Reception new starters WhatsApp group

[Biscuithoover]

My son is joining reception at primary school this year and the class WhatsApp has already been formed!
The other new parents are introducing themselves on there. My question is, do I just get it out the way and share that my son has a diagnosis of autism now? I feel a bit uncomfortable sharing personal info, but equally I don’t want him to be misunderstood and thought of as the “naughty one” if kids go home and report that he isn’t sitting still/is making funny noises etc, so as much as I feel uncomfortable sharing personal info I also kind of think if he’s going to get labelled as something anyway it might as well be an accurate label?
what would you do? Thanks!

Don't say anything at this stage. When the party invites come out if your son needs accomodations discuss it with the parents on a 1:1 need to know basis. The kids won't care about his diagnosis which in turn means the parents won't care.

Unless it’s a very small class, it’s almost certain that he won’t be the only neurodivergent child although some may be undiagnosed and their parents still unaware.

There are lots of neurotypical children who fidget and struggle in Reception purely because they are still so young and undeveloped.

What are your concerns about his behaviour with others? Is he prone to lashing out and having meltdowns or is it more likely he will have shutdowns and take himself away from a situation he isn’t comfortable in? If it’s the former, you might as well give those in the class the heads up because the parents will very quickly hear things and it gives them a chance to explain how some children find certain situations more difficult it’ll and overwhelming than others.

God no, don’t announce it to a bunch of strangers! It’s only one aspect of who he is — don’t make it the defining one so early on. Let him settle in and make friends, and if his autism is relevant to a particular situation (eg at a playdate the hosting parents may need to know if he has sensory issues around food) you can inform people as needed. There may be a couple of people in the group who are clued up about autism but there’s still an awful lot of ignorance about it, so I’d tread carefully. I’d suggest speaking to his teacher about how best to deal with any questions other kids might have about your DS, eg the fact he has 1:1, may have meltdowns, etc. Most of my autistic DD’s teachers have been good at this, but we had one who basically told her classmates she wasn’t like them and needed them all to help her, which she found immensely patronising and embarrassing.
As an aside, well done for getting an EHCP sorted so early!

If it will make you feel less anxious to say something, then say something, I doubt it will do any harm, and most people are accepting. For the ones that aren't, I don't think there's a perfect way to handle things that will make it all okay, to be honest.

I think if it were me, I would treat it like something like asthma though- I wouldn't feel the need to make a big announcement, but obviously I would tell parents as and when it was relevant e.g. before a playdate or birthday party if I thought it would be a problem. That might include something like "I don't think Johnny can come to the party at the farm as it would trigger his asthma" or "Johnny would love to come to play football, would it be okay to leave an inhaler with you or another adult who is staying as he may need it". Some people may also notice and figure it out without you telling them, which is not a bad thing.

I get that it's not necessarily so obvious, but if he has a 1:1 and a part time timetable, then people will know there's something- but you don't have to tell them what until you're ready/comfortable.

I really love what StrawberryJeans put. If I, as a parent, read that, I would instantly warm to that person for keeping their introduction friendly, open and positive.
I work in Primary with several ASD children and each one is very different with hugely differing needs. In my experience, the rest of the class are so accepting, even very young children are capable of recognising differences and making adjustments and allowances.
If you are open from the start, the parents are more prepared to have a conversation with their own children if they do happen to come home saying there's someone who's being a bit 'naughty'

Wait until you get to know people before you start sharing your son's private business with them. With how ignorant people can be, it might just set him up for failure from the start.

I like what strawberryjeans suggested too. If you are unsure, wait and access the situation.

A mum in our class has been very open about her son having autism. He struggles socially and I’ve made a huge effort to ensure that my son has some understanding of him and I always ensure he’s included in birthday party invites ect…

Apart from those other parents of children with SEND, I'm surprised there are so many parents so confident that you must say anything. It's up to you OP and needs to be a decision you are comfortable with. There are times when things would be simpler if parents were aware of children's diagnoses; equally I understand it's sharing private information and that's a big decision. I also think the overall tone of the thread is that you're sharing something negative and that's not necessarily true either.

Oh, and our WhatsApp has been used for invitations for class parties. I'd just join and you can always leave and mute it. Not all are the disasters some posters are making out. My real life is a hell of a lot less dramatic than some MNers seem to constantly experience.