Can you give me some good phrases to use on these kids?

[2024ccz]

Kids are year 5 I think. Everytime I pick up my child they will walk with me and my children and say random silly things such as on Friday one said I told him my daughters birthday is October (it’s actually August!). I have no idea who these kids are and I can 100% say I have never had a conversation with this boy! I ignored him and just smiled and focused on my kids. They kept walking with us I kept smiling. I know it sounds ridiculous that I’m bothered but you imagine putting up with this for past year on almost weekly basis.

There was a TA walking along behind us too. How would you react? My DD had no idea who they are but said she sees them in after school club sometimes. Would you speak to the school? I’m thinking not as I will sound crazy! I’m thinking next time I’ll politely say something but what?

How many boys? Do you feel intimidated? What year is your DD in? Are they mocking you?
Do they happen to be walking your way?

A pack of 5 boys swarming round you is really hideous and would make me feel really uncomfortable.

School do have a legal obligation to ensure safety in the way to and from school (can't quote a source but I'm. A secondary teacher and have picked it up somehow- think it's true)

Speak to the school - state you feel annoyed/ uncomfortable / intimidated/ mocked/ harassed by these kids.

I’m autistic too and would also feel uncomfortable - they are pretty certainly taking the p* because they’re sensing your awkwardness or because they already harass your child in school. I’d suggest not smiling at them - you’re showing your weakness as there is no reason to smile, they’re acting like arseholes and you’re showing them you don’t know how to deal with it. It’s tricky to say anything as they’re not technically doing much wrong… I bet they’re horribly clever bullies in school. Can you find out more about them from your child (are they in she same class/year group?). That might inform your response a bit (if they were bullying my child in school I’d want be more firm with them/speak to school… it’s worth gently having a chat with your child to see if there is anything going on). Don’t engage with them - but total blanking will probably amuse them too as they’ll keep trying for a reaction. ‘I don’t know who you are or why you’re walking with us, but that’s enough silliness now. Run along and leave us in peace.’

In secondary school I was frequently followed by kids like this. On the surface they were making normal comments but in fact mocking.
It's intimidation and bullying.

You would be doing the world a favour by dealing with this now, for example by asking their names and reporting to class teacher. You are an adult and should have the power over them. You might put them off doing it to kids who are on their own in future.

What they are doing is asserting that you don't have a choice about whether to interact with them. That's why they are trying to trap you into responding to nonsense about birthdays on October of whatever.

They are practicing to be men who dominate and menace women when they grow up.

Thank you all. I do feel they are bullying me and my DD. I didn’t want t to write the word as people on AIBU latch onto words and I sometimes can’t explain how I’m feeling but I feel bullying and mocking are the right words. They don’t do it openly it’s more subtle. My DD is year 3.

As a teacher I would say
Stop smiling. Go with neutral expression.
Stop and allow them to go on ahead
If they continue I would speak to the school.

They shouldn't be interacting with adults they don't know anyway sounds like they are being cheeky in any case.

I had kids do this to me at school too. Adults never understood what the problem was, when we saw them in town my mum would say "She seemed nice!" but she wasn't being nice, they would say hello and whatever I did back it was the wrong response. They wouldn't laugh at me in front of my mum but if it happened at school then they would openly laugh at whatever my response was or if I said nothing they would keep berating me for ages until I went away or said something. Both would provoke laughter.

I have ADHD and I think I just came across as "weird" and they found it hilarious. I didn't tell a teacher because I didn't really want to draw attention to it.

I like to think I would handle it differently as an adult but I don't actually know

If they walk alongside you, stop walking and say clearly and firmly, 'I want to talk to my dd now, so I need you to go away please.'

Stop smiling at them and let them know you don't want them there. If they carry on tell them you will tell the teacher who will tell their parents. And do tell the teacher. I don't know why you're smiling at them? that will encourage them.

