Children’s diets - where does it all go wrong?

[Inmydreams88]

I am about to wean my baby in the next few weeks. Call me naive but I have high hopes that he will eat my delicious healthy food and enjoy it 🤣

I see most children (I work in a primary school) who eat poor diets. Obviously unless parents weaned them on chicken nuggets and Greggs sausage rolls then they were also weaned on nutritious healthy food, this led me to thinking where does it all go wrong? Is there actually anything I can do now whilst my baby is young that will impact his diet later on? Or do all children go through a beige fussy eating stage?

I completely understand some children have SEN/ND issues which can cause major issues with food, so this thread isn’t about that.

I've found since DD started school its led to quite a bit of aversions. I think due to being around others who might say "ugh I don't like that" etc and 4 year olds being able to choose their own dinner option (they are realistically going to choose plain pasta with cheese if their friends are etc).

I agree with this. I found both DDs got far fussier around the age they started school. I don't know whether it was a developmental thing/beginning to understand they can assert themselves or copying other fussy children from school but it was definitely a noticeable change.

Overall, they are still good eaters. It is infuriating when they'll suddenly declare they don't like something when they've eaten it for years but I try very hard to be relaxed about food.

They are definitely some of the least fussy children I know though and I attribute it to never making eating a battle, they can choose to eat it or they can leave it. And never making them another separate meal. They have what's on offer or they are free to have some fruit out of the bowl and a slice of bread and butter.

All children go through fussy stages, its evolutionary (avoiding poisoning themselves) and also from social conditioning (seeing their peers say something is yucky etc.). It probably would help to avoid the highly addictive beige type foods until past the peak toddler fussy stage at least, but they will still likely fixate on certain foods but hopefully healthier ones - my youngest went through a stage when he would pretty much only eat beetroot!

I found that nursery really helped with my both my children, because their nurseries only offered one meal at lunch and everyone ate it so there was peer pressure to eat the food too (as well as the natural pressure from hunger after running around and playing all morning). They would eat things they wouldn't eat at home (more so my oldest, my youngest was less fussy once he was past the toddler stage).

Otherwise its a matter of continuing to offer foods, and waiting it out. And compromising where it works - for instance, until recently, my oldest would eat most foods but they had to be separate e.g. rice in one bowl, sauce/meat in another bowl, and veggies in a 3rd. I went along with it as she was still eating them all, even if it meant a bit more dishes (though of course at school she couldn't do that, and managed to eat with the food all touching...) and now at 13 she seems to have finally grown out of it.

My youngest was always less fussy, and even when he was I found I could get him to try foods if I put ketchup on it (nowadays its hot sauce). I also recently got him to eat a lot more vegetables by telling him that they will help him grow quicker, and as he wants to grow 2cm to ride the roller coasters at the amusement park he is eating all the vegetables I will give him, having salad at every meal and asking for cold peas for snacks

It's all very well saying "never introduce your child to junk food" but it just doesn't work like that in real life. Even if you never have it in the house, they'll go to parties, friends houses, nursery and school and eat it there at some point instead. Then going into their teenage years, they get an allowance or a job and you suddenly find yourself with absolutely no control over what they eat outside of the house.

I didn't grow up eating processed food, but then I became a teenager with an allowance and wanted to try all the foods my friends were eating, and because I'd been denied it for over a decade, I really went to town. All my allowance went on sweets and crisps, I drank a stupid amount of diet coke and was in McDonald's practically every chance I got.

My friends who grew up being allowed to eat that kind of thing never went OTT the way I did because it wasn't some kind of forbidden fruit. It was just food.

I have an incredibly fussy eater, doesn't eat meat (apart from mince, that has to be whizzed) no chicken, cheese, eggs, ham, bread, cereal, yogurt.
She does eat fruit and veg. Pasta in veggie sauce, lasagne/Spag bol is our go to.
It makes it incredibly difficult to eat out and holiday eating has to be planned and thought through.
She ate anything and everything until she was about two, but went through a period from there on of being incredibly thin compared to her peers and yes, I fell into the trap of offering more and more choices just so she'd eat.

I do also suspect she's on the spectrum She's 13.

I as a small child grew up in true poverty, fussy children very very much exist.

That’s just not true. Mine didn’t.

Also why are they “mindlessly snacking” while watching tv. Mine ate at the table. Even a snack.

in fact I think I agree with the PP said that snacking is a root cause of a lot of this. Parents terrified that their child might be a tiny bit peckish so they offer endless snacks and wonder Why the child turns their nose up at dinner. They’re just not hungry.

don’t get me wrong I’m not advocating starving kids, of course not. But being a bit hungry or peckish is not a bad thing. It’s fine.

