Children’s diets - where does it all go wrong?

[Inmydreams88]

I am about to wean my baby in the next few weeks. Call me naive but I have high hopes that he will eat my delicious healthy food and enjoy it 🤣

I see most children (I work in a primary school) who eat poor diets. Obviously unless parents weaned them on chicken nuggets and Greggs sausage rolls then they were also weaned on nutritious healthy food, this led me to thinking where does it all go wrong? Is there actually anything I can do now whilst my baby is young that will impact his diet later on? Or do all children go through a beige fussy eating stage?

I completely understand some children have SEN/ND issues which can cause major issues with food, so this thread isn’t about that.

I agree that you can't control children forever, I never suggested that's what parents need to do. My point was that you can install good habits in children so that they won't WANT to eat crap when it becomes available to them. That IS possible.

I don't agree with you that banning foods just make people want them more. Jews, Muslims, Jains, etc. aren't allowed to eat certain foods as per their religion, and they have no issue staying away from foods that are banned to them.

Not eating together as a family is a big issue I think. I know it's not practical all the time but I've definitely noticed that families that feed the kids first then parents eat separately definitely end up with fussier children compared to families that eat together most of the time.
My DDs aren't perfect eaters but they're definitely not fussy and will try new things. DH and myself are not fussy either and there's only a couple of things we really don't like.

Vegetarians, vegans and people with food allergies also manage to stay away from foods that are 'banned' to them.

I definitely think that a big part of the problem in the UK is that there is often a distinction between kids food and adult food - hence the misconception that children couldn’t possibly enjoy a healthy snack like carrots + hummus and are much happier with a sugary packet of biscuits. Broccoli and kale were DD’s favourite foods when she was younger🤣 She ate what I and DH ate, just in smaller portions right from the beginning. Kids menus full of beige chicken nuggets etc at restaurants need to go! Now as a teen she still has an excellent diet (better than mine!) and cooks herself lovely, balanced and nutritious meals. Fast food is very much a last resort unlike most of her friends

A lot of children become fussier at around 2. There is even a theory that this has an evolutionary basis- babies are fed by adults so can be fairly confident that everything they are given is safe to eat. Toddlers OTOH are more mobile and independent and might grab something for themselves, such a nice-looking berry from a bush, without knowing if it's safe. As a result, we evolved to become more sensitised to bitter flavours at toddler age (so that we spit out poisonous berries) and then less sensitive again as we grow older (by which point we will have learned what not to eat).

Only a theory but it's interesting.

My firstborn ate anything and everything, no jars or pouches, everything fresh and healthy every day. Until he was 10. Then he decided he liked nothing at all. He lived on chicken, hummus, raw veg, and rice for the next 15 yrs. now at 25 he still eats limited foods but he's getting better all the time and has recently got into cooking new foods. He says it's the texture of food that puts him off it.

My second child has eaten everything he was given from 6 months and is a very adventurous eater now he's 22.

I don't think you can plan for a child that eats. Just do all the right things and keep your fingers crossed.

There's a difference between something being banned because it's against your religion and something being banned because your parents have just decided you shouldn't have it - especially when all your friends are eating those things.

There's also no religion on earth AFAIK that bans all kinds of junk food. Not being able to eat pork or animals killed in a certain way isn't the same as not being allowed to eat any kind of chocolate or sweets or fast food.

I also think that whether a child wants to eat crap (or not) is largely down to luck and personality as well as upbringing. It's very common to see multiple children raised in the same way with very different eating habits.

No idea. Wish I knew. DD was weaned on home cooked meals, ate anything, happy to try anything. Then she slowly started dropping foods(including her milk) until she stopped eating completely. Had to reintroduce everything, and this time it didn't work. She was 3 when she first accepted pancakes. She got better painfully slowly but she still mostly eats crap.

Mmm, sounds like mine at that age! I thought I was brilliant! You may find this changes at school age lol. We don't buy anything in packets like you, snacks are always fruit and veg (apparently this is still worth criticising, according to PP). But my child started to make friends, go to parties, eat school dinners, it all changed. I hope it doesn't for you, but try not to be quite so smug until then 🤣 We still don't buy chocolate or treats but he is a fussy eater. I make home cooked healthy meals every single evening, and every single evening it's a struggle, when at 2.5 it really wasn't. His brother is currently 2 and he's still eating everything but I'm standing by for that to change!

