To wonder if addiction is a choice

[BarbaraAnnee]

I am sorry if this sounds insensitive to some people but I just wondered what people thought of this. A relative of mine is an alcoholic and due to her being unfit, her parents have had to permanently look after her DD. I feel so bad for her and just wondered if she really loved her DD she would just stop drinking?

I'm 21 years sober in a 12 step fellowship. No, it's not a choice of life. Nobody wants to f up their life nor wake up deciding to be alcoholic.

You will be surprised to know there are far more people in this country with addiction to alcohol than you realise. You're looking at about 4 million people with some level of alcohol/narcotics problems in the U.K. alone. That's roughly 10% of the adult population. Then you have all the other less obvious addictions such as gambling and so on on top.

Alcohol is a causal factor in 60 plus types of illnesses. There was over 1 million hospitalisation because of alcohol in the last stats.

40% of crime is because of alcohol. In 2019, the cost of alcohol problems to the country alone was 25 billion a year. The NHS cost of that was 4 billion. Those stats came from a consultant friend.

The rest of the costs are police, courts, ambulances, prisons, treatment centres, fire, social services, and their agencies ad infinite.

It's a legal substance: also, it's only questioned and sneered about with the stereo type.

Alcoholism isn't your stereo type idea. I wouldn't have been classed in an alcoholic range.

I was an evening drinker over a few years and kind of functioned. It's what the majority do.

I suggest you give this link to the grandparents so they can get support too. It is indeed a family illness.

Yes, I'm a long-term member of A.A however also have membership to Al-Anon and ACAADF, which are both fellowships that support people who have someone in/around their lived whose drinking is a problem

al-anonuk.org.uk/

I suggest you give this link to the grandparents so they can get support too. It is indeed a family illness.

I second the suggestion of Al-Anon.

What do you actually mean by “it’s a family illness”, because it smacks of insisting that the dynamic of the whole family be focused and centered on you and your illness.

why don’t you get off the stage for a while, and let someone else be the hero of their own story, and life their life through a lens of their own choosing.

In many cases I think it absolutely is a choice. Eventually the willpower will be worn down and perhaps brain damage-related disease will make stopping harder but yes you have a choice whether to continue by and large. No idea why people are giving the op such a hard time. And for what it's worth I have watched my father slowly destroy himself and my family over the years due to addiction, so yes, I do know what I'm talking about.

@Catza, it's not that they don't love their child enough to stop (I mean, they probably don't...) but they just love the booze or drugs more.

Hi OP. There is a YouTube channel called Soft White Underbelly which is a collection of interviews with people from all different backgrounds. There are quite a few from people addicted to alcohol or drugs. It is heart breaking to watch but there is a recurring pattern. They have all experienced severe trauma, mostly in childhood, and are self medicating. It totally changed my view of addiction.

@Fizbosshoes, thank you for sharing that and letting me see things a bit differently. For some reason I have more sympathy for someone with an ED and don't see that as a choice and I'm not sure why? I wonder if being too close to something means you can't see it as clearly? It's not clear cut I suppose.

I have struggled with addiction. Binge eating which is a mild one compared to some but still destructive. I have siblings who both smoke and are alcoholics. I tried to learn from their mistakes and not go down that path. Of course I did dabble with smoking and alcohol in my teens but I never got the good feelings from them or did them enough to get addicted. If I had I'm certain I'd be an alcoholic right now. I overindulge in everything I enjoy-I watch the same shows and movies over and over. I'm even scrolling mumsnet too much atm. I have OCD (apparently there is a link with addiction) and I'm clearly trying to fill a void but what that is I don't know. Possibly because I've always struggled with depression so if I find something I like (which isn't often) I do it to excess.

My brain just tells me to keep doing it. I know people will say well have some self control and ignore it! But it's difficult to think of anything else until you've indulged in it. Non-addicts probably just say "I enjoyed that now I'm done" and that's the end of it. They don't have to constantly fight with themselves, they're lucky. And with alcoholics and drug addicts it must be even harder. My parents and grandparents never had any addiction issues so we never grew up around it but us three kids all managed to get addicted to something.

One of my siblings has recently gone back to drinking-and he has iron discipline so that shows how hard it is. I think he tried to still drink every so often though-which of course we know is never going to work long-term. An alcoholic has to accept they can NEVER drink again. Also he didn't seek outside help so that probably affected his likelihood of relapse. You really have to get support for it and not try and do it alone when you're that deep in it.

@AlbertVille You clearly know nothing about addiction.

Of course, it's a family illness. It affects the lives of all who are connected to the person with the illness.

It affects the mental health of the families as those around them try to help sort them out, cover up for there drinking etc etc.

They aren't my facts. They are the facts I see every day born out of the truth, which is also recognised by the medical profession, and the medical profession will say.

Here is one of the many articles to psychiatrists and medical professions on it.