Between 1-2 years usually. They start being fussy. You start giving in.

There is no correct answer to this. I swear anyone who thinks their weaning methods led to a child who eats all the fruit and veg is wrong, they just got lucky.
Also anyone who thinks a hungry child will eat anything in the end and it is somehow the parents fault they are fussy has no clue and has never experienced a truly fussy child.
I have more than one child all weaned the same way. I have one incredibly fussy child who at anything up until about 18 months at which point he decided that most foods just weren't for him. He is improving now he is much older, now 8, but it's still hard.
All you can do is your best, and also hope for the best!

100% this. I had a similar upbringing - sugar didn’t pass my lips until I was 12 (my mum used to go to school parties and tell them I wasn’t allowed junk etc). Then I basically ate nothing but sweets and crisps and donuts for 10 years.

big fan in our house of the “all the time / some times foods” distinction. Nothing is off limits, it’s just about frequency. As they’ve got older I’ve started to talk about the nutrition of different foods in an age appropriate way. At some point they’ll have to make their own choices so equipping them with information feels like the right thing to do.

That's a good point. But I still think you can get around most of these things as a parent. I don't eat certain things for religious reasons, and even though I am, and always was, constantly exposed to these things in daily life it didn't cross my mind to eat something I have learned isn't an option for me. Not to say others in my shoes don't fall into 'temptation', but I'm just saying that it is possible to teach children to stay away from processed and junk food. I don't think a lot of parents are willing to "restrict" or "indoctrinate" their children in regards to food, but I see it less as restriction and indoctrination, and more as installing good habits.

Nigerian kids are bloody fussy.

I host for student exchanges and believe me, they do NOT like English food and will go to a lot of time effort and money to replicate the dishes they like from home.

I shared your hopes, OP!

DC1 will try anything and genuinely loves all things green and colourful; ate pretty much what we ate through weaning and beyond (we have a decent diet). DC2 is comparatively fussy but will still eat plenty of fruit and a reasonable number of veg (but needs encouragement). DC2's 'I don't like' list (healthy and unhealthy foods) is quite long though.

Did I do anything different? Yes:

DC2 was weaned differently because they found an allergy and suspected others so we had to be fairly restrictive to approx. the 2 year mark.

DC2 had different childcare arrangements as an infant than DC1 (we moved) and got comparatively poorer meals in their setting (fewer flavours, much being stuff, a lot of sweets).

Things got worse in the early primary years: DC2's friends had very poor diets, school meals were far from great, kids were allowed to bring in sweets to school for break time. Social times with friends (parties, play dates, break time) became associated with chocolate, industrial snacks, crisps, chips, etc. We only provided healthy/mostly healthy foods to take to school / at play dates but were aware he found it difficult because other kids called his stuff weird (it was mostly fruit and home-baked things btw). DC1 had some of these comments too but has a more independent temperament and didn't seem to be influenced the way DC2 was, plus they were more set in their (food) ways by the time they started primary.

Of course DC1 and DC2 are different people so the above factors may or may not have been crucial in determining how they approach food now. I still feel the weaning restrictions for DC2 played a fairly big role in how things developed later but may be wrong.

Good luck!

At some point someone gave them beige or fast food.

The foods are designed to be addictive so you'll keep buying them.

With both parents working or single mum, it's easier to chuck those things in the oven or microwave and be done with it when you're exhausted.

They are fussy for longer than you might expect, and by the time they start to grow out of it (not until teens in many cases), these days they've been diagnosed with ARFID or some such nonsense. Both my cousin and I were very fussy eaters (I went through a long phase of eating rice crispies with Demerara sugar, and iceberg lettuce sandwiches on Mighty White bread), but by GCESs had made it to cheese and now eat most things.

DD went through a long phase of refusing to eat anything tomato-sauce based until she first encountered Domino's Pizza at a party, at which point peer pressure kicked in.

Also don't confuse "not my favourite" for "refusing to eat it". Outright dislikes are fine, but refusing to eat stuff because it's not your favourite food is not an option.

My children were pretty good overall, they went through fussy stages but did eat meals offered.

My advice is- involve them in food prep as young as you can, they automatically get tastes of things without meaning to. Smell is part of eating, if they are involved in cooking they get the smell of ingredients. Don't be afraid of introducing herbs and spices. Keep healthy snacks in the house so everyone is reaching for a banana rather than biscuit. Don't make forbidden foods, let them have a biscuit at grandma's or a macdonalds with a friend but don't make it an everyday food.

