Would ths have confudsed you , Ds angry at me

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

A few weeks ago, as a very special treat , I took DS(21) out for a meal for his 21st at a very smart restaurant.

There were lots of waiting staff and our water gasses were refilled ( with quite the flourish !) as soon as we had taken more than few sips.

We didn't order any drinks form the menu, TBH I could only cover the meal and not any "extras" .

A few days ago DS says

"If I had bought my own juice would they have kept refilling it ?"

I was confused by this, initially thinking " what ? bring squash so you could add it to the water" , but just generally a bit perplexed as to what he meant.

This was not a restaurant that sold " juice" ( whatever it was he actually meant by that)

I must have looked confused as DS was quite angry saying "WHAT don't you understand !"

He does have difficulty with making putting what he wants across and I try very hard to understand him, but he can be incredibly obtuse at times.

Would you have been confused by what he said ?

What he actually meant was , If he had ordered a drink from the menu would that drink have been refilled over and over , as was the case with the water.

It's an odd question, but it's also odd to go to a restaurant and not buy a drink, it's not reality classed as an 'extra...'

Does he call any soft drink ‘juice’??? How odd for a 21 year old. ‘Very smart’ restaurants don’t tend to do bottomless drinks really other than water. Whole thread is odd, not just his question 😄

Maybe he was asking if he brought along his own Ribena cordial could he have added that to the free tap water?

Which is probably allowed if you are 7.

I will try harder with him in future,

thread is not about what we did or didn't dink as the restaurant, many people were just having water. We don't really drink alcohol , so not missing out on any wine etc

I think if he hadn't used the term "juice" I would have understood more easily

Not really, depends on where OP is. Where I am juice is used to cover everything from fresh orange to Pepsi to squash.

But not juice surely, that's expensive and doesn't lend itself to people helping themselves

Would they keep supplying small bottles of Britvic type juices or a refill from a carton, I can't imagine anywhere does either of those things

I would tend to call all soft drinks juice, but I'm Scottish and that's an idiosyncrasy of our language.
I understand both points of view - DS2 has asd and sometimes it can be difficult to understand what he's trying to say.

"My 18 year old ds is very like your son for speaking/misunderstandings and then getting very cross about being misunderstood and refusing to explain. He has a diagnosis of ASD"

@Sue152 do you have any tips for what helps your son ?

I suspect this is six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Your son’s question seems quite clear to me, in a way that some of your other posts are not.

You might find communication with him easier and less frustrating - for both of you - if you accept that neither of you are very good at putting your thoughts across clearly.

You both need to be more patient with each other, rather than putting the blame on your son for his perceived failings.

"You both need to be more patient with each other, rather than putting the blame on your son for his perceived failings."

I don't blame him , but he confuses me , and others, much more regularly than his siblings. not blaming him, just stating facts

I’m not saying they would do it. I’m saying it’s not an odd question from OP’s son.

And half this thread are saying that you aren’t communicating well, but your son’s question sounds clear. That’s also a fact.

You absolutely are blaming him for not communicating clearly, in your opinion. I’m not surprised he finds it frustrating - possibly even upsetting - when you question him about his meaning, if you do so in the manner you are communicating on this thread.

Yanbu, he was very rude and aggressive. And his question was very stupid as well. Does he really think juice and water are the same. Does he often ask stupid questions? At a posher restaurant that is certainly not the case and unless they do say bottomless he was very stupid to ask such a question.

He means if he bought his own, as in, because you were paying and wouldn't buy one. I understood first time.

I think you’re both quite similar…

I suspect if he's fed up of having to explain everything he says then his temper might get a bit short.

I can imagine my dd saying something like that as a joke. Like do you think if I bought my own juice they'd top it up haha and if I said sorry what do you mean she'd probably go oh never mind you're so annoying mum.

To be honest I'm a bit the same with my own mum at the moment who half hears what I'm saying and then I'm sick of repeating things as it loses the point or light heartedness of what you were saying in the first place

has he gone away to Uni or otherwise mixed with people from elsewhere in the UK. As mentioned above in Scotland juice means pretty much anything you drink that doesn't have alcohol in. If he has been to associating with particularly Glaswegians he may well have picked up different words and expression. I knew instantly what he meant but it's obvious others didn't.

I wasn’t being ‘aggressive’ - I was saying that I, personally speaking, wouldn’t be putting up with anger from a 21 year old if they didn’t make themselves clear and blamed me for that.

Pretty sure OP was agreeing with you. She was saying that she told her son that there was no need to answer aggressively even if she had misheard him.

Is he dyslexic? Are you? Maybe you both have trouble communicating your message to each other.

That was aggressive of you to tell him to “wind his neck in”

I don’t think there is anything aggressive in him asking
“What don’t you understand?”
When you looked confused at what is a clear question.

How else does one ask what a person doesn’t understand?

I think your squash thing may have been correct.. Was he asking if he bought his own juice (squash, and added it to the free water) would they have kept topping up the water part of it?

Bit of an odd question, but it's the sort of daft thing I'd muse about from time to time, bit like the 'if a tree falls in the forest would it make a sound' type hypothetical question.

Maybe it was supposed to be a light hearted question and he got frustrated when you didn't get it, there was no need to get arsey with you about it though!

Agree

I think this issue might be hereditary