, the disposable of the body options are somewhat limited. It isn’t Amazon! I wasn’t thinking about checking ratings, I was thinking about how to lay my husband to rest in the most respectful way possible without losing my emotional sanity.
I did send back a very curt reply, requesting that they never contact me again. Maybe I should have left a 1-star review, saying that I wished that I had never needed to use the service due to me not wanting my husband to have died.
What is happening in this crazy world! Where everyone is accused of being overly sensitive and yet this kind of practise is okay! Or am I being overly sensitive? I am obviously not in the greatest headspace atm!

I'm sorry for your loss.

This is totally tone deaf and inappropriate from the crematorium, assuming it has come from them. I think you should let them know that, if you can face doing it.

Perhaps speak to the funeral director who arranged the service and let them know that this has happened.

I know that reviews can be helpful, especially in light of what happened at Legacy, but it needs to be extremely sensitively handled. Perhaps not directly asking at all, just a section on the website that people can fill out if they wish or feel able rather than directing them to do so.

I didn't even know you could review them. Not something I would want to do either. But going against the grain here to say at least they waited nearly 5 weeks to ask. It's not like they asked the day after the cremation.

And don’t let me get started on some of the experiences in Hospital and Hospice. My sincere condolences to your friend 💐

I'm sorry to hear this. My husband died and was cremated just before yours - and I'm still in deep shock. BUT - I more than happily filled out the feedback form and wrote a Trustpilot review.

We all handle things differently but the funeral director was absolutely brilliant with me and with the kids. He did an excellent job - and deserves my appreciation. And I picked him based in part on other reviews.

Salaries, new business, everything is dependent on reviews nowadays. People are quick to write in with complaints for even small things - so it's just the flip side of that. My own salary is affected by reviews and feedback - so I always appreciate it when people take time to do it.

I completely understand that you didn't feel that way. And having been through the hell of cancer ... and losing him - and of having to deal with the funeral, (and I really didn't want to do that so the help offered was invaluable), I have some experience of this.

Sending hugs OP - this is hard. X

Op I'm so so sorry for your loss. It seems incredibly insensitive to ask for a review??? I would give 0 and also complain to the company!!!! Sending hugs 🫂💐❤️

Something more sensitive with a person on the end of the line, I would have been more receptive to. But to ask me to vote with stars…………like it was a holiday experience!!!! Wholly inappropriate.

Sorry for your loss too, and it is so hard xx💐

Sorry for your loss x

Was it the Co Op? They did similar for my mum’s cremations last year 😡

I wish I'd been asked to write a review on the funeral director that my sister insisted on using when our Dad died. She works on a supply basis for them but my goodness trying to arrange things was like pushing water uphill with a fork. And it was horribly distressing having arranged a direct cremation that they then told my sister when and where it was - something I had really not wanted to know. I am still furious about it.

The only blessing is that they've still not sent the bill for the interment of his ashes.... it was last June and I'm certainly not reminding them.

That is so horribly tactless, though OP and I'm very sorry for your loss

I think this is the thing, some will want to leave a review, some won’t, both are valid choices.

I’m struggling to think of a more insensitive request at such a time, truly unbelievable

It is a service that is being provided and other people might benefit from your opinion on it when choosing theirs. It’s optional.

Sorry for your loss and the added pain this has brought you.

Trustpilot is about as unreliable a source of reviews as you could get in any case.

Reminds me of when my mum died (early 50's and me early 20's) and upon going to the care home to clear her room, 12 hours post death, the Nurse in charge asked me to fill out a survey about how well the care home had performed!

I refused.

I think this is totally insensitive of them. Sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss OP. That's shocking of them to ask for a review like that. I was asked to review the service from the funeral director i used for my dad, but they warned.me the letter would be coming and they waited 6 months after the funeral. It was just about any improvements they could make rather than a trust pilot review though. Sorry you went through that.

It doesn't take much to show a little compassion and thoughtfulness to the bereaved, those things do stay with you. Unfortunately gross insensitivity does too. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I don’t think this is appropriate at all.
im sorry for your loss OP

There are lots in my (reasonably rural) area. At least 4 I can think of at the top of my head, probably more.

That is really insensitive.

Is this something happening now that many crematoriums are no longer under the local council but are run by private firms? My local one is still under authority control but a relative's funeral elsewhere in the country the crematorium was run by a private firm. When you make a business from a service the latter is lost to the former.

I think they should have asked if you were willing to receive an email regarding feedback face to face not send it out automatically.

It's objectively insensitive to ask you to complete the review so soon and of course YANBU to be feeling like this.

Overall though, I think something it's more important that something like this comes recommended or is reliable for peace of mind.

As you say, it's not Amazon. If it were just some stuff you'd ordered that didn't much matter, you'd get over it if it wasn't up to scratch. If a loved one's service goes smoothly, and everyone involved is professional and sensitive, when there's little time time to make choices or think straight, that's got to be worth something.

YANBU and SO sorry your going through this awful time having lost your husband, i totally get where your coming from , been there.
Just be kind to yourself , one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, the hurt sadness and pain believe me gets easier over time, but never goes away, we learn to live with it rather than get over it. Be aware you are very sensitive at the moment, but your allowed to be.
I had some horrific things said to me.

Meh, it's a service you pay for like any other. They deserve to know if their service is up to par no?

I had something similar after my Dad died last year.

Except the letter they sent me to ask for feedback they hadn't bothered putting a stamp on, so I ended up having to pay for postage.

I was getting lots of stuff about the estate so thought it might be something important. I was pretty pissed off having to spend time and money sorting out paying for postage to get this mystery letter delivered only to find out it was that.