I don't get off the stage for anyone - it seems a topic, a little too close to home for you. Here's a couple of links for you to look at. I hope they are helpful. BW

www.forwardtrust.org.uk/the-effect-of-addiction-on-families/

treatmentlink.co.uk/family-illness-addiction/#:~:text=Addiction%20%2D%20A%20Family%20Illness

Of course it's an illness! And every time he gambled he probably thought he was going to win all the money back for his family. Obviously that was not going to happen, but that was probably his thought process. You smoked for 20 years, are your family going to have to watch you get smoking related illnesses because you were too selfish to quit for TWENTY years. How is it different?!

I don't get off the stage for anyone

all the LOLs in the world. Thanks for proving my point better than I could ever hope for.

Don’t you think your alcoholism (however many years drinking plus 21 sober) just gets really really boring and tedious for other people? Let me help you out- it does. If My Alcoholism is the most interesting thing in your life, you have a dull life, and if you think it should even be A Thing in other people’s lives- you are wrong.

I love SWU,, such beautiful portraits of such tragic lives. I love his interview style, it feels very trauma informed.

From someone who has lived with, supported someone with alcoholism and works in mental health, there really is very little help out there.
For alcoholism, it's really difficult. Booze is everywhere in our culture. From boozy brunches, gin nights, mummy's wine in the bath, beer and barbecues, it's everywhere. Try becoming sober as a man in your mid twenties, what exactly is your social life going to look like?

Those who say 'get help?' who exactly do they think provides that help? Most addicts aren't street homeless, drinking vodka at 8am. Most have jobs, families, careers, routines. Yet none of our services cater to these people. AA is only for people really in the reflective/ maintenance part of their recovery.
The GPS only signpost.
There is one NHS 12 bed rehab ward in my huge city. Getting referred there is very difficult.
Charities only offer peer support and this isn't always appropriate or logistically possible, e.g. peer mentor only around Friday mornings when my ex had work and understandably couldn't tell his employers why he couldn't be in on their busiest day.
Also if you have MH as well, one sector will blame the other. So you can't get support for anxiety because your drinking but you drink due to anxiety.
I think our culture needs to have a hard look at itself. We have created this. Luckily the younger generation are mostly teetotal now but I think that's due to phone addiction.

'Try becoming sober as a man in your mid twenties, what exactly is your social life going to look like?'

Well, many men in their mid twenties do a lot of sport so that is what their social life looks like. I know plenty of younger people who don't get shit faced when they go out. Many drive and don't drink at all.

The rest of your post is full of excuses and enabling. Help is out there. However like anyone who overdoes things whether it be booze, overeating, prescription drugs it is always going to be far easier to play the victim and say they can't help it. They can, they've just got to want to do it and many don't. It's an 'illness' and 'disease' etc etc.

'think our culture needs to have a hard look at itself. We have created this'
No we haven't. Those with no self control or willpower have created their own problems.

@Janiie ok so spill it, what would you do to help yourself if you were an addict, what services are there? Tell me if you're such an expert

@Janiie also are you this understanding about all mental health? People who kill themselves are just selfish and weak, people with anxiety just need to toughen up? Because they are all linked you know? Addicts don't stop because they don't think they are worth it. They don't give up for their kids because they think their kids are better off without them. Addiction is self harm, it is fuelled by suicidal ideology. If you can't see that then you're a bit thick.

Yep, it is definitely all down to moral failings and lack of willpower.

For Fuck sake. We can tell who has no clue about addiction, self-loathing, trauma, and doing anything to get rid of the pain, can't we.

So offensive

@Tortiemiaw honestly it's like going back in time being on mumsnet sometimes. Such outdated attitudes to things we know much more about now.
Tell me, why would anyone choose this? I know someone, Oxford graduate, on track to be something high up in finance, had a lovely girlfriend and baby, he now lives under a bridge. No contact with family, child, no job prospects, no house. Just why? Why would someone choose this unless they hated themselves so deeply?

AA is only for people really in the reflective/ maintenance part of their recovery.

I thought people went to AA to get sober and to stay sober.

@Southwestten no it's not intensive enough, it's more for people who want to stay clean

Also AA groups are full of people selling drugs to vulnerable people!

@AlbertVille I think you are being very rude to that poster.

It's such an emotive subject. So many people think they have the final say because they have had their life impacted by a loved one who drinks. But the thing is, it's so common you never know if the person you are speaking to has been through the same thing.

I have had people preach to me that it's not an illness, oblivious to the fact my childhood was ruined by alcohol.

'also are you this understanding about all mental health? People who kill themselves are just selfish and weak, people with anxiety just need to toughen up?'

Those with mental problems can access counselling and support. Those with anxiety can access counselling and support. Those who drink excessively and take drugs can access counselling amd support, what they shouldn't do <but all do> is say it's a 'disease' and there is nothing they can do. There is, just many do not want to change.

Ive just googled drug and alcohol support in my area and a load of links have come up from walk in assessments to online support.

As I say help is there you've just got to want to change.