Should I tell his wife? Sleazy ex

[Watercolorbird]

An ex from 18 years ago keeps sending me friend requests on Facebook. I keep ignoring them but a few months later he’ll send another one. He’s married with 4 kids.

I’m sure it isn’t innocent. For one I don’t think there’s any need to resurrect contact with exes from your youth when you’re happily married. And it didn’t not end on good terms. We would never be friends. Also, he was always an absolute sleazebag - cheating, sexual abuse.

I feel really sorry for his wife that she ended up with him. I knew her vaguely and she was an intelligent woman. They’re always posting on social media painting an idyllic life and as much as I’d want to know in her position, I’d also feel bad shattering her life even just for a day or so. Obviously I doubt she’d leave him over it. But I’m sure she wouldn’t be best pleased either.

Should I just leave it?

YABU - It’s no big deal. Just ignore/block.

YANBU - She deserves to know her husband is trying to drum up contact with his exes.

Has he sent messages? Otherwise I would assume he's just hitting the suggested people button and has a ton of Facebook friends he's not actually been in contact with in years. If I was his wife it would not shatter my life I don't think. Just don't delete the friend request and he can't request it again.

Honestly, just leave it. You've no idea what is going on in their lives, block and move on, save your head space.

Why all the drama? Just block him

No messages have been sent no. I’m pretty sure he isn’t sending out bulk friend requests though. It always seems to be when the footballs been on and he’s been in contact with another ex of mine. Both of them send the friend requests around the same time. But this one more often. I do leave it on ‘unread’ as it were. Seems to have stopped the other one by doing that. But this one deletes the request then tries again.

I just feel sorry for his wife. I was definitely of the opinion of ignoring and leaving it. But it’s been 4 years now and I’ve just received another one so started to think maybe I should let her know.

Honestly you knew him 18 years ago and have absolutely no idea what he's like now or why he's sending you friend requests.

Pondering on whether his wife will leave him over his behaviour 18 years ago and sending you friend requests is quite frankly ridiculous

And " it didn’t not end on good terms" ... so it ended on good terms then? He may just want to reconnect?

I said ‘obviously I doubt she’d leave him over it’. How is that pondering - I’ve said she obviously won’t because it isn’t like cheating or anything major.

Sorry about the typo, I’m not feeling too well this morning. It did NOT end on good terms.

It’s my opinion that there’s no good, well intentioned, innocent motivation to want to ‘reconnect’ with an ex when you’re happily married but apparently that’s just me.

Since he hasn't sent messages just block and ignore.

I find it bizarre he keeps making them when you are clearly ignoring him. Repeated requests? Very bizarre. Definitely don't engage with him. Frankly his relationship is none of your business. If you innocently friended someone from the past, you wouldn't want them telling your partner and saying how you behaved in the past! It's different I know as you're not an arsehole, but no doubt she knows he's a dick, or simply doesn't care, or is one herself.

Don't tell his wife, that's just shit stirring - what are you going to say? Your husband sent me a friend request on Facebook? Just block him and get on with your life!

Why haven’t you just blocked him?

his wife will probably just laugh or be a little bemused if you tell her.

The simplest thing is to block them both and then they can't send friend requests again.

Why haven't you blocked him?

It's just a friend request.

Don't be a shit stirrer.

Besides, if you leave the request hanging, he can't send another one.

ETA or yes, just block.

It’s my opinion that there’s no good, well intentioned, innocent motivation to want to ‘reconnect’ with an ex when you’re happily married but apparently that’s just me.

Yes it is and if his wife is confident in their marriage, and confident in herself, you'll make yourself a laughing stock.

"She needs to get over herself" is likely to be what she says, with an eye roll and a laugh.

He will probably tell his wife that he sent them to you because in his eyes he thought it would be nice to get back in touch and remain in contact and she will then think you are batshit and stirring.

Just block him and stop thinking about him and the trouble you want to cause his marriage.

I honestly feel like giving up on Mumsnet. He is trying to contact me, not the other way around! I am minding my own business living my life. I never give him a second thought until one of these requests comes up again. Yet I am the shit stirrer apparently. I just wanted to find out whether you’d want to know if your husband kept friend requesting his ex. When I ignore it he deletes the request so he can send a fresh one. But apparently no one would care if their husband did that so I won’t tell her and I’ll block him.

This.

Why wouldn’t you just block him instead of ignoring his requests?

Seems you probably enjoy the drama/attention.

Blocked!

Yeah he is being a dick but in reality it’s just a friend request.

He hadn’t actually cheated on her or been sleazy. It’s just a friend request

So block him. I don’t understand why you havnt already.

It’s been 18 years. You have know idea of his thoughts or reason behind the contact. If he’s that’s sleazy he’s unlikely to be going after someone middle aged who isn’t interested but would instead be aiming for younger women who are more impressionable. He’s not even messaged you; it’s just a friend request.

Is there a reason you haven't blocked him?

@TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre I have blocked him now. I didn’t before as I thought if I ignored it he’d stop. But he hasn’t.

He's sent you a request... he hasn't said or done anything inappropriate. Why would you stir the pot?