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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not invite their kids to our wedding

33 replies

tapwer · 17/06/2024 17:40

Dp has a friend they are very close, him & his wife have a dd who is friends with mine, they don't get to see each other that often because it's only ever me that takes them out. The mum has never once offered to take them anywhere.

I have also paid for the majority of play dates, however, as soon as I started realising how much she was taking the p i started saying, the girls want to go to xyz, the tickets are xyz, and gave her the choice, she would then say yes but just give me the bare minimum for the ticket, so food and drinks were always paid by me.

There has been a time she said yes dd can go but can i transfer it to you tomorrow, tomorrow came no transfer. I didnt remind as to be honest i find it so insulting. There have been very long gaps in between because I am getting sick of it. her dd is lovely & I do feel sorry for them as it's purely down to how her mum behaves.

We recently invited her dd to dd's birthday party, she didnt bring a gift or even mention why she hadn't. There was only 4 girls so it was very obvious and awkward that she hadn't.

We are getting married next year, we aren't doing a big thing, only a handful of kids, that are family or the kids of guests who are friends with ours.
If i had it my way i'd just invite his friend & dd, but obviously I cantdo that, so now I am thinking we just invite the couple without their kids.

To be honest I know this is petty, but their whole family coming will cost us a hell of a lot, and yessss i know you absolutely dont invite people for the gifts, but i just know they wont get us one.

I just feel really used and disrespected

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 17/06/2024 21:17

Why is this all about her?

She's not the child's only parent is she? And considering the child's other parent is your DP's very close friend, why didn't you arrange the playdates/money etc with him?

PBandJ111 · 17/06/2024 21:26

Why would you invite them to your wedding at all? I don’t get it.

EatTheGnome · 17/06/2024 21:30

So the mun is tight and shit so the solution is to invite her and not her daughter??

FuzzyStripes · 17/06/2024 21:36

If you don’t want extra children at your wedding, then that’s your choice and it’s an understandable way of making a saving. However, some people get funny about it and they might not go or else one of them might not go. How would you feel is only the mum went?

Don’t not extend the invitation to the children out of revenge or spite though. A wedding isn’t the place for that kind of behaviour.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 17/06/2024 21:36

TBH I really think you could have managed this better from the start.

Not paying for everyone's food.
Not continuing to organise playdates that weren't reciprocated.
Reminding her to pay you back.

You've avoided some pretty basic communication and problem solving and want to jump straight to the nuclear option which will definitely cause issues for your DP's friendship.

bagginsatbagend · 17/06/2024 21:57

First of all just do play dates that don’t include additional expenses, just have the girls at your house if you want them to play together.

Secondly of course you can just invite the adults, even if you’re inviting some children doesn’t mean you have to invite everyone children. We had some kids at our wedding but only very close families kids or those that were travelling across the country to attend the wedding so would have had needed someone to have their kids for the weekend rather than just a day/night. You can invite whoever you want to your wedding for any reason you like, ignore those that say if you’re having some kids there you have to have everyone’s kids there

NewName24 · 17/06/2024 22:34

only a handful of kids, that are family or the kids of guests who are friends with ours.

You've stated what your 'rule' is, and, following this, you need to invite the whole family.
I'm totally on board with not inviting dc, or not inviting dc other than nephews and nieces, but you can't invite your other friends' dc and not hers.

NewName24 · 17/06/2024 22:36

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 17/06/2024 21:36

TBH I really think you could have managed this better from the start.

Not paying for everyone's food.
Not continuing to organise playdates that weren't reciprocated.
Reminding her to pay you back.

You've avoided some pretty basic communication and problem solving and want to jump straight to the nuclear option which will definitely cause issues for your DP's friendship.

Completely agree with this too.
You can invite your dcs' friends round to play without taking them out to expensive places.

But, if you did buy a ticket for something, then you should have insisted on being paid for it, if that was the understanding on which you took the child.
Food and drinks is different, as they might not generally spend all that additional money on top of admission prices when they go on trips.

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