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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think most people don't understand baby led weaning

477 replies

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 08:46

I hear so often people say they are doing a mixture of baby led weaning and spoon feeding. I'm not saying one is better than the other, but this is 'traditional weaning', which always advised finger food from 6 months as well as purées. It's not doing a bit of both. BLW means you let your child feed themselves all the time. To say you're doing a bit of both is like saying you're a bit of a vegetarian because you eat some plant based foods alongside meat?

BLW also doesn't mean children don't use a spoon, you can use a spoon straight from the start but you just preload it for them and then let them hold it / put it in (or somewhere near lol) their mouths.

I think maybe people feel under pressure to do BLW but don't want to so they say they're doing a bit of it. There is nothing wrong with doing traditional weaning (purées and finger food) though!

OP posts:
Kokomjolk · 17/06/2024 12:11

I don't see why helping a baby eat yoghurt isn't 'baby led' when the baby is keen to eat the yoghurt but lacks the dexterity to efficiently move anything more than tiny amounts into their mouth. If they don't want to eat the yoghurt they won't. Parents aren't shoving spoons into unwilling babies, they are just helping them.

It's just as baby led as giving them a bowl of yoghurt and letting them try to eat tiny licks off their fingers or fuck around with a spoon they're crap at using.

Marmose · 17/06/2024 12:15

For me the problem with BLW as a philosophy is that there is no correlation between a baby’s physical ability to feed itself and its nutritional needs.

Confusionn · 17/06/2024 12:15

The baby stage is so very short anyway, BLW is just another way of making an already short stage even shorter. Babies have their whole life to cram full bits of food into their mouth. If some parents are worried about the choking risks doing a bit of puree at the beginning does not make them shit parents.

BertieBotts · 17/06/2024 12:19

I think you have to understand the original intent of BLW and the context that it occurred in - the original book was published in 2008 and Gill Rapley was doing her HV work in the 70s, 80s and 90s - the culture of parenting, particularly of babies/toddlers was very different then. It was seen as a parent's job to get food into the child, cajoling "just one more, good girl" was normal, persuading them using little games like "Here comes the choo choo train!" was totally normal, expecting (older) children to clear their plate was normal, bribing with pudding, or punishment for refusing food was normal, force feeding was sometimes considered acceptable to some people, (I find this very shocking!) the idea that you'd let them run the show and decide whether to eat or not was just completely alien to most people. Gill, working as a HV, frequently encountered babies/young children who were fussy and refused to eat but they didn't have any physical problems - she felt that they were just reacting to the way they were being fed, which was adult-led and not taking their preferences or reactions into account.

That's why she came up with the idea of baby-led weaning and letting children have more control over whether they ate or not (similar to e.g. Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility, which was described in her book published in the 80s but seems less well known in the UK) and then this kind of naturally led to a place where - OK if we are letting the child have control over their food intake, do we even really need to spoon feed them purees at all or could they eat ordinary food? She cites her own master's degree, where she studied how babies ate when given control over the whole thing plus the change in guidance in 2002 (4 months to 6 months) as being her catalyst for this aspect of the BLW approach. Although she maintains she did not invent it and only gave it a name/studied it.

I think the entire culture is different now and the messaging we get around babies/parenting, including topics like feeding is very different. I don't know what other parents felt like in the 00s, but I had a baby in 2008 and it wouldn't have occurred to me to do anything else but be respectful of his experience and follow his lead when I was introducing food, even if I'd never heard of BLW which I did thanks to MN Grin

So the idea of letting babies be in control of what they eat and taking their feelings into account isn't especially radical or surprising any more. I think most people introduce solids in a respectful way, regardless of what method they use. The surprising and radical-seeming part is using whole foods rather than purees, and so that's what people assume BLW is. To an extent I would say that in 2024, that IS the distinction between traditional/puree weaning and BLW - because these days if you are bribing, cajoling, praising for amounts eaten, distracting a child so they'll eat, doing "three more pieces of brocolli to get pudding", expecting a cleared plate etc, people will say this is bad parenting, you're giving them a complex over food, and as for punishment for not eating, or force feeding - I'd call this abusive, and I think most parents today would.