At nursery when we have a menu change the first couple of weeks even good eaters don't try a new food but by the end of the term most are eating it. They need exposure and to know its safe. Keep offering foods that kids refuse. Don't make food a battle, encourage them to try but not to finish it is their problem if they get hungry not yours. Don't offer different foods, if something isn't eaten that's it but no other option. No snacks except something healthy.
Eat together as a family, food is sociable. Teach good manners early - even our 2/3yo at nursery are capable of using cutlery. That way people are happy to go to restaurants etc with them and food is engrained as sociable and fun.

Be prepared to think you're smashing it when they are babies and eat everything, then find when they get into toddler years they get Opinions and it goes downhill!

Thank you for correcting my parenting, much appreciated 🙂

Mine would eat anything until around 2.5- omletts, cheese, vegetables, meat, fish etc. and then he suddenly stopped...no idea why but it became a real challange to fed him since...one type of soup, one type of cheese, like a previous poster suddenly we couldn't even give him a margharita pizza if It had herbs or basil on..
He is just really really fussy...about everything, even sweets :/

Many go through a change around 4 or 5yrs old. They’ll have eaten meals fine but then suddenly ‘don’t like broccoli’ even though a few months ago they’d have stolen it off your plate. I think it’s partly asserting their autonomy. Also, they get exposed to crisps and junk foods so see those as preferable options.

Keep things low-key (never show them how irritated you are); encourage them to eat a little; and try to avoid junk foods, or, at least, have less junky options - ie less sweet and less salty.

The thing is, you can teach your children whatever you like, but you can't control them forever or make their choices for them.

I know full well what a wholesome, unprocessed and healthy diet looks like but that doesn't mean I necessarily eat one - and I do attribute a lot of that to how I was raised. If you ban your child from eating certain foods, you're only going to make them more tempting.

You clearly don't have children who struggle to eat. Me, my brothers were all very fussy eaters and underweight.

I've heard of kids being so fussy they go a week without eating. It's all well and good but kids do refuse to eat if they don't like food.

I speak from experience - I weighed 6 stone nothing aged 19. Regularly used to pass out. I just wasn't interested in food, if someone gave me the choice between a food I didn't like and no food, id go without happily. My brothers were the same... And annoyingly my DD is also a fussy eater. My DH is a big eater, even as a kid, so the complete opposite - he cooks all our DD food and has done all the weaning, eats with her etc... but unfortunately she has inherited my lack of appetite (I'm a healthy weight now btw and eat well, it was a childhood phase).

Have a 2.5yr old. Started weaning (early?) 4-5 months, gave Purées. I didn’t do BLW. Gave milk and food for v v long time (he still has a lot of cows milk daily still now).

When he was about 18 months I overhauled our diets after reading ‘Ultra Processed people’. So we had no processed food, no choc, no biscuits etc. Homemade almost everything. Only thing is cheese. If we have a cake, I will make it. He is a fabulous eater. My parents were gobsmacked when he tucked into mussels at a restaurant.
I do not buy really anything in a plastic packet!! No choc mousses etc. No squash. No sugar drinks. I won’t even let him see a bottle of coke etc. No fun packets or pictures on any food in the house. He knows what smarties are but even those he thinks there are only 4 per box 😂
A pp upthread said that they are yet to see a child enjoy houmous and carrots.. my son does! We have rigid mealtimes sat at table etc. I am really quite fanatical about food and the quality of our food… we live in France where this is perhaps easier. When we come back to UK everyone’s diet is pretty awful tbh but we are ‘on holiday’ of sorts!!

I leave processed foods for school lunches and birthday parties. They like it, but it’s not on offer at home.

I see my SIL being ultra fussy about food (“I don’t eat”, “I don’t like”) and her children now spout the same rhetoric!!

A bit like most mums do make enough breast milk, most babies and toddlers do eat enough. However there are exceptions a minority of mums don't make enough milk and a minority of children won't eat enough. If wider family have a lot of stories of fussy children and are quite short then you might be more likely to have a problem with food. If there is a problem health visitors can help Eating together helps as babies like to be the same as those around. Other things are being aware lumpy food can be scary and that some babies prefer to feed themselves rather than be spoonfed.

It's easier to feed junk food to primary school when rushing between after school and weekend activities

What their peers eat becomes important when teenagers and they go to cafes etc themselves. Then bringing a healthy lunch from home can be ostrasizing.

I didn’t @Justasmalltowngirll I asked a question. And my Follow up point about constant snacking was based on PP’s comments about a parental fear of kids being peckish. But if you wasn’t to feel attacked, go for it 🤷‍♀️