To wonder if addiction is a choice

[BarbaraAnnee]

I am sorry if this sounds insensitive to some people but I just wondered what people thought of this. A relative of mine is an alcoholic and due to her being unfit, her parents have had to permanently look after her DD. I feel so bad for her and just wondered if she really loved her DD she would just stop drinking?

Addicts arent inherently selfish, however the things that they do when using are awful.

This causes trauma in those around them who are left hurt and scared by their actions.

Of course we must suport thise suffering with addiction, however the families need support too.

I have ptsd from desljng with my addict husband , its not the incidents them selves, its the circular pattern of addicion, promises made and broken again and again. The childen seeing him sleeping on sofa all day, the going missing and not answering the phone. Those are real things that have a real impact on people.

I had to work and look after the kids not knowing where he was, having my card declined st the till because hed cleaned me out financially. It broke my heart over and over.

You canexternalise the addiction and i willnlove and support him forever, but im hurt too.

So you are not going to comment on my post where I provided a proof that addiction is recognised as an illness in DSM 5 based on extensive long-term research? But hey, why let facts get in a way.

Addiction isn't a choice, but recovery is.

Do you think that six sessions with a nodding dog that got their counselling qualification from a 2 month online course is all the ‘support’ needed to beat addiction?

What about getting them through withdrawals? They need medication and supervision while they do that.

When the planets align, and an addict decides to seek help, what’s the usual route? Ring their GP and wait 2 weeks for an appointment before waiting more weeks to access specialist help. And once they’re at that point they’ll be told to keep on drinking until a rehab place becomes available. That’s if you’re lucky enough to have inpatient rehab in your area.

If not you have to do it at home, alone while trying to cope with life. Often with no family or friends because they’ve all been driven away. This takes MONTHS. It’s not the quick fix, instant access that you make out it is. So when they are finally offered treatment, what are the chances that they’re still in the same mental place they were when they first asked for help? How many have the resolve to keep hold of that fortitude for months, while still drinking/using, and not give up?

'Do you think that six sessions with a nodding dog that got their counselling qualification from a 2 month online course is all the ‘support’ needed to beat addiction?'

No, it doesn't but it is start isn't it, a step in the right direction, no? A 'nodding dog' what an appalling way to talk about professionals trying to help.

'Often with no family or friends because they’ve all been driven away.'

Driven away by the repeated destructive behaviour of the addict. Family and friends do not give up easily.

You post is another typical example of the 'yeah but' mentality of those with compulsions who can't/won't access the support that is available.

It's an awful cycle of insanity. As an addict myself I'm disgusted at how I treated my family and friends. Through my 12 steps I've made my amends and will continue to do so as long as I live.
Have you heard of Al-anon? It's for families of addicts and its a great support network. It would really help you. Sending hugs to you and your children

The best comment I've seen on here 👏🏼
As the cards say in NA we do recover

Eh? I’m not an addict, I’ve just got an amount of emotional intelligence and lived through it enough times as a relative of addicts to have more understanding than the average lay person.

Im sorry, but many counsellors are NOT professionals and do more harm than good. Person-centred counselling (of the sympathetic nodding-dog variety, as opposed to therapy with a fully qualified psychotherapist) is useless for addiction. You can clutch your pearls all you like, it’s a fact!

I never said family and friends get driven away easily, I know because I am one! I wasn’t driven away. I was removed by social services. I still kept running away to go back to her. But the rest of the family had long given up on her by that point, and I can’t say as I blamed them! The fact remains that many addicts end up alone.

My brother is a drug addict.

Choice.

I'm not interesting in someone saying they're a "former" addict, I don't have the capacity left for when they inevitably turn back. Its naive to suppose that there is complete freedom for.an addict.

'Im sorry, but many counsellors are NOT professionals and do more harm than good. Person-centred counselling (of the sympathetic nodding-dog variety, as opposed to therapy with a fully qualified psychotherapist) is useless for addiction. You can clutch your pearls all you like, it’s a fact!'

'Counsellors do more harm than good'. Riiight. I just don't think there's enough psychotherapists to go around you see, some folk have to slum it with counsellors. I'm not 'clutching my pearls' just don't agree with your sneers about 'nodding dogs'. They are qualified professionals more than able to assist drunks and drug addicts.

The first ever drink is a choice. When I say first ever, I mean first ever.

The brain reacts and all of a sudden, you feel fantastic. You're laughing, you're confident, you're likely surrounded by people if you're own age, doing the same thing.
You are all on a liquid drug, and having the time of your life.

You want to replicate that initial high, over and over and over again. Your friends aren't too fussed because they've chosen to put their time in to work or studies.

You make new friends that understand getting drunk is the best. The funniest laughs, the funniest moments...

Those friends then leave, you find one new friend. Perhaps a man who likes the pub. So so many laughs over a pint and playing pool. You decide this is the one.

