The difference between cancer life as a royal and as a "lesser mortal"

[sixtyandsomething]

not to derail other threads..

I have nothing against the Princess of Wales, I am sure she is a lovely person and I wish her well. however, let's not pretend she is facing the same struggles as the rest of us.

I bet you £10 she hasn't had to deal with any of these! (feel free to add your own)

-40+ calls to DWP, often being left on hold for 2 hours or more
-many months delay in benefits being processed, leaving you without any income at all
-DWP advising you to "find a food bank"
-struggle up the hill on crutches to get a bus to chemo
-appointments delayed and cancelled, blood tests lost and repeated, regular system "crashes" leaving medical staff with no access to your notes.
-never seeing the same medical professionals twice.
-consultant appointments cancelled when you have already travelled several hours to the hospital
-telephone appointments you have to sit and wait by the phone for, for the whole day
-worry on crammed full bus when you are CEV
-getting off bus because it is too full
-getting of bus because you are vomiting
-sitting on the pavement for 3-4 hours after chemo in the dark and rain, because you are CEV and don't want to get back on a crammed bus in the rush hour
-commuters swearing at you because you move too slowly
-commuter kicking you out of the way because you move to slowly, and doing it with an air of indignation, like they feel seriously injured by having to touch something so disgusting with their foot
-minimum 18 hour wait in A and E before being admitted with infection - once it was 28 hours
-further many hour wait in ER before being admitted to wards.
-spending night on chair in corridor, after being admitted to a ward
-being asked to vacate chair in corridor so doctor can perform ECG on patient who is currently standing up with nowhere to sit
-being warned by hospital staff to sleep in your glasses so they are not stolen
-having to buy a constant stream of new clothes, and having to go to charity shops - on steroids? go up two sizes, no chemo? go down 3- surgery? get front opening everything, in a range of sizes.
-not being able have a clean the house, wash up, open the window even, without calling a friend to come and help.
-council refusing to empty your bins because you are not capable of moving them to the right place at the right time
-giving away your pets because you can't take care of them, or afford them
-being told the waiting list to see a physiotherapist is around a year

I could go on

I am so grateful for the treatment I have had, and I hope the Princess of Wales does well and recovers, but the two situations are not the same, even slightly, even if the disease is.

YABU to take ANY notice of that stupid woman (Allison Pearson)
All she has done is make hundreds of people feel worse.

I do hope that things improve for you , you have highlighted things in your post that many would never have thought about

All the best

Yes all of that is still easier than having no transport for treatment or money for food. Obviously. Rich people problems are just that. “Lesser mortals” have it harder in many ways. And most of the royal family wouldn’t lend you a fiver for a taxi to hospital (or piss on you if you were on fire) so why people feel the need to jump to their defence is baffling. They are nothing like normal. Their struggles are real for them because they have no frame of reference or awareness of what real hardship is.

Most of that has nothing to do with not being a royal, but maybe where you live. I can't imagine people round here kicking someone out of the way because they're a bit slow. Or any of the other vile behaviour.

It didn’t take long for the envious bitter attacks to start did it. Why don’t posters pop over to twitter and relish in the venom there.

I think everyone who says similar is being unreasonable- she’s still worrying about her health and her kids and how they’d deal with anything happening. A life threatening illness still comes down to the same nuts and bolts for everyone

Absolutely. Attacking a woman with cancer doesn’t get any lower. A mother with three young kids. It’s shocking.

I totally get you OP. It's not that you're saying she has it easy - surgery and chemo and radiation are hideous for everyone, but she doesn't have the extra horrendous stress and difficulty faced by people in your position. But sure, she's doing cancer well. Isn't she inspiring you?
It's like people telling you how they think their positivity helped them win their battle with cancer. Well, it certainly won't have hurt but it's a lot easier to be positive when you don't have financial concerns or the fear and uncertainty of treatment being delayed and the rest of your life being a struggle even without the cancer. And there's no evidence that a positive attitude does diddly squat to stop cancer cells spreading.

but I think it does a disservice to those going through the same as her or worse, who are utterly exhausted, depressed, weak and generally cancer patient-ish and needing to stay off work.

Are you saying she shouldn't have gone to work in case it makes others feel bad?

To be fair the princess didn't say that.

It was a particularly thick, and "will write anything for money" newspaper columnist.

A mother with three young kids

Why do people keep saying this?! I don't get it! If she didn't have 3 kids would it matter less? Does having reproduced make your cancer sadder?

Many people's experience of cancer treatment on the NHS would be different from the OP's, as so much depends on what is available in your area and what support you have at home. My DH had cancer and did not experience a single thing on the OP's list. We are not rich.

I was there to be DH's dietitian, do life admin, drive to hospital appointments, and do domestic chores etc. To suggest that cancer sufferers are either on benefits and without support like the OP or a Royal is a nonsense. There are many people in-between so why buy into that rediculous comparison?

I'm sorry that you have cancer and are finding things difficult OP. My DH had surgery, chemo and radiation. He didn't want to die but he did. In hospital.

Yes - not the Princess of Wales herself who is spouting this garbage about herself.

I thought that she had abdominal surgery and that unexpectedly some cancerous cells were discovered after the surgery.
And that post operative chemo was instigated as a treatment to prevent reoccurance. Which is different from suffering from cancer and having treatment to diminish or eradicate it.
She has said she is making "good progress"so I presume this is a reference to the surgery , it seems an odd term(to me ) to use about chemotherapy. She says she's not out of the woods- maybe this is a reference to not having completed or got over the lasting effects of chemotherapy. Or maybe she's waiting for scans and results.
So many of us have been there and I know which position I'd been in white going through it - rich and able to withdraw from my normal life , not poor ,dealing with a overwhelmed NHS .
It's a shame the POW is having preventative chemo. It's horrific that the OP Is having the worst of times while seeing how the POW has it so easy by comparison.

But sure, she's doing cancer well.

@mibbelucieachwell , sorry but how on earth do you know if she's doing 'cancer well'?

That's such an ignorant comment.

You have no idea how she's feeling or what sort of depths of despair she reaches when she's alone.

This is why they live to ripe old ages, the stress and anxiety of normal every day living is at a minimum, as planning dinners, childcare, everything is done for them. When they are seriously ill, theres no waiting for appointments, they don't they have to drive around looking for parking (thinking of Barts etc...) they get quick treatment , no cancelled appointments and go home to having dinners cooked for them and the childrens clothes washed and ironed.
I feel so sad for princess kate, the same as I do for others battling this dreadful disease.

YA(mostly)NBU - BUT she still has cancer.

And she shouldn’t have looked good.

sickening post.

They keep saying it because having cancer when you have 3 young children, could possibly leave those 3 young children without a mother, which would be devastating for those children.

But I'm sure you know that.

I'm not sure why your address trying to compare. Everyone's struggle is different. She has had to do it in the public eye with constant speculation and criticism, comments on her appearance.

My mum was not wealthy but didn't experience some of the things you did.

No one.

She has completely twisted and misconstrued something said by someone who doesn't know her.

Cancer is absolutely shit for everyone that is suffering. The fact that some people live in more comfortable circumstances than others doesn't mean it isn't completely and utterly shit for them too.

I would swap with any healthy person who wasn't having to go through the cancer nightmare.

I don't think to myself "This cancer and terminal diagnosis is nothing really, because I have money, status and wealth." I am aware that I am more comfortable materially than many people, but it is little comfort in the circumstances.

Money and privilege mean nothing when you are facing the prospect of leaving your children motherless. When you are suffering what seem like endless rounds of chemotherapy after having half your insides ripped from your body.

We don't know exactly how ill the princess is, or what her prognosis is, but everything we have seen and heard suggests it's not great.

The OP is doing to the Princess of Wales what she has accused some article writer of doing to her. Pretending she is better person.

No one is better than anyone else. I read the reference to a "lesser mortal" meaning Catherine herself had she not appeared in front of the world yesterday, which I agree is crass, but not aimed at me or OP.

I'm certainly not self-absorbed enough to think she was talking about me or some other anonymous person on Mumsnet.

Exactly
Some of these posts are 🙄
Must be doing cancer well because well because she's got money and staff, innit, ffs
She'll still have worries, or depression and emotions
You don't just magically cope better because you can look good in a hat and pretty dress and have money

Dealing with cancer is terrible for everyone regardless. However, recently, I’ve known people close to me who have had completely different experiences and support.

Mother (now in remission thankfully) had superb NHS treatment.

Late Sister-in-law who had almost no support and treatment was too little too late.

Friend who was similar to sister-in-law, but had funds to get a few private consultations and “jump” queue a little.

These examples are just down to postcode lotteries. Imagine the differences being a rich, popular royal would make.

I have the upmost sympathy for Catherine. But she has not got the same stresses, hurdles and limitations to treatment that us normal people have.

Obviously, she’s right to take advantage of every opportunity open to her - we’d all do the same. But, I take issue with the fact she is being portrayed as someone stronger and braver than everyone else fighting this.

Correct, if anyone has had personal experience or dealt with elderly relatives in hospital then they will know that it is a very difficult and hit and miss experience. And that's kind of the point, it's haphazard and inconsistent, seemingly disorganised and frightening not to mention frustrating, these are the things that will grind the average person down. I hope she gets better, and is treated well, as I hope everyone who is ill is,she definitely will be, other mere mortals well it's the luck of the draw, and it shouldn't be. When my mother was very ill and constantly in and out of hospital I was in a constant state of anxiety because I didn't know what would greet me when I visited. Sometimes she was was ok and being treated well, other times ignored whilst in pain , needing toilet etc. it made me very ill as well with the worry. On the last day before she died I turned up to the ward and she was screaming in pain whilst staff seemingly walked by oblivious, I erupted at this point because it was traumatic. I could go on , but OP I get it, hope you get well and find some ease to your situation.

Yep, this.

The majority of us would struggle with having canceer treatment, raising a family and with a loss of income.

Kate does not have to worry about ANY of that, she just has to worry about getting better. I wish her all the best, but the press fanning over her is nauseating.

She absolutely does have it easier. Did you read what the OP wrote? Has Kate had to do any of those things? Of course she hasn't. She has the best care (our) money can buy and doesn't need to do a single thing for herself. Let's not pretend otherwise.