So BLW becomes a shorthand for "solid foods a 6m+ baby can handle" and then, yeah, it makes absolute sense that you can do a mixture.

I do get the pedantry over specific definitions (you mentioned a spectrum 🤐) but when the majority of people have started using a word to mean a different definition, it is a bit confusing if you insist on sticking to the original definition when 99% of people are using it to mean something else.

BertieBotts · 17/06/2024 12:32

Traditional weaning is purées from 4 months and purées plus finger food from 6 months.

You keep saying this though OP and I have no idea where it comes from. Where has this idea come from? It doesn't ring true to me and I'm the kind of boring nerd who has read all kinds of stuff about baby weaning from different periods/cultures.

dastardlyglobetrotter · 17/06/2024 12:35

User79853257976 · 17/06/2024 11:53

The point is you can but don’t call it BLW.

But at the point where I put that food on the high chair and let them I am baby led weaning - even if for their next meal I spoon feed them.

same with combi feeding. I can breast feed them and then bottle for the next feed. I still breast fed for one and bottle for the other.

exhausting work even explaining this.

ohtowinthelottery · 17/06/2024 12:39

I don't get why the label 'baby led weaning' exists at all. My youngest is 27 now. Back in the day it was just 'weaning'. Funnily enough their eating skills developed just fine and they grew up to eat a varied diet and be able to use cutlery.
I'm afraid I frequently roll my eyes at some of the 'labels ' talked about for parenting. 'Tummy time' is another one! Like we never put our babies on their tummies! We did, we just didn't need to give it a name. Seems to me all this 'labelling' just gives parents another stick to beat themselves with if they aren't 'performing '.

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 12:41

BertieBotts · 17/06/2024 12:19

I think you have to understand the original intent of BLW and the context that it occurred in - the original book was published in 2008 and Gill Rapley was doing her HV work in the 70s, 80s and 90s - the culture of parenting, particularly of babies/toddlers was very different then. It was seen as a parent's job to get food into the child, cajoling "just one more, good girl" was normal, persuading them using little games like "Here comes the choo choo train!" was totally normal, expecting (older) children to clear their plate was normal, bribing with pudding, or punishment for refusing food was normal, force feeding was sometimes considered acceptable to some people, (I find this very shocking!) the idea that you'd let them run the show and decide whether to eat or not was just completely alien to most people. Gill, working as a HV, frequently encountered babies/young children who were fussy and refused to eat but they didn't have any physical problems - she felt that they were just reacting to the way they were being fed, which was adult-led and not taking their preferences or reactions into account.

That's why she came up with the idea of baby-led weaning and letting children have more control over whether they ate or not (similar to e.g. Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility, which was described in her book published in the 80s but seems less well known in the UK) and then this kind of naturally led to a place where - OK if we are letting the child have control over their food intake, do we even really need to spoon feed them purees at all or could they eat ordinary food? She cites her own master's degree, where she studied how babies ate when given control over the whole thing plus the change in guidance in 2002 (4 months to 6 months) as being her catalyst for this aspect of the BLW approach. Although she maintains she did not invent it and only gave it a name/studied it.

I think the entire culture is different now and the messaging we get around babies/parenting, including topics like feeding is very different. I don't know what other parents felt like in the 00s, but I had a baby in 2008 and it wouldn't have occurred to me to do anything else but be respectful of his experience and follow his lead when I was introducing food, even if I'd never heard of BLW which I did thanks to MN Grin

So the idea of letting babies be in control of what they eat and taking their feelings into account isn't especially radical or surprising any more. I think most people introduce solids in a respectful way, regardless of what method they use. The surprising and radical-seeming part is using whole foods rather than purees, and so that's what people assume BLW is. To an extent I would say that in 2024, that IS the distinction between traditional/puree weaning and BLW - because these days if you are bribing, cajoling, praising for amounts eaten, distracting a child so they'll eat, doing "three more pieces of brocolli to get pudding", expecting a cleared plate etc, people will say this is bad parenting, you're giving them a complex over food, and as for punishment for not eating, or force feeding - I'd call this abusive, and I think most parents today would.

So BLW becomes a shorthand for "solid foods a 6m+ baby can handle" and then, yeah, it makes absolute sense that you can do a mixture.

I do get the pedantry over specific definitions (you mentioned a spectrum 🤐) but when the majority of people have started using a word to mean a different definition, it is a bit confusing if you insist on sticking to the original definition when 99% of people are using it to mean something else.

That's interesting! Yes the term BLW for a lot of people does now seem to mean 'finger food'.

OP posts:
Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 12:42

Marmose · 17/06/2024 12:15

For me the problem with BLW as a philosophy is that there is no correlation between a baby’s physical ability to feed itself and its nutritional needs.

Yeh that's not true though, actually the opposite!

OP posts:
Rosecoffeecup · 17/06/2024 12:46

Can't believe you have given this enough thought to start a thread on it. Who actually cares?

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 12:48

OolongTeaDrinker · 17/06/2024 10:59

Doesn't loads of food get wasted then? Mine at least were more interested in playing with food rather than eating it, but would eat happily if spoon-fed. Sounds like an endeavour for only the most patient of parents!

You just give them small amounts. No different to them not finishing the whole purée really in terms of waste, and as it's the same food as the adults are eating it's just gets finished by them anyway if not eaten by child.

OP posts:
annabofana · 17/06/2024 12:53

BLW is a pile of shit and just another way for a certain type of mother to try and feel superior to others.

I fell for it when my first was at that stage and I was feeling vulnerable, and all that shit just made me feel worse.

I was "pre-loading" spoons and handing them to my 6 month old, who was promptly throwing them on the floor. Ashamed to say I then shouted at my sister when she held a spoon to his mouth.

Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.

TheKeatingFive · 17/06/2024 12:56

I still remember by friend making 'porridge fingers' because she'd banned spoons. What a faff. She laughs her leg off about that now.

Universalrehearsal · 17/06/2024 12:59

Doing 'a bit of' BLW is a whole philosophy in itself, didn't you know? It means you let them feed themselves for some of the time. Like how doing a bit of vegetarianism means eating no meat in some of your meals. Wink

poetryandwine · 17/06/2024 13:02

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 12:48

You just give them small amounts. No different to them not finishing the whole purée really in terms of waste, and as it's the same food as the adults are eating it's just gets finished by them anyway if not eaten by child.

I am not against BLW and I am not overly finicky, but I don’t find food that’s been chewed, pulled apart, dropped on the floor, etc by even my favourite babies terribly appetising, thanks.

Lkjhgdsrtgbjjm · 17/06/2024 13:13

Has anyone dared mention baby led potty training. 🫣
I got my kids potty trained as soon as possible if I'd left it to them it would have taken a lot longer. Obviously you can't force a kid to be potty trained if they aren't physically able but otherwise I think it's in their interests to do it as soon as possible.

It's not in the interests of little kids to be walking around in dirty nappies. When I read on Mumsnet about posters waiting for toddlers to let you know when they are ready I really think they are missing a trick.

And just to be clear I know not all kids are able to be potty trained as early as others.

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 13:16

TheKeatingFive · 17/06/2024 12:56

I still remember by friend making 'porridge fingers' because she'd banned spoons. What a faff. She laughs her leg off about that now.

Lol yes that sounds a faff. Banning spoons is nothing to do with BLW though. You just make porridge for yourself and baby, then either let them use hands or preload spoon for them to hold, while you get on with eating yours. Rather than having to make them separate food, or sitting them spoon feeding them.

OP posts:
Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 13:24

Lkjhgdsrtgbjjm · 17/06/2024 13:13

Has anyone dared mention baby led potty training. 🫣
I got my kids potty trained as soon as possible if I'd left it to them it would have taken a lot longer. Obviously you can't force a kid to be potty trained if they aren't physically able but otherwise I think it's in their interests to do it as soon as possible.

It's not in the interests of little kids to be walking around in dirty nappies. When I read on Mumsnet about posters waiting for toddlers to let you know when they are ready I really think they are missing a trick.

And just to be clear I know not all kids are able to be potty trained as early as others.

I did my DS at just over 3 years old, it took a weekend. Tried at 2.5 and quickly realised it would take about 6 months to do it plus a lot of stress for him and me! I think it's hard for working parents to do it particularly early too, as nurseries and childminders don't have the time to continue it and insist on putting them in pull ups.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 17/06/2024 13:25

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 13:16

Lol yes that sounds a faff. Banning spoons is nothing to do with BLW though. You just make porridge for yourself and baby, then either let them use hands or preload spoon for them to hold, while you get on with eating yours. Rather than having to make them separate food, or sitting them spoon feeding them.

According to your arbitrary rules about BLW, sure.

But according to hers, no spoons was a key aspect. Like you, she was wanted to do it 'right' and that led to porridge finger ridiculousness.

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 13:25

Universalrehearsal · 17/06/2024 12:59

Doing 'a bit of' BLW is a whole philosophy in itself, didn't you know? It means you let them feed themselves for some of the time. Like how doing a bit of vegetarianism means eating no meat in some of your meals. Wink

That didn't need a new name though, it's just traditional weaning.

OP posts:
PoppyCherryDog · 17/06/2024 13:29

Hinkuy · 17/06/2024 08:50

Who cares? Why be so pedantic about it?

This sums it up well. Why does it matter??? And you can do a mix of both… just like breastfeeding and formula or do you get annoyed at mums who do both too and say their babies are breastfed???

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 13:31

TheKeatingFive · 17/06/2024 13:25

According to your arbitrary rules about BLW, sure.

But according to hers, no spoons was a key aspect. Like you, she was wanted to do it 'right' and that led to porridge finger ridiculousness.

I mean they are not arbitrary. The term was coined by the author of this book and the method is really clearly set out. It wasn't about me wanting to do it 'right', circumstances meant I had a lot going on at the time, talk of purées/when to introduce what foods, timelines of veg first, then fruit then etc seemed completely overwhelming. Was barely managing to feed myself let alone create separate food. Then read this book and thought - that sounds much easier!! And the whole thing turned out to be positive and enjoyable,with no stress about what he was or wasn't eating.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-led-Weaning-Helping-Your-Baby/dp/0091923808

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 17/06/2024 13:37

Londonforestmum · 17/06/2024 13:31

I mean they are not arbitrary. The term was coined by the author of this book and the method is really clearly set out. It wasn't about me wanting to do it 'right', circumstances meant I had a lot going on at the time, talk of purées/when to introduce what foods, timelines of veg first, then fruit then etc seemed completely overwhelming. Was barely managing to feed myself let alone create separate food. Then read this book and thought - that sounds much easier!! And the whole thing turned out to be positive and enjoyable,with no stress about what he was or wasn't eating.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-led-Weaning-Helping-Your-Baby/dp/0091923808

You don't seem to be getting it though. There is no agreed definition of what BLW entails - clearly evidenced on this thread already - so you clinging to yours as the 'right' one (and getting annoyed because others don't agree with you) is silly and pointless.

Like my friend, I'm sure you'll look back at yourself and laugh one day.

7175McGee · 17/06/2024 13:39

Once you've had a couple of kids you realise what a load on absolute bollocks this all is. Although it feels like the most important thing in the world at the time.

I spoon fed mine because I valued my sanity too much to have to deal with the mess. Sometimes I even spoon fed them straight from an Ella's pouch (the horror!) If they wanted to feed themselves, I'd let them hold a rice cake in the buggy.

My youngest is 12 now. He comes home from school, makes himself a sandwich and eats it lying on the sofa - see, he can feed himself! Job done.