You get pregnant. The shock of not drinking. You visit the same pubs, your old friends are there, they're not interested in your pregnancy.

You gave baby hoping to return back to happiest memories. You drink, because that's what brings them back.
You play music from the time.
You convince yourself that you're enjoying life.

You pop to the shops at 7am with baby, to buy a bottle of vodka, telling everyone it's for a party later, I've got 20 people coming.

You go home, ashamed and needing sleep. You can't ask for help due to judgements. You can't give up due to the physical reaction.

You may very well believe that your baby is better off without.
When that manifests and all you have is heartbreak...

... You reach for the next numbing drink.

My dhs drug of choice was cocaine. Hes not much of a drinker ironically.

We used change live grow, which is a more practical cbt based programme of recovery.

He still has relapses every once in a while and its really difficult.

You sound like you have worked hard at your recovery and care about your family. Its hard work, i know, and i hope i didn't come accross as judgemental. Im sorry if i did, i was just trying to share my perspective.

Have you ever had counselling for complex trauma, and gone to see a counsellor who just sits there and says nothing? Meanwhile you’re sitting like a rabbit in headlights not knowing what to say, feeling like you’ve got a welly on your head and wondering why they’re not talking to you or asking you any questions. If you say anything they look at you with a patronising semi-smile and nod, but don’t say anything. You come away feeling worse than when you went in, because it was a complete waste of time.

The idea that a client with years of trauma and shame will just rock up and pour their heart out in six sessions without any prompting is ludicrous, but that’s how person-centred counsellors operate. That might work for someone who is stressed at work, or wants to work out whether to leave a bad relationship, but it does not work with complex trauma which most addicts will have.

I’m speaking from decades of experience. I’ve had amazing therapy, and utterly shit therapy. The amazing therapy was all private, and most of the shit therapy was on the NHS. And even then, some of the counsellors were absolutely lovely, but completely out of their depth and told me as much (ie. that I needed psychotherapy, not counselling). And I’m not even an addict, whose issues I’m sure are even more complex than mine.

@Janiie Just to be clear, I didn’t say that all counsellors were not professionals. Some will have years of experience. But others will be newly qualified after doing a Level 2 course which takes a few weeks to complete and no, that does not a professional make. Others aren’t registered but can still call themselves a counsellor.

@JanglingJack what a list, all so out of their/your control.

'Your friends aren't too fussed because they've chosen to put their time in to work or studies', or to put it another way 'your friends aren't too fused because they don't like to get shitfaced all day every day'. They choose not to.

Your least sentence sums up the defeatist mentality perfectly.

Well let's just hope you're not counseling anyone any time soon.

You also missed the point completely.

Yes the friends CHOSE not to, but the one affected, struggled perhaps to make that choice due to issues the friends didn't have, or an altering in brain chemistry where some are more prone to addiction.

I think your post is pointless. You could have chosen just to say that you believe addiction is a choice.

I don't believe addiction is a choice. I believe that there is a predisposition.

Oh. I've just seen your other posts.
No comment.

The addict can't do something they're addicted to in moderation like everyone else can, what are you not getting?

One of my Drugs of choice was cocaine too. Basically I just wanted to escape my own head. You really didn't come across as judgemental you're obviously frustrated and hurting which is understandable. Addiction isn't a choice but recovery definitely is.
CGL is great, has he tried any 12 step meetings? They were what got me clean and most importantly kept me clean. Also healed lots of my wounds.

True. Once you're an addict you're one for life. There is no known cure but it can be arrested and long term recovery is possible. If an addict picks up a drink or drug after a prolonged period of abstinence then that is indeed a choice.

Cocaine? Wow. I mean that isn't something you can pick up at Tesco and accidentally consume too much of is it. A lot of time, money and choice must've gone into sourcing it.

Well done for taking back control of your life and abstaining now though.

Janie you're absolutely right! However it is everywhere. In every night club, pub even in schools. It is an epidemic. My son goes to school with kids who are taking cocaine. Children cannot make informed choice so to say it's a choice isn't completely true. Yeah I chose to take that first line and I'm not gonna explain why I did but at one point I crossed an invisible line (excuse the pun) and all choice was removed. Today thanks to hard work, therapy, my sponsor and the 12 step program I am clean and I intend to be clean for the rest of my life. Today I DO have a choice.
I certainly didn't wake up one day and think "I wanna be an addict"

He hasnt tried 12 steps, but that may be the next thing. Im willing to try anything honestly.
I understand the escapism of it, and the numbing of feelings.
I also understand its a daily struggle all of the time and it takes hard work and patience.
I guess im most frustrated with the lack of help out there really from gps and mh services.

Yeah I realised after a while the only person who'd help me was me and that's sad. If you can get him to a CA or NA meeting it'll help. NA saved my life! I tried so many other ways and nothing worked.