To not invite their kids to our wedding

[tapwer]

Dp has a friend they are very close, him & his wife have a dd who is friends with mine, they don't get to see each other that often because it's only ever me that takes them out. The mum has never once offered to take them anywhere.

I have also paid for the majority of play dates, however, as soon as I started realising how much she was taking the p i started saying, the girls want to go to xyz, the tickets are xyz, and gave her the choice, she would then say yes but just give me the bare minimum for the ticket, so food and drinks were always paid by me.

There has been a time she said yes dd can go but can i transfer it to you tomorrow, tomorrow came no transfer. I didnt remind as to be honest i find it so insulting. There have been very long gaps in between because I am getting sick of it. her dd is lovely & I do feel sorry for them as it's purely down to how her mum behaves.

We recently invited her dd to dd's birthday party, she didnt bring a gift or even mention why she hadn't. There was only 4 girls so it was very obvious and awkward that she hadn't.

We are getting married next year, we aren't doing a big thing, only a handful of kids, that are family or the kids of guests who are friends with ours.
If i had it my way i'd just invite his friend & dd, but obviously I cantdo that, so now I am thinking we just invite the couple without their kids.

To be honest I know this is petty, but their whole family coming will cost us a hell of a lot, and yessss i know you absolutely dont invite people for the gifts, but i just know they wont get us one.

I just feel really used and disrespected

Nah don't invite the kids unless you want them there! The mum sounds really cheeky, I wouldn't be facilitating the friendship.

I understand your frustration, but if DP likes his friend and you like their daughter and it will make your daughter happy to have her friend there, I'd just suck it up and invite the 3. Not inviting the daughter seems to punish their daughter and your daughter, nit the woman you're actually annoyed with.
But I'd stop doing playdates unless she pays you first for tickets/food etc.

Excluding the child, because you don’t like the behaviour of the parents .. lovely.

Excluding a kid you like but including an adult you don't like.

Nah, makes no sense.

Find a different way to wind her up.

Excluding the DD because her Mum didn't pay as fast as you'd like is a shit move. Do you know their financial situation?

Do you really know their financial situation?

I say this because when my kids were younger we were so skint that we just couldn’t afford any kind of paid days out… but outwardly no one knew that

Your wedding is next year, no more invites for her dd and see how you feel then , it's a bit dramatic

How about your DP talks to his friend and asks to be paid back? If they are that close I don't see the issue.

Also, doesn't need to be paid play dates, can just be the girls hanging out in garden, going to park, watching a movie etc. I used to arrange elaborate play dates for my daughter and her friends with farm trips, trampoline park, soft play etc. But then observed that they seemed to have the most fun doing their own thing

I'd be worried about the family and wondering if they're not as well off as you...

@GracieLee

So i agree with this, however, she has 3 kids so we would be paying for 5 heads rather than 2.

She is one of these people who doesn't want to work and has the mentality that people who have more money than them should pay for more

Her financial situation is her kids get everything although she pleads poverty.

Oh I see there’s lots of dcs, not just the girl your dd is friendly with.

I think it would be fine to just give a couple invite, essentially you are inviting DHs friend and his “plus one” but not the whole family.

I also would make a decision I wouldn’t invite their dd out for the day until they had hosted dd, even just a play date at their house. Invite other friends of dds from school etc.

Id also invite the friend plus one on the basis your DH likes this man.

No need to trouble yourself with the kids. Your DD will have plenty of othered to play with.

What does your DH say?

Also you should expect ‘oh we don’t have babysitters’ message

Then reply, sorry yo hear that, I’ll mark you down as a decline. Thanks for letting me know.

I think for a wedding it's etiquette that either children are included or they're not. It's unusual to invite some people's children and not others unless it's family.
If you're inviting other children, I would include your friend's. Put aside any penny pinching history for the day.

I wouldn't invite the kids, and I wouldn't feel bad about it or worry if that meant they couldn't come. They don't exactly sound like great friends.

Are other kids going? If they are, you can't then exclude her kids.
Just stop arranging anything with her.

When they turn up and there's other couples there with kids, it's going to be obvious they're the exception. How does your partner feel about it? Surely his opinion matters too, or does he have to do as you decide because it's your wedding?

Why are you upset that the mother doesn’t reciprocate playdates but have no animosity towards the father?

It sounds really petty. Is DPs friend not the father of this kid? Is there a reason you don’t have anything against him?

I think you are getting a hard time on here OP. Had you skipped the first part of your post where you had described the mum's CF behaviour and just said 'it's a small wedding and the have three small kids which means three extra places, can I just invite the parents' Everyone would be saying, it's your wedding, your choice.

I think you can invite who you want.