Reception new starters WhatsApp group

[Biscuithoover]

My son is joining reception at primary school this year and the class WhatsApp has already been formed!
The other new parents are introducing themselves on there. My question is, do I just get it out the way and share that my son has a diagnosis of autism now? I feel a bit uncomfortable sharing personal info, but equally I don’t want him to be misunderstood and thought of as the “naughty one” if kids go home and report that he isn’t sitting still/is making funny noises etc, so as much as I feel uncomfortable sharing personal info I also kind of think if he’s going to get labelled as something anyway it might as well be an accurate label?
what would you do? Thanks!

I would immediately decline or leave the group. I’m super friendly but would find this just another annoyance and stressful situation I do not need in my life

I wouldnt. Generally school whatsapp groups are useful for reminders about non uniform days, last day to hand a form in etc. and the occasional night out. It is good to know who is the parent of which child but probably not the place to share such information.

Ok so general consensus is no don’t announce it in the WhatsApp group 😂summer meet-ups are already being planned, do I just wait until DS starts doing something that makes them do a double take or do I tell them on arrival to avoid them misunderstanding his behaviour?

It's a personal choice so do whatever you are comfortable with but I don't think it's necessary to tell them just yet. There is a child in my sons class who has ASD. It became obvious fairly on, but the mum didn't disclose anything in the group.

Out WhatsApp is great, there is no gossip. It's used to share useful updates, events in the area, reminders for non-uniform days and holiday clubs etc. It has helped me a number of times.

I'd hold on. I'm fairly open about DS but he was well in to school before being diagnosed. I've told him that being open about it is a good arsehole filter, but if you have got some arsehole parents in the group it's a long time to be stuck with them.

I'd let the information emerge in due course.

You don’t have to tell them anything.

It’s autism. Not a deadly airborne virus.

I wouldn't say anything.

A diagnosis at age 4 or 5 is quite rare so you are unlikely to find others on the same position.

Some people may form preconceived ideas about your son based on that and may steer their own children away if they don't understand it fully.

I speak from experience as my own son was diagnosed with autism and ADHD aged 9.

Let things happen organically and tell people as you feel you need to (playdates and parties etc).

I would leave it for the time being. I am trying to remember when mine found out about their friends and I think it was probably a year or two in.

Their school did some work about ND, and some older children talked about how sometimes they need to go to the sensory room or for a run etc.

I have two sons NT they both have a number of friends who are ND. I know this will sound a bit "wrong" but they genuinely forget, and their friend "Bob" is ND. One is sixteen now and "Bob" being "Bob" and that includes the early challenging meltdowns, late to verbalise, etc. And thankfully,"Bobs" Marvel knowledge had won them many quizzes.

I hope your son finds lovely friends. I know for parents the the early days can be rough but thankfully a lot more awareness is out there

I wouldn't introduce myself. Save introductions for in-person meetings. I would just use it for important information like school trios, homework etc

I think at that age, you kind of notice which kids are usually paired up with a teaching assistant getting one to one support and physical reassurance, or have special arrangements made for them. I've never seen a diagnosis shared in a class WhatsApp group. But I have enough of a rough idea that if my kid said "Johnny is naughty, he always does X", I could explain in a general, age-appropriate way that everyone's different and some children find it hard to do XYZ etc.

Parents in my DCs' classes have mentioned it in passing on class Tapestry posts, which I guess is a middle way in terms of sharing the info.

There are at least three DC with autism in each of their classes. Some of the parents are very open and matter of fact about it which I think helps break down barriers.

Personally I find it a bit odd when children are clearly acting outside the norm and parents don't acknowledge it in any way.

He has a formal diagnosis and an EHCP recommending constant supervision, and will be starting school initially on a reduced timetable (mornings only) to hopefully help settle him in. For the last couple of weeks I’ve started taking him for short visits to the classroom a couple of times a week when I pick my older child up to try and orientate him to the classroom/teacher.
I feel so nervous about him starting school and how it’s all going to go for him and I just don’t know what would be the best thing to do, tell the other parents so they don’t think “that kids naughty etc!” or just not say anything unless it comes out in conversation?

I wouldn't explain anything, these people don't need to know all about him.

And try not to bother with the WhatApp group, they are often a total nightmare. Summer meetups etc. all sounds a little over the top - it is far better to just send them to school and let them find their way once there. The parents who organise all this extra stuff are often the ones your really want to avoid!

I wouldn't. Let him be. It's hard enough with out announcing a label

Depends what it is, and whether it impacts on other children. Are there any aggressive behaviours?

The children will be a wide range of ages, some may not even be 4 yet, and display behaviours appropriate for a 3 year old, the children will vary hugely anyway.

My youngest is in reception now, and a summer born, and also quite 'emotional', and our first meet up before she started was a disaster. She cried, shouted, asked to leave several times, kept saying 'poo poo wee wee bum fart'. Her teacher has mentioned ADHD to us, although we haven't yet pursued a formal assessment. It has had absolutely no impact on her 'journey' she is very popular, been to many many playdates and parties. There was no judgment from other children or parents, no questions and no need for us to explain anything.

I feel so nervous about him starting school and how it’s all going to go for him
This is natural but the best thing to do is to focus on staying calm and not focus on things you can't control.

As awful as it is to say - some of the other parents could be absolute shockers.

Your DS might manage school fine or might find it very tough.

You can't control it, you'll have to respond to what happens

Personally, I wouldn’t. My little one has a significant medical condition, for which he also has an EHCP, but I’m determined not to make it that that is the prevailing fact that he is known for.
It will come in time I’m sure, but he deserves to be known for all his other amazing attributes, not labelled as ‘oh, yes, that X, he’s the one with Y need’. No one will mean to be so blunt, but with so many names and new faces, it will happen.
Give it time, let him identify a little group, share when you feel comfortable with the other parents.

This was me last year, I didn't say anything.

I've only mentioned when speaking at gates or parties and similar has came into conversation

I can’t agree more. I have no idea why this would be an advantage to any parent of a child this age. Generally there’s no need to get everyone into your pocket. The school will keep you up to date.

the only one I’ve ever been part of was the parents organising the leavers party. I knew none of them.

none of them needed to know my daughters diagnosis’ . Bugger all to do with them

We have a boy with 1:1 in our class, no idea why. His mother has never said anything and I've never asked because it's not relevant to me at all. I recently had to advise a party that we'd have a child whose parent would accompany them and the party planner asked why and I realised I have no idea why or what his diagnosis is. But it's really nothing to do with me. My ds knows he has 1:1 and needs help in school and will leave the class when he needs to and has different rules to the rest and has never asked why he's just accepted it. There's another boy with autism who's mother I'm friendly with and she's shared his diagnosis but again it's not really relevant to me other than in a support capacity as a friend to her. Some kids names constantly come up with being "naughty" and getting in trouble with teacher but as a parent I wouldn't assume anything about them.

No, don't share your child's private medical information with a group of strangers.

Have you considered doing him a social story?

Picture of the school
Picture of the classroom
Picture of the teacher
Picture of where to hang coat or put bag

This school made one. It might give you an idea and help him with the transition.

https://hawthornden.mgfl.net/a-social-story-for-starting-primary-1/

Don't worry. There is a lovely autistic boy in DD's class and she's said to me once "James is special and we all look after him". Teachers will help your DS settle and be inclusive and chat to the children, in a way that is gentle and positive.

You will also get to meet other parents with additional needs; there will also probably be talks specifically also, so I would take it very slowly and not rush into disclosing your personal info. Just be kind to others when you meet them and talk to your DS as you normally would.

I don't think I've spent more than a few hours on the class WhatsApp group in the whole time mine were at Primary. What is there to waste all this time on?? Do they have swimming tomorrow? Yes, they are starting this week! Has anyone picked up Ella's jumper by mistake? So sorry, yes, Macey brought it home! Very useful, imo.

That's so sweet. Lots of DC are like that, which is lovely.