Should I tell his wife? Sleazy ex

[Watercolorbird]

An ex from 18 years ago keeps sending me friend requests on Facebook. I keep ignoring them but a few months later he’ll send another one. He’s married with 4 kids.

I’m sure it isn’t innocent. For one I don’t think there’s any need to resurrect contact with exes from your youth when you’re happily married. And it didn’t not end on good terms. We would never be friends. Also, he was always an absolute sleazebag - cheating, sexual abuse.

I feel really sorry for his wife that she ended up with him. I knew her vaguely and she was an intelligent woman. They’re always posting on social media painting an idyllic life and as much as I’d want to know in her position, I’d also feel bad shattering her life even just for a day or so. Obviously I doubt she’d leave him over it. But I’m sure she wouldn’t be best pleased either.

Should I just leave it?

YABU - It’s no big deal. Just ignore/block.

YANBU - She deserves to know her husband is trying to drum up contact with his exes.

This.. And what on earth could be said?

'Mrs ex-bf, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I used to know your husband and he has tried to become my Facebook friend. I really thought you should know'...

I only came on here to ask a question in the name of female solidarity. I got my answer and have acted accordingly. But my character has been attacked despite none of you knowing anything about me. Hope you’ve all gotten a nice rush out of calling a stranger on the internet attention seeking.

I’d leave it - he may be reaching out because he’s had therapy/doing the AA 10 steps programme and wants to apologise or something, so if you contact his wife you could create trouble unnecessarily. Just continue to decline and/or make your profile private and be done with it.

It's how you came across though.

Or any adult who would rather make a song and dance, than simply block.

You're an adult, if someone makes you feel uncomfortable on SM, just use the blocking facility.

Job done.

You came on & asked a question. You got answers.

Female solidarity though 🙄 Were we all supposed to agree with you because we're all female? That's not how it works.

It was pointed out that blocking was the sensible option. You've done that now.

@Kinneddar I didn’t mean female solidarity as in you all agreeing to that option. Just female solidarity for his wife’s sake. I suppose I know (knew rather) what he’s like. And I’m guessing from looking at his social media that gives a very narcissistic impression not much has changed. And I just wondered if the consensus would be that people would want to know if their husband was doing that. But everyone thinks it’s nothing and I should just block so that’s fine.

Do you assume that all men that friend request you fancy you and are up to something?

Unless your name's Jolene, his wife won't necessarily be bothered about him adding people from the past.

I don’t think I would leave my husband if he was sending his exes Facebook friend requests but I’d certainly be wondering why he’s doing it!
so prob at the level of slightly suspicious, but not at the level of annihilation and expulsion 😆
men do seem to have form for this though, seen a lot of similar posts on mumsnet

@Nicknacky no just the cheating raping ones

It took you 4 years to block him??

His wife probably has a fair idea what he's like too. Stay out of it. You'd only be dragging him back into your life.

I don't know what there is to tell her. She's his wife and mother of his children so she knows him at least as well as you do and a friend request isn't inappropriate.

Just block and forget about him.

It’s a friend request, not a dick pick. Whilst I do not doubt that he was an absolute scumbag, there is nothing to tell his wife. Block and move on.

Honestly sounds like game playing get drunk while the football is on friends request a ton of people 🙄

Anyway blocked now should he make another profile then you can tell his wife to pack it in

talk about inviting drama

if someone said my husband had sent a few friend requests to her, i would wait patiently for the follow up. And….

Surely a friend request doesn't mean anything whatsoever? Why would his wife care about that? Sometimes you just click "yes" to requesting all suggested friends.

I think you're overthinking this. Do you still like him?

it means nothing to 99.99999% of us
and probably him too
not to the Op it would seem

You need to get him out of your life in any way you can.

Blocking was the only thing you could do. Telling his wife would be bringing him back into your life. I assume he would tell her it was just a harmless friend request, but you might still have to deal with fallout.