ETA, I don't mean to pick apart your post, but my parents live in France and if anything diets are more processed there. So many packaged UPF foods in the supermarket, I'm always astounded.

Persevere that's my advice. Push through the fussy stage by serving what they will eat BUT keep putting the veg out, keep eating good food yourself, keep having salad / crudités on the side of most meals. Make it normal.

Then slowly they come back in my experience!

DS11 just tried taboulleh (ultimately rejected but still a good effort) and we've had minted lamb steaks with roasted veg and potatoes with a tsatsiki sauce. DD9 isn't there yet so she basically had some of the meat with just the potatoes and carrots from the veggies but she didn't get a special meal - just picked the bits she liked

In my son's case, it was when I had to put him with a temporary childminder when pregnant with my second child. She fed him chicken nuggets, and he was instantly obsessed. This after I made all of his baby food from scratch.

Beige food is generally just tastier to kids, as well as junk food. Full of fats and sugars, the deadly/magic combo.

I think a lot of it is out of parents' control. One of my siblings was a tremendously adventurous eater. He loved trying new things and never went through a fussy stage. OTOH I was quite cautious as a child. I couldn't bear strong flavours. I remember being unable to eat yogurt because it was just too intense a flavour (this was before the advent of very sweet yogurts). The other siblings were somewhere in between. Our preferences had nothing to do with anything our parents did or did not do. As adults, we all eat normal healthy diets. The super adventurous eater still eats everything. I grew out of extreme fussiness and will eat almost anything, though my preferences tend toward the less spicy/strong end of the flavour spectrum.

As an aside, the sibling who was an adventurous eater was also a nightmare sleeper as a child, whereas I was the one who used to say, "Mummy, I'm tired. I want to go to bed." I think it is reassuring to know that some aspects of raising children are simply out of our hands. Children are who they are. In terms of both food and sleep (two of the biggest issues parents tend to cope with), you can really only play the cards you are dealt.

This isn’t my experience of France at all.. there is definitely UPF but the food culture is more geared towards sit down meals and not ‘food on the go’. It’s of course still a choice but most people still have lunch 12-2 in the week so have time for a sit down meal. And often use Ticket resto meal vouchers that are offered by employers and accepted at most restaurants. At schools the school meals are three courses and still very traditional; sit down, group meals where each day they lay the table and pour the drinks with a rota. I think it encourages a more traditional approach to food. I wouldn’t say I’m smug; I put a lot of effort into our food habits as a household since reading some books on UPF which shocked me to be honest. I’m not expecting to be able to keep DC away from McDonald’s etc all their lives of course! But they don’t need any exposure when kids and I hope it will help him stay healthier when he grows up.

From reading previous PPs I think I was lucky in that my DC always took a packed lunch to school. School dinners looked dreadfully unhealthy but fortunately it was cool to take a packed lunch. This made it much easier to ensure they are a healthy diet.
For what it's worth I also offer the story of my son in law ( now in his 30s). His parents are vegetarian and his DM is a second generation vegetarian and very militant on the subject. My son in law and his brother were both brought up as very strict vegetarians on healthy home cooked food. His brother is still happily vegetarian and has never been tempted to stray. My son in law is not. He says that he realised in his early teens that he was not a natural vegetarian and felt that he needed to eat meat. He started with illicit packets of bacon flavoured crisps. These turned out to be a gateway drug to a life as a carnivore. He is now a very adventurous eater and cook, still eats some vegetarian meals but really loves meat in every possible form. However, he has not yet plucked up the courage to tell his DM and when his parents come to stay he and my DD have to empty the fridge and cupboards of anything that might give the game away!!

Because chicken nuggets are delicious.

My friend is a wonderful cook. Cooks from scratch for every meal, always trying out new recipes. Her son will (even at 20) only eat the blandest pasta with sauce, nuggets, chips etc. That's just the way it is, much to her disappointment!
Fortunately for me my kids have always liked eating a variety of foods and my son in particular is a good self taught cook and been into healthy foods since he was 13. Their school prepared and cooked meals on the premises, not a nugget in sight. Sure my kids love pizza and burgers, but most meals are protein, plenty of veg and rice/sweet potatoes etc. And I don't usually do dessert unless a big meal like Sunday lunch, though there's always fruit.

In my experience I didn't pander to fussiness and neither child was fussy (except for mushrooms which I made rarely). This could be to do with parenting or perhaps the theory in ultra processed people that an addiction to ultra processed food is genetic. This might also explain the lack of fussiness in lower developed countries?

I've got one that will eat anything and try anything and one that eats a very limited beige diet.

Both were weaned the same. We all eat meals together at the table. I don't offer alternatives. Etc etc etc.

I think it really is down to the child a lot of the time.

A few things we’ve found work: cook proper evening meals and eat together as often as you can. Serve the children the same thing you eat, just make it milder or lower salt etc.

Don’t fret too much re weaning; just try a little something each day, and increase amounts as their interest increases. Don’t stress about it.

Don’t introduce junk food unless you can’t avoid it. No chicken nuggets, burgers or chips etc. Pizza isn’t so bad, but make it a rare treat treat and serve with cucumber, tomatoes etc.

Our DS loves “proper” meals, and eats stuff that’s probably quite unusual - kedgeree, smoked fish, curry, asparagus, boeuf bourginon. That’s not to show off, just to show what is possible if you offer only proper food.

When you’re weaning though you don’t have to worry about this, just eat together and make mealtimes fun.

Obviously it’s not always possible to make an involved meal, so pasta and sauce is a great fall back (I’m yet to meet a child who doesn’t like pasta) or omelettes if they’ll eat them; and the odd meal of fish fingers and chips is obviously fine, but just try and strike a balance, and eat together. When DC is bigger get them to help you do simple cooking tasks, and ask them to help you choose in the supermarket.

My SIL is always complaining her DC only eat “beige” food, but to my knowledge that’s all she ever gives them…

Lazy adults become lazy parents. DH and I cook most of our meals. We were both raised on home cooked food and don't generally like takeaways and freezer meals.

Vast majority of my friends are very proud of the fact that they do not cook. Even when there is some cooking involved, it seems only one half of the couple (usually the woman) does all the cooking. Which obviously isn't sustainable when kids come so you resort to more treats and takeaways. And you enter a vicious circle at that point.

All you can do is offer up consistent meals at the table, and keep food healthy and varied. My eldest is a fantastic eater, eats bloody everything. My second isn't great. He'll eat when he feels like it, changes his mind constantly about what he likes and definitely doesn't eat as much as eldest did at that age.

Two very different eaters but both were weaned exactly the same.

Just don't give them the crap. My son asked me once when he would have a McDonalds and I said when he had been naughty enough not to deserve a good meal (it was a joke, obviously and he knew it was) But I never once gave them a McDonalds. My son (18) will now eat it very occasionally but my daughter (16) can't stand it. Also give them much more 'exotic' food than you think they can tolerate from a young age. I had a fantastic book of baby and child recipes and mine were eating curry from about 9 months, moroccan lamb with cous cous, pork and apple stew, etc

There’s a multitude of factors. Being a picky/fussy eater isn’t taught. I’m fairly picky about veg (I’d be happy if the only veg I ever had was peas or carrots😂) and I don’t eat salad a lot of that comes down to texture and feel in my mouth. Both my parents and brother eat anything so it’s not a product of my environment. My DS will eat anything but my DD is very fussy indeed. DH does the cooking and makes most meals from scratch, is very good at portion sizes and making sure we eat healthily.
Portion size is a big problem, one of my friends has two very overweight kids and seems confused as she cooks healthy meals from scratch…the portions she dishes up are HUGE, I usually can’t even get through half of it.

Honestly, just roll with it and go with whatever works for them.

Both of mine were fabulous eaters when very young - I was pretty smug about that. They got more picky as they got older, but not excessively so.

DS1 is a good, plain eater. He eats a wide range of stuff, but prefers simpler meals and not a lot of spice or strong flavours. Fine.

DS2 is more unpredictable. He's more adventurous in his eating, but also dislikes some very popular foods (pizza, pastas with tomato sauce!) We work around those.

I don't buy much processed stuff. I enjoy cooking and do most things from scratch. At least then I know what's in it.

Ultimately, don't sweat it and do your best with what you've got. 🤷‍♀️