Thank you all. Really good advice

Nothing worse that a load of cocky kids who are over familiar with adults they don't know. Tell them straight to go on ahead and stop bothering you. There will be a ringleader

Because they are in the years above her DD and go to the after school club. They are taking the piss and if they get a reaction, they'll target her DD. They are going to be a nightmare in high school.

I'd correct them. My dds birthday is on this day, when s yours? We're only talking a few minutes of time, why not engage? And you may find that your smile comes more naturally then.

Just to add, dc of that age are often silly. It's not the big deal you or some other posters are making it out to be.

Don't smile. Tell them to stop it and warn them that if they don't, you will be speaking to the headteacher about them.

I'm not in uk so not sure what age year 5 is? Is that 8/9? Either way I think it's quite intimidating and repetitive behaviour. I would firmly say, you are making us uncomfortable, can you go please and then I would escalate it to the school if it continues.

They have been doing this to her the same day for a whole year. It's not silly behaviour. And either way it's making her uncomfortable

Just to add, dc of that age are often silly. It's not the big deal you or some other posters are making it out to be.

If you think there aren't Y5 or 6 children who would do this kind of thing in order to deliberately make the OP or her dd uncomfortable, you are sadly mistaken. The OP clearly feels they are doing it in this way. They need to learn that it's not ok and that adults see their behaviour for what it is, and do not just let them get away with it.

I would stop and say ‘we’ll let you go ahead’ and then I would wait and wait until they pissed off. If they continue to hang around and won’t leave you alone then I think this crosses into hassling you and I would talk to the school.

OP, I'm a year 5 teacher so I know very well how some year 5 children can behave.

If they are intending to intimidate you on the way home, the likelihood is that their behaviour will be on the school's radar already.

If a parent of a child in another year (or my year!) told me what you've told us here, it would be taken seriously.

And I wouldn't worry about not knowing their names either. As soon as you start to explain what is happening, the school will know exactly who you are talking about.

Their intent here doesn't matter. They need to learn to leave people alone who don't want to talk to them. They can go and be silly someplace else. Op doesn't need to indulge their 'childish silliness', or annoying behaviour which is verging on becoming a pattern of bullying.

I would ignore them, cross the road, go a different route, double back. Then if it continues you will have something concrete to report to the school, that these children are following you everywhere you go.

Just slow up until you get eye contact with the mouthiest ones, go to their level, smile and say "Are you walking with a parent, no... Okay you go ahead, yes walk ahead of us now, off you go, thank you so much everyone, goodbye." Repeat every time.
I'd be suspicious as to why your dc doesn't know who they are. Is there another school nearby or a unit in your school. They could just have got into a silly routine, like your DD so showing off but I'd want to be sure they aren't causing her a problem in school.

What have they said that makes you think they're mocking or bullying you? Yr5's can be little shits but saying your dd's birthday is October is hardly bullying. They're probably just bored and trying to get someone to engage with them, so if they say something untrue they think you'll reply no it's August or whatever.

They may be annoying and you might not want to engage but unless you're missing a lot out I can't see what's bullying here. You say kids but don't say how many, are we talking 2 or a large group? That makes quite a difference as a large group will feel more intimidating.

I would try chatting normally to them next time, ask them their names if they're walking home from school, what they've done at school etc You'll soon see then what their motivation is. It might be that you ignoring them has become a game of trying to get you to engage. If you do ask them a few questions they'll probably quickly get bored and move on to something or someone else.

Don't smile at them any more op. It does sound like they've made a bit of a game of trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm a teacher so I'd be quite confident at telling them to go away but appreciate that might be tougher for you.

I think the stop and tell them to walk on might be good advice and if they persist point out you'd prefer to walk alone and if they still continue say something like:

"Right, this is bordering on very silly now boys. Shall we go back to school and speak to a teacher about this? I'm sure they would be very disappointed to hear this is how you are representing your school"

Then do go back to the school and report them.

This is bad advice.

It would be taken as a safeguarding concern by school if an adult was making conversation with unrelated/unknown children like this. the best thing to do is to ignore questions, tell them to go away and let school know